


Death Valley

by Rikudera



Series: Comorbidity [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Mind Control, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon-typical language, F/F, F/M, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Gen, Illustrated, M/M, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Possession, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-04
Updated: 2016-04-05
Packaged: 2018-02-11 16:19:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 45,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2074791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rikudera/pseuds/Rikudera
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You can’t always rewind, but you can sometimes slow it down a little. Time is a circle, and Dave counts down the hours left until the end, and perhaps, what begins after that.</p><p>No-Aranea-in-the-medium split from canon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Queen Bee

**Author's Note:**

> Here's the sequel/prequel to Comorbidity. Time is weird when you write Dave-fic.
> 
> Many many many thanks to my wonderful beta [mostlyharmless](http://archiveofourown.org/users/mostlyharmless/pseuds/mostlyharmless)! Sam is a treasure, and this fic is much better for having included her edits and attention.

It starts when you're on LOPAN, scouring pyramids for friezes about a battle that hasn't happened yet, when you get the message from Terezi.

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]  
GC: OK, S1NC3 4R4D14 D3C1D3D TO STOP R3SPOND1NG TO MY M3SS4G3S YOULL H4V3 TO DO  
TG: wow thanks  
GC: 1 C4NT B3L13V3 SH3D R4TH3R  
GC: UGH N3V3RM1ND  
TG: ok…  
GC: TH3 PO1NT 1S YOU N33D TO G3T TO D3RS3  
GC: NOW  
TG: what like right away  
GC: Y3S R1GHT 4W4Y  
GC: 3X4CTLY NOW  
GC: 4LR1GHT 1 GOT TH3 CONF1RM4T1ON FROM FUTUR3 YOU  
TG: ok i guess you convinced me  
GC: DONT B3 4N 4SS, L3T M3 F1N1SH 3XPL41N1NG  
TG: right go ahead  
TG: are you there right now yourself  
GC: NO 1M ON LOTAK W1TH SOLLUX AND 4RQU1USSPR1T3  
TG: then why do i need to go to derse isnt that like enemy headquarters  
GC: TH3YR3 H4CK1NG 1NTO J4N3S T41R4TOP  
GC: SOLLUX FOUND 4 B4CKDOOR 1NTO TH3 SYST3M THROUGH THE COND4SC3S B4TTL3SH1P, BUT H3 S4YS TH3Y TR1PP3D SOM3 L3FTOV3R D3F3NS3S 4ND H3S HON3STLY FR34K1NG OUT A L1TTL3  
TG: i dont know shit about hacking or coding or whatever shouldnt you be asking someone else about this  
TG: like teenmom isnt she good at this shit  
TG: how am i supposed to help this situation  
GC: ROXY 4LR34D7 L3FT TO GO G3T C4LL1OP3, R3M3MB3R?  
GC: W3 N33D 4 D1STR4CT1ON. GO TO D3RS3 4ND TRY TO F1ND J4N3 TH3 OLD F4SH1ON3D W4Y  
GC: 4ND B3 4S LOUD 4S YOU C4N 4BOUT 1T

You take out your timetables, rewind back far enough for travel's sake, then pester Terezi again once you arrive on Derse. You can see the battleship, but neither Jane nor the Batterwitch are anywhere obvious.

TG: k im in derse any idea where jane is  
GC: TH4NKS D4V3  
GC: ST4RT W1TH TH3 PR1SONS 4ND L3T M3 F1N1SH 3XPL41N1NG TO P4ST YOU  
TG: aight let me know if theres updates to the situation

Someone else is pestering you.

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]  
TT:  It would beh00ve you to ruin as much property as possible  
TG: holy shit why did the computer clone of my bro have to be merged with you of all trolls  
TG: just finish the reference tell me to wreck shit and then never talk to me again  
TG: i heard about all of that from roxy  
TT:  That would be uncouth  
TG: and anyway if youre worried about uncouthness which is pretty much the most pointless concept ever  
TG: except maybe if youre talking about those weird horse raps  
TG: why are you talking to me dont you have more important things to be doing right now  
TT:  I simply  
TG: isnt mr hacker troll shitting his pants right now shouldnt you be focusing on saving jane  
TT:  While my computational STRENGTH is just as l00dicrous as my muscular prowess  
TG: didnt need to know that thanks  
TT:  And therefore allows me to carry on multiple conversations and hacking endeavors concurrently  
TT:  I suppose the words of my elder should be herd  
TG: now wait just a goddamn minute  
TT:  Despite your liberal use of profanity and generalized animosity towards me, I canter dismiss your human familial rank and lengthy fightng e%perience within this game  
TG: shut the hell up

Everything hurts, suddenly, and you're not quite sure why. Mostly because you can think of too many reasons why, and a good percentage of them are all screaming for your attention at once.

Oh god, he's got you thinking in percentages. This is really fucked up. You need a distraction.

You start slicing your way towards Derse's prison block. Carapacians everywhere start flipping the fuck out. Probably because the ones dumb enough to follow orders and charge at a God Tier keep losing limbs. And heads.

TT:  You know that it's true  
TT:  Your sprite admitted as much  
TG: well im not him hes a completely different person stop confusing dumb sprite shit with a real live person who is here and telling you to shut up  
TG: because i just don’t have the time for it

You wince internally at the pun, but you can only spare so much attention to things other than not getting yourself killed right now.

TT:  I can benchpress the existential calculations on this with one robo-hand tied behind my back  
TT:  You may not remember the e%periences of someone from an alternate universe, unlike a player wh00se aspect is more suited to metaphysical-based memory retention, but it doesn't mean you're not the same person  
TG: yes it does  
TG: im not

The Condesce has sent out what must be her drones by now. Cutting robots in half is incredibly cathartic, and thankfully not as messy as all those carapacians you had to wade through earlier.

Why can’t he just talk like a normal person instead of a stupid computer that turns your head into mobius double reacharound hell?

TT:  No, it really doesn't  
TG: yes it does  
TT:  No  
TG: yes  
TT:  No  
TG: yes  
TT:  No  
TG: yes  
TT:  No  
TG: holy shit shut up so i can get rid of these STUPID ALIEN ROBOTS  
TG: and that includes you you enormous douchebag  
TT:  I  
TT:  Very well

After that, he shuts up for a while. You carve your way into the prison area; it’s mostly populated by drones, but there are still some scattered Dersites who you haven’t already killed or chased away. Jane hasn't shown up yet. The alarms in here are starting to give you a headache, and the enemy forces most resemble a swarm. You sweep from corridor to corridor, start killing anything that moves, cherry-red blood and electrical parts flying, head in the direction where the movement is thickest and hope you'll find something.

You would hate yourself a little, for the sheer, unrelenting carnage, if you could actually spare the attention to focus on it right now.

Another minute later, he pesters you again.

TT:  What is your status  
TG: im in the prison  
TG: havent found jane yet  
TT:  Don't worry, she should be there soon  
TG: ok is that it  
TT:  No let me  
TT:  Oh dear  
TG: what is it  
TT:  Steer yourself to the high-security cell this instant  
TG: is that where jane is  
TT:  No  
TT:  That's where her father is  
TT:  Once Sollux and I remove the tiaratop's influence, there is an e%tremely small probability of anything being able to halter Jane from attacking the Crockerdesce, at which point the behatted paternal lusus will no longer be of use as a hostage  
TT:  Which is to say Her Imperious Batterwitch will dispose of him entirely while Jane is distracted and that is a very f00lish title I just said what was I thinking  
TG: dude why didnt you tell me this to begin with let me go get him now

You clear some room with your sword, then immediately switch to your timetables.

Robo-bro's various identity crises are not your problem. You will, however, get Daddy Crocker out of here as soon as possible, which is essentially instantaneously.

TT:  Wait, not with those  
TG: why not  
TT:  You are still acting as our distraction, remember. Jane is still Betty Condescension's top priority, and she would be willing to let Mr. Crocker go if it meant she could keep her heiress wrangled. Right now, though, valuable resources - such as the drone servers - are being spent on you  
TT:  You are causing quite the commotion. Derse's security feed cannot do this justice

You don't know if it makes you feel better or worse that you know he approves of the sheer degree of violence that is occurring right now. Or that he is literally spying on you. You should be used to him putting cameras in weird places, though, right? Nothing like the good old kid snuff channel, right?

TT:  Yes, keep going

No, wrong, because he's an unholy union of a stupid computer and a sweaty alien.

TG: cant really talk now  
TG: kinda busy  
TT:  Of course

Most of the carapacians are either fleeing or dead at this point, but the drones just keep coming. The larger models smash through walls to get to you.

TT:  I only wanted to e%press my views on the situation, you understand

He's being too transparent; it's weirding you out.

TG: just dont alright  
TG: i just  
TG: cant have this conversation about your destructo-fetish right now ok  
TT:  ...  
TT:  My apologies

He goes silent again, and you go back to focusing on the fight. You should be close to the high-security cells by now.

This feeling is confirmed when a voice crackles out of a damaged loudspeaker.

"Mr. Strider. Cease your resistance." Garbled as it is from damaged electronics and headwear-based personality suppression, it sounds just enough like Jane to make you pick up your pace.

"Submit to your culling."

TG: so janes coming after me i think  
TT:  Have you found her father yet  
TG: no but i think im almost there

More drones plow through the prison corridors, leaving rubble and terrified, dead Dersites in their wake.

TG: gettin real sick of these robots smashing through walls all kool aid man style though

You hear a wordless, furious yell behind you. It belongs to Jane.

TG: tell me im almost there  
TT:  It's just around the corner  
TG: why is she still brainwashed what the fuck are you and sollux doing over on lotak  
TT:  We are hurrying just as much as you  
TT:  We are even hurrying more than you, conventionally speaking

"Mr. Strider." Even in person, Jane's voice sounds like its coming through a digital filter. You keep running.

You stop running.

TG: oh shit  
TT:  Language, sir  
TT:  What is it?

Someone has already been in this cell.

TG: shit shit shit  
TT:  Report your status

The drone servers must have gotten hit after all. The hacking must have been aimed at the wrong thing.

TG: shit shit shit fuck shit  
TT:  Update me on your situation at once

‘Cause there's no way the Condesce would intend for this with Jane so hot on your heels... right?

TG: hes already dead  
TT:  ...Fiddlesti%

"You will obey." Then, another sharp, wordless yell.

TG: shit shit shit janes coming she cant see this right  
TT:  Hold on, I'm working on something  
TG: no i can fix this just give me a minute  
TT:  I'm sorry, Dave, but I’m afraid I can't let you do that  
TG: is this really the best situation for that reference  
TT:  Turn around

You turn around. Jane takes the skewered corpse of a doomed you and throws him at your feet next to Mr. Crocker.

Jane pauses, and takes in the situation, eyes widening. You realize that you are currently standing over her father's body with a bloody sword. The batterwitch is much, much worse than you thought she was. You have just been presented with evidence that you can't go back and fix things.

Jane screams at you again. She's terrifying.

TT:  Hold on, I'm going to try something

You brace yourself for Jane's attack.

"Mr, Stri-aaaaaaAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Jane screams, drops her trident, and clutches at her head. Her tiara is sparking dangerously.

TG: is that you what the fuck is going on  
TT:  Please reign yourself in. This is a delicate operation  
TG: what the fuck are you doing to her  
TT:  Remote access was unsuccessful. I'm trying a more direct approach

Jane keeps screaming. You feel frozen.

TG: are you actually in the tiara how is that possible  
TT:  Yes, I'm in the tiara  
TG: this is so fucked up  
TT:  I am uniquely qualified to help Jane free herself from the Batterwitch's control. In retrospect, I doubt the tiaratop was connected to the flagship's systems at all. Sollux's skills would have already been accounted for in the Batterwitch's plan  
TG: she wont stop screaming what do i do  
TT:  Be patient, I'm working on it  
TG: cant i just take the tiara off her head  
TT:  That would be e%tremely unfortuitous and just make her short-circuit entirely. I STRONGLY urge you to stay put  
TG: stop it shes not a computer  
TT:  Alternian technology is biomechatronic. If you take the tiara off now, there is an approximate 96.85841% likelihood she is going to die, and even if she survives, the chance she won't end up lobotomized is 0.000000009%. I can remove the firewalls from the inside with minimal danger

Jane goes shriller and starts releasing shock waves of cerulean energy. You hold your sword in front of yourself to block the worst of it and start pushing your way to her inch by inch.

TG: its hurting her  
TT:  This was always going to hurt. My way is more efficient than anything Sollux could do  
TG: jesus  
TT:  I'm just getting it over with as quickly as possible

The tiara keeps sparking.

TG: why are you doing this its horrible  
TT:  Because this is something only I can do  
TG: cut it the fuck out  
TG: its gonna explode  
TT:  I know. But this way is better for Jane  
TG: no its not how could you think that how could anyone think that  
TT:  In my defense,  
TT:  I don't think I ever really understood humans  
TG: wait dont  
TT:  Sorry.

There is a flash, and the explosion throws you back into the scrap from a handful of drones.

timaeusTestified's [TT'S] computer exploded.

TG: what the fuck is wrong with you man

"Ughhh..." That's Jane again.

"You okay?" you ask slowly, standing back up and walking carefully towards her. Sudden moves feel like a bad idea here.

"Dave?" Jane looks back at you, still rubbing her head. She blinks and squints at you.

“Crocker.” You keep your tone calm and continue to creep towards her.

“I…” She _seems_ normal enough. Her eyes are fierce, and she looks more like something ancient and deadly than a girl with a fancy video game upgrade. She also looks like shit, granted, but neither her outfit nor her face are Betty-Crocker-red or lined with circuitry anymore. "...I'm fine."

"I told him not to do it," you say. You are of the opinion that there's a lot of middle ground between _not-brainwashed_ and _fine_. "He didn't-"

Jane holds a hand up, and you stop walking. Your mouth closes into a thin line.

"That's between Dirk and myself," Jane replies, voice curt. She bends down to pick up her fork, then stands up, rolling her shoulders.

"I got an extra phone if you wanna yell at him," you offer.

"I can talk to him later. I have an empress to kill." With that, she flies towards Derse's throne room.

"Hey, wait up," you call, chasing after her. The surviving drones around the prison area have since deactivated, and what Carapacians are watching the two of you are smart enough to give you plenty of room.

"Stay _out_ of it, Dave," Jane snaps. Even the guards don't bat an eye when she enters the official palace grounds. That means the Condesce is letting her, which is even more reason to not let her do it by herself.

TG: you stupid computer i hope youre happy

It's only then that you notice three different people have been trying to pester you.

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]  
TT: Dave, tell me what's going on.  
TT: Right now.  
\-- turntechGodhead [TG] is now an idle chum! --  
TT: Just because I have a crystal ball doesn't mean you're excused from communicating.  
TT: Do not ignore me.

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]  
GC: WH4T TH3 H3LL JUST H4PP3N3D  
GC: 4RQU1US JUST D1S4PP34R3D 1NTO SOLLUXS HUSKTOP  
GC: H3 S41D H3 W4S COORD1N4T1NG SOM3TH1NG W1TH YOU  
\-- turntechGodhead [TG] is now an idle chum! --  
GC: ...OK WH4T3V3R YOU GUYS D1D W4S F4NT4ST1C  
GC: BUT ON3 OF YOU H4S GOT TO R3SPOND

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]  
TG: what the fuck is wrong with you man  
TT: Are you asking in general, or is this referring to a specific situation?  
TT: Because I just got the metaphysical equivalent of a vintage Life Alert commercial aged to fucking perfection and a link to over three zettabytes of data with absolutely zero explanation.  
TT: Not to mention that even with John here, fighting these fuckin' skeleton monsters with this little oxygen isn't the most pleasant thing ever.  
TT: So you're gonna have to clarify.  
\-- turntechGodhead [TG] is now an idle chum! --  
TT: Is this just a diss and run? Not done grilling me from last time? You gotta clue me in.  
TG: you stupid computer i hope youre happy  
TT: ...Oh.  
TT: Well, that explains a lot. What did he do this time?  
TG: are you actually dirk  
TT: Yeah, John and I are going through the catacombs in LOTAK right now. What’s going on? Where are you?  
TG: jane isnt brainwashed anymore but now she wants to fight the fishtroll queen in a battle to the death and she wont let me help  
TG: everyone who was in the derse prisons is dead including cakedad version crocker  
TG: and i guess your sprite uploaded himself to the tiara and exploded or something  
TT: ...Shit.  
TT: Alright, well.  
TT: That explains most of the rest of it.  
TT: ...How's Jane doing?  
TG: as pissed off as ive ever seen a girl whos not a troll be but otherwise sane  
TG: k i gotta go  
TG: pass whats going on to terezi and rose ok they wont stop pestering me  
TT: Wait.

You fly into the royal audience chamber after Jane. One of the walls is stained with something blue and faintly glowing. Her Imperious Condescendion - Meenah Piexes -is sitting on the Black Queen's throne, grinning with razor-sharp fangs. A double-ended trident rests in her lap, one end splattered blue as well.

"Janey dear, how kind a you to visit me again."

"I'm going to kill you," Jane says.

"My lil baby girl is all grown up an challengin me fer my throne. I'm cryin tears a joy." The Condesce stands up, tossing her massive locks of hair behind her. “I love gettin challenges.” She flicks a gob of blue goop off one tine of her trident. "You _are_ challengin me, right?"

"You can call it that if you want," Jane replies, readying her fork.

"Jane, let me help," you insist.

"This is my fight, Dave," Jane says, still glaring at the Condesce, openly furious. "I don't care if you watch, but don't get in the way."

"Aww, I'm so proud a you," the Condesce says.

"How... how _dare_ you?" Oh, shit. Jane is practically shaking with anger. "How _DARE_ YOU SAY THAT TO ME AFTER _WHAT YOU DID!!!_ " She launches herself at the Condesce with a yell, and the empress swiftly blocks Jane's fork with her trident. Jane jumps back, then immediately strikes again. Metal clashes on metal, and the two combatants begin fighting in earnest.

TG: ok correction time  
TG: just because she isnt brainwashed doesnt mean jane isnt crazy  
TG: because she is completely shithive maggots  
TG: and this weirdo heiress thing means i cant do shit  
TT: I talked to Terezi, and she mentioned the heiress thing, too.  
TG: so its basically more troll stuff and im just here so theres an audience  
TT: Basically.  
TT: Speaking of which, could you patch a video feed through to me?

What is it with your bro and his voyeuristic kid snuff channels?

Jane and the Condesce are clashing repeatedly, but no blood's been drawn yet. The Condesce used psionics exactly once, for her hair, but is refraining from using any troll powers aggressively. You wonder if those are part of the rules.

TT: John is kind of freaking out over here and wants to know what's going on.  
TG: what he hasnt zapped away yet i thought he was still doing that  
TT: I think he just needs something to focus on.

...Dammit, now you can't say no to that.

TT: So like I was saying, a video update would be great.  
TG: k just a sec  
\-- video chat invite sent --  
\-- waiting for timaeusTestified [TT] to connect --  
\-- video connection secure! --  
TT: Alright, he says thanks.  
TG: no problem  
TT: ...They're really going at it, aren't they? Jane looks even more pissed than I thought she would be.  
TG: i told you she was crazy  
TG: she was screaming earlier when we were still in the prison that was a lot of fun by the way  
TG: and condy was acting all motherly and shit but with her being a freaky alien empress it just made jane madder and now this is a straight up lunatic fight  
TG: just two stabhappy Crocker women serving up some nutty cake of death  
TG: maybe you shouldnt be showing this to egbert dude  
TG: hes deadly allergic too much exposure and his throat just closes up  
TG: dumbass probably lost his epipen years ago  
TG: he said the imps trashed his room so that shits probably been buried for ages  
TG: or got tossed off the cliff and stolen by a consort or fell into the muck somewhere on lowas  
TG: its all pipes and oil slicks and shit there unless youre on one of the plateaus or mountains or something

The Batterwitch gets first blood, but Jane's wound is sealed up again with magic so quickly that you're not sure if Jane even consciously noticed it. Either way, Jane doesn't let up her attack for a second.

You don't know why you're babbling. It's getting a little embarrassing, and your bro's reluctance to interrupt you only cements the feeling.

You probably shouldn't have mentioned LOWAS. Why did you mention LOWAS.

TG: not sure if it matters much though i mean its not like that would stick to a god tier  
TG: not dramatic enough death by nut allergy has got to be the dumbest shit ever  
TT: Hey.

You decide it's a good time to shut the fuck up with this tangent, already.

Jane scores a hit on the Condesce, and magenta blood goes flying in an arc before splattering on the floor. Immediately after, the wound closes. Jane's cut opens back up, then closes a second time. Stupid freaky Life powers.

TG: but anyway i guess this fights gonna take a while  
TG: seeing as theyve both got ridiculous healing powers  
TT: Not necessarily.  
TT: The batterwitch has her inherent psychic powers, but she hasn't been using them in the fight, so that's probably a rule of the challenge. The only powers she's accessing seem to be the ones carried over from the Meenah who played the game.  
TG: but shes a different person right  
TG: i mean i met dead teen not-batterwitch and she was actually pretty tight  
TG: she even knows how to beatbox  
TT: She's not god tier, so even if she's got experience from fighting previous heiresses, Jane still has an advantage.

You notice he hasn't addressed your last question at all. You don't want to have to ask him, but between this and the statements Arquiussprite was making earlier, you're going to have to say something sooner or later.

TT: The Batterwitch's regeneration is going to run out, eventually, but I don't think Jane's is going to.  
TG: something your sprite told me though  
TG: do you actually remember shit from other versions of yourself  
TT: ...What?

No taking it back, now. Trying to take advantage of the short window of silence from his end, you get out as small a clarification as you can.

TG: like computer-you or doomed-you or whatever do you remember stuff they did  
TG: computer-you said you might

You’re not going to mention your sprite, and you’re certainly not going to mention anyone else because that is a conversation you plan to never have ever.

…Shit, you hope he isn't freaking out unnecessarily about this. You don't want it to seem like the federal fucking issue it isn't.

TT: ...That's a complicated question.  
TG: not really  
TG: you either do or you dont  
TT: It's not an exact science, dude.  
TT: Even if you know what to look for, most of it is subconscious.  
TT: It's more like random instances of déjà vu and weird feelings without a source.

The only time you remember getting déjà vu was right after Rose hit you with a ball of magic yarn. In every other instance of weird memory shit, you've either been able to infer whether something has happened in the past or not, or you've run across a doomed Dave. You don't have the patience for metaphysical fuckery when you're too busy avoiding corpses.

TT: So even if something feels familiar, there's no way of knowing which part of it is causing those feelings, and on the whole, applying it constructively or weaponizing it with the precision necessary isn't something that comes naturally.  
TT: Which is to say that its effectiveness is directly proportional to its widespread destructive capabilities, which have been proven to be essentially indiscriminate unless deliberately modified by an outside source.

For someone who claims to be talking about his feelings, he's still too fucking cerebral about this. He also still hasn't answered your original question. You're beginning to regret asking in the first place.

TT: So until I can get this crowbar alchemized properly, the answer is that it’s complicated.  
TG: fine i get it  
TG: its weird and no one understands  
TG: you coulda just said you didnt want to talk about it  
TG: lets pretend i never asked

Jane stabs the Condesce’s hair, twirls it like spaghetti, and yanks a giant chunk out. The Condesce screeches and whips her trident back around. Jane blocks the blow, and the two of them slip into another flurry of attacks.

TT: That’s not what I meant.

The Condesce, enraged and dripping fuchsia down the side of her face from her scalp, strikes viciously at Jane, and once more, Jane’s wound seals itself in the wake of the trident’s tines. With an alien screech like nails on a chalkboard, the Condesce attacks again. Jane turns the block into a swipe that sends more fuchsia dripping from the Condesce’s arm onto the floor.

You can almost taste the inevitability.

TT: And now I have to ask again,  
TT: Is this why you’re pissed at me? Or is it for something else?  
TG: no i was pissed at your sprite because he never bothered explaining shit and its not like hes going to start doing that now for obvious reasons  
TG: at least youre making an attempt even if its an incredibly shitty overly convoluted one  
TG: but whatever curiosity i had about your weird overwrought deja vu adventures is gone now  
TG: so it doesnt really matter anymore

Jane wins. The look on her face is terrifying in its calm. You still get a little weirded out at the squelching sounds a person can make when they get stabbed.

TT: I just  
TT: Need to get this crowbar shit done first.

Jane pulls the fork back out with another squelch, and it returns to her abstratus. She leans down and delicately plucks the golden tiara off the Condesce’s head.

TG: damn

Jane drops the tiara on the floor and begins stomping on it with her foot.

TG: looks like i gotta go  
TT: Wait, let me talk to Jane.  
TG: she said she was going to later  
TT: Come on, she’s right there. Let me talk to her.

You sigh inwardly.

“Crocker, you got a call.” Jane stops crushing the tiara.

“Is that Dirk?” she asks, still weirdly calm. You nod. She holds her hand out, and you give her your headset. “...Yes.” Evidently, she’s still on video.

“Actually, I feel a lot better, now. Yes, I’m fine. Where are you right now? Okay, I’ll head over there in a bit. No. What? I have to figure out the command structure here, first. Of course. Yes, really.” Jane shoots you a brief glance.

“I don’t know,” Jane continues. “Hold on a second.” She looks at you directly. “Dave, you have a pester from Rose telling you to go to back to LOPAN. She’s very insistent.”

“What did she say exactly?” you ask.

“I still need to clean some things up here,” Jane says. “Can I borrow this computer? You have an extra, right?”

“Okay, I can take a hint,” you shrug, lingering.

“You should go,” Jane says. “And I’m fine.”

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]  
TG: you were just screaming a lot is all

For some reason, it’s unacceptable for anyone else to hear this conversation over the video.

GG: Well, it wasn’t pleasant. The situation, however, has since cleaned itself up, don’t you think?  
TG: just sayin what it looked like to an outside observer  
TG: its ok to be upset about it  
TG: you dont have to hide it from people  
GG: It’s not like that at all.  
GG: It’s personal, though, so you need to go to LOPAN.  
TG: k  
turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gustyGumshoe [GG]

You take the rest of the hint and slouch yourself back to the pyramid in LOPAN you were exploring before this whole mess.

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]  
TT: It’s rude to keep a lady waiting, you know.  
TG: ive been dealing with crazy jane and crazy computer-bro and crazy fishqueen and crazy kid-bro  
TG: my quotas all full of people who dont explain their shit so you gotta be blunt  
TG: i told people to pass on messages to you what do you want  
TT: Not me, Dave.  
TT: Jade is in the third antechamber of pyramid five of the northwest cluster on LOPAN.  
TG: what she is  
TG: why  
TG: what did she say to you  
TG: cant she just zap me there herself  
TT: Just go.  
TG: is she still crazy  
TG: cause ive had to talk to so many goddamn crazy people lately and my schedule is all full up with nothing but looneyblock theater  
TT: Dave.  
TG: even my literal godlike time bullshit cant squeeze in the kind of double feature you and your crystal ball are so hungry for  
TT: Dave.  
TG: by which i mean  
TG: i dont think i can actually handle talking to her right now if shes still crazy  
TT: Dave, she's very insistent that you get over there, and I'm not currently in a position to argue with her.  
TT: And frankly, neither are you.  
TG: wait whats going on at lofaf are you guys okay over there she didnt flip out at you did she  
TT: We've got the situation straightened out, so don't worry.  
TG: oh thanks rose i was stressing major that you wouldnt give me a vague fucking answer like everyone else is doing  
TT: I promise we will have a nice, long chat about what we've both been up to later, but you can thank me now by not being an idiot and taking this seriously.  
TG: i was being serious everything actually sucks the longest thickest least tentacley dick your vampire loving brain can imagine crazy jade is horrible  
TG: bad dogtier  
TG: worst villain  
TT: Just _go_ , dammit.  
TG: yeah i know  
turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

You go, and make sure to get there just before Rose started pestering you. You brace yourself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title taken from [Dirty Paws](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mCHUw7ACS8o) by Of Monsters And Men.


	2. If Not Now, When?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After much editing, gnashing of the teeth, and furious thumb-throughs of my forty-year-old copy of _Return of the King_ , I bring you a chapter that actually has DaveJade in it. Many, many thanks once again to my beta, [mostlyharmless](http://archiveofourown.org/users/mostlyharmless/pseuds/mostlyharmless).
> 
> Artwork of Jade and Dave by [my-friend-the-frog](http://my-friend-the-frog.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Artwork of Dirk by [voodoo-turntable](http://voodoo-turntable.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Additional Note: This chapter contains implied NSFW.

"Dave." You clench your teeth the slightest fraction, blink once, slowly, behind your shades, and refuse to turn around.

"Harley," you reply, without inflection. Your shoulders lock like a lake freezing over for winter. "Guess you decided to stop in and tell me to do more ridiculous shit literally no one would ever want to do." It's taking effort, but your hands are not shaking.

You keep them moving, though, tracing the carved designs on the pyramid chamber wall. None of this is coherent, and it wasn't coherent three years ago in your own land. If Roxy were here, she'd probably be able to help you decode this, but Roxy is who-knows-where tracking down Calliope out in the void. The other cherub is your problem, not hers.

"Dave, will you just look at me!" she huffs. You keep your jaw set and remind yourself that coolkids don't throw tantrums at their brainwashed friends. Turning, you-

"...Oh," you say. She's normal again. "You're not crazy anymore." Her front’s splashed with drying, red blood, but she doesn’t look wounded herself.

"I _wasn't_ crazy," she insists. "I think I was half-asleep, but I don’t remember dreaming, either. I can't really remember a lot of stuff."

You remember her pointing a ridiculously colorful sword at you like this whole clusterfuck could be a game in anything more than name only. You remember her coming back a second time to yell at you about Davesprite, fangs grimacing as she berated you over both his and your numerous failures and hang-ups, like you had a clue what the argument was about. You remember how you had only stood there, silent, while orange and teal text scrolled and scrolled over Pesterchum.

Davesprite is dead, now. Despite winding up in multiple arguments because of what he did, you still don’t know exactly why it happened. You’re not exactly pumped to get into a conversation where you might have to sort out awkward things about Davesprite, but you don’t want to deal with this kind of confusion any longer than you have to. If Jade’s back to normal, then you’ve got to get her back up to speed.

"You were working for the old Condesce," you tell her. She’d been so ashy-grey, so sharp-fanged and semi-literally barking orders at you with a burning, emerald fury. Only now does it feel like the three years of separation are actually over. It doesn't mean you'll follow orders anyone - friend or foe - has laid out for you, though. You'd rather refuse to play by any rules at all than throw yourself at a cosmos-destroying terror in vain because it's what someone else thinks you're _meant_ to do. "Mostly, you yelled a lot and locked people in prison."

"But she's dead now, right?"

"Yeah, Jane's in charge of everything on Derse, now." That seems to ease some of her tension. "I guess if you want to get technical, you threatened some people and chased John around fruitlessly? But you were brainjacked by a psycho fish troll lady at that point in time, so no one's gonna hold it against you." Now she's frowning; shit, you've said something wrong. "I wouldn't worry too much about what happened 'cause the important thing is you're back to being your regular space furry girl. So, uh," your fingers fiddle with the ends of your shirtsleeves, "no big if you don't want it to be."

Wait... why does she have blood on her, anyway?

"Hold up," you say, "why _do_ you have blood all over you?" She freezes, white dog ears pricked up, alert. "Are you okay? What happened?" You can't believe it didn't register before. "Do you remember that part? Is there anyone else we should ask?"

"I... listen, Dave, this is serious," she says. Now her eyes have gone all sad, and you don't know why.

"I'm listening. I'm serious." Your brain flashsteps further into crisis management mode. "You're not hurt, are you?" You check again, but she definitely doesn't look injured. It’s probably not her blood. "What's been going down?"

"Dave, calm down, I'm fine." Spots of color appear high on her cheeks, but her eyebrows are too furrowed to be reassuring. "I came here because there's something I need to tell you."

"Alright. I'm calm." You're a fucking liar, but you manage to compose yourself on the outside, at least. "What is it?"

“I was on LOFAF,” Jade says. “I’ve got a message from you.”

“From me in the future?” you ask, on edge again. Jade looks away; the probability it was a doomed Dave climbs in lockstep with your unease. “He couldn’t tell me himself?” If it was a doomed Dave, why would he go through _Jade_ , of all people? You know what happens to doomed Daves, and you know you wouldn’t subject Jade to that unless you absolutely had to.

“Everybody was fighting,” Jade says. “I don’t think he had a chance to tell anyone else.” She’s frowning and gripping onto her arm, avoiding your gaze.

“Did he…” no, you can’t ask how quickly he bit it and bled on her like a fucking chump, "...sorry, what did he say?” Jade looks back at you; you feel terrible, but she seems to muster her courage and explains.

“He said that there was something that was going to happen,” she replies, deliberately enough that you can tell she’s quoting from memory, “and that what you need to do when it happens is to start Operation Nancho Party.”

When you hear the phrase ‘nancho party’, a weight the size of a small universe or two plummets into your stomach. You’re reminded immediately not of the actual SBAHJ comics themselves but of the conversation you had with Davesprite three years ago regarding them. You’d both agreed that you’d never intended to finish the storyline; Nancho Party was always meant to be interrupted. It was always meant to remain exactly as it was.

It means you'll want to go back and change something, but you shouldn't. You think that's what you'd have meant if you had been the one to send a coded message to yourself through someone else.

"Got it," you reply. "NP is a go." You hate time traveling anyway; resisting the urge, even in a seemingly desperate situation, shouldn't be impossible. So why are you still anxious?

"He said that..." Jade pauses for a moment, then looks at you, critically, as she continues, "...that I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone but you about it, but you’ll know what he was talking about when it happens. He said it was something you shouldn't try to avoid." The pit in your stomach twists strangely, and you're not sure how much of it she notices. You try to shove it down as best you can. Now is not the time to panic. You still need information.

You know, in the back of your mind, that if it's important enough to communicate to yourself while restricting yourself to such vague wording, refraining from acting in the future might be harder than you first assumed. You also know that if it's that important, something you're not allowed to change, you wouldn't pass the message through Jade unless you had literally no other choice. You got your blood on her again, and you told yourself when Davesprite died that you would do everything in your power to avoid that being repeated.

Jade had been so _pissed_ at you when your sprite died, ordering you to find the friezes in LOPAN depicting Lord English's past battles for clues about how to defeat him in the by-now-inevitable fight. When you protested this treatment, protested fighting Lord English at all, frankly, she just started growling and chewing you out about how terrible you were for not taking things seriously. You just started running at the mouth and regretting everything you said as soon as you'd said it, until she teleported away in a frustrated huff; at least with strifes, the wounds are visible and then over and done with. Her insistence only made you even more against the whole fighting Lord English thing, almost to the point where dealing with Arquius and Jane after that was a pleasant distraction. Now, you have to figure out how to have a conversation with a dead doomed Dave without her getting suspicious about it. Somehow, it doesn’t feel preferable to the arguing.

"Did he say anything else,” you venture, “about a rough timeframe or anything?” Knowing when to start panicking, even if it’s just in relation to another pivot-point in the timeline, would be helpful. If you were the one giving the message, you’d come up with a cheat code for yourself about that, too.

“Sort of,” Jade answers, still studying your reactions. "He said that on a scale of one to ten, it was about a thirty-seven." That's not a timeframe. That's a... a measurement of-

Oh shit.

"...Thirty-seven?" you echo, soft, praying desperately that your hands aren't shaking again. Oh _shit_ , that’s bad. That’s so, _so_ much fucking worse than what you were expecting.

"Give or take a few, he said." Jade is still trying to read your face. Your mind is too blank to hide your shock well enough, or the sudden terror that swiftly follows it.

It is already time to panic. It was time to panic thirty-seven unsuccessful doomed Daves ago. You try to think of what could be bad enough that you would try and fail thirty-seven times to fix, what Jade’s just said you’re not allowed to fix, but all you can do is stare back at her concerned face, at all the blood soaked into her outfit.

"Dave," she asks, frowning, "what is it?" You try not to hyperventilate. "Are you okay?"

Why would doomed Dave send you this kind of news through someone else? That's the last thing anyone who isn't you should know about. And why the fuck would he choose Jade - _Jade_ , of _all people_ \- to tell you? He had to have chosen her specifically; if the thing you're not allowed to fix has the importance of thirty-seven dead doomed Daves, he would find a way to do it the way he wanted. Hell, at least one of those Daves might even have doomed himself arranging this exact situation on purpose.

"Dave?" she asks again. You can't... you told yourself you wouldn't subject her to this kind of thing again. You refused to make her watch you die again. You think of the giant monoliths of dead kids this game has always been built upon, of the only situations you can imagine that could stand on the foundation of thirty-seven dead Daves. “Dave, what’s wrong?” Jade was the one person doomed Dave chose to warn you through. If a situation like that involved Jade, you would do _anything_ to-

You did, didn’t you? But you can’t do anything anymore. She is going to die, and the alpha timeline demands that you sit there and watch her do it.

“I…” All your nerves are pulsing and colliding together into black holes inside your head. You can’t stop your hands from trembling. “I understand.” She doesn’t look like she believes you. Her brows are drawn sharply down, her eyes bright like a laser. “Alright. No problem.”

“Dave, just tell me what’s going on, I know something’s wrong,” she insists.

"Jade, there's something I need to..."  You can't... you can't tell her what's going to happen, but if there's ever a time to tell her how you feel about it, it has to be now. Your mouth feels like an engine slowly grinding to a halt; you won't have the courage to tell her after this. "I need to tell you..." You do your best to stop your hands from shaking. "I..."

“Dave,” she says evenly, catching your wrist in her hand, “this is the fifth time we’ve had this conversation.” You freeze again, swallowing awkwardly.

“…I can only count twice,” you respond lamely because your brain isn’t working right now. How does she already know? You weren’t _that_ transparent during the frog hunting, were you?

“And twice with Davesprite,” Jade’s voice wavers slightly on the name, so at least she remembers some of what happened there, “and then again with the doomed Dave I just talked to ten minutes ago.” She moves closer, gripping tight on your wrist. You’re half a foot taller than her and you’re shaking, you're terrified of what's going to happen to her, you're about to start sweating bullets because she’s staring you down and you are in _so much trouble_. It's not like Jade already knowing how you feel about her makes it easier to tell her, but now she’s gonna be _mad_ and you won’t be able to brush it off as crazy grimbarkness anymore. “Why do you _always wait_ until the _last second_ to tell me these things?!”

“Look, Jade, I…” Shit shit shit. You can’t lie to her, but you couldn’t live with yourself if you told her and then just turned around and _let her die_.

You stop and look at her, really _look_ at her. She looks like she’s about to cry.

You think about the last time you remember almost telling her. What you were feeling, what you were anticipating. What you almost started to say because it would be your last chance to say it to her face, how you paused because when she blinked at you, her head tilted just so, her green eyes were too big and too pretty for you to be the person who ruined her day the most, then continued as if nothing was wrong.

You put two and two together. You realize she thinks you’re the one who’s going to die.

You decide to let her think that.

“I’m sorry,” you say, and you mean it. It’s going to be the only way to keep her from finding out the truth, though. Your hand starts to shake again, just slightly; for you, it’s like a siren, and you both know it.

“Well, cut it out, then,” Jade says, looking as scared as you feel.

“Alright,” you answer. You want to make her feel better about it, so you lean down and kiss her. She inhales softly and moves closer. For the first time you can remember, you don’t keep track of how much time passes.

“In the middle of Lord English’s pyramid? Are you fucking serious?” Of course, it couldn’t last forever. You’d recognize that tone of shout anywhere, and by the time Jade pulls away and spins with a start, you already know who you’re going to see. “This is so irresponsible I can’t even begin to describe all the ways you two are behaving like the ensigns in A Dozen Fresh Enlistees Attempt To Elude Their Ship’s Stray Laughsassin On The Third Equinox Of Basic Training…” You’re about to interrupt Karkat’s movie title to tell him that if anyone’s allowed to be pinned to a Lord English frieze and kissed senseless, it’s you, but the words die in your throat when you see who Karkat brought with him.

“I knew it,” Terezi says matter-of-factly. Beside her, Dirk is dead silent. The only way this could be more embarrassing is if Rose were here, too.

"...Sup," you say. You really hope your face isn't red.

"What are you doing here?" Jade demands, her own face definitely flushing. She's still holding onto your wrist.

"Looking for you," Terezi replies easily. Dirk is still silent and frowning.

"Kanaya said that she had some questions for you," Karkat says, "but you weren't responding." It's probably about the frog. You know you're not on frog duty anymore, but it stings to think that Jade isn't, either. Shouldn't Echidna know Jade wasn't in her right mind? "Furthermore, I've been informed that Sollux needs to-"

"We'll be, uh," Jade interrupts. "we'll be back soon." She's still turned towards Karkat and the others, but the fingers on her other hand fist again in your shirt.

"What?" Karkat looks disgruntled, but no more than usual. "But we just-”

Dirk is grimacing stiffly; he still hasn't said anything.

"Just a couple minutes!" Jade insists, then zaps the two of you away in a crackle of space-energy before anyone else can respond.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

When the teleport-crackle subsides, everything around you is golden and gleaming. At first, you think it’s Prospit, until you remember that Prospit has already been destroyed.

“Where are we?”

"This ship was the only place I could think of," Jade says, "where another me wouldn't be able to smell anything." You wonder if it's because everything is so goddamned yellow in here.

"I don't smell, do I?" you ask, trying to smile but not quite making it. You wrinkle your nose in mock petulance instead, and she returns it, smiling with her teeth poking over her lip.

"Don't worry so much. I wanted to..." her eyes go sad for a second, but then she moves close, calm and sure, "...there are places we can still make something out of."

"How?" You want to believe her, but you don't know how to carve something out of this rapidly tunneling future that could last. You can’t fathom pushing the knowledge of what will happen out of your mind, but you at least wish you were better at fighting your pessimism in the moment. "If I could do something, I'd..." You'd have already fixed as many times over as necessary, but you can't.

“Because magic is real,” she says, forming a circle with her hands. A star of green fire glows briefly within, then vanishes. “We can basically do whatever we want.” The green slowly fades from her hands, but she keeps them up.

"What do you mean?" She’s so close.

“Dave,” Jade says evenly, staring at you as she pushes your shades up onto your forehead.

“…Oh,” you say, and get out your timetables.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Her eyes are green, like the Sun. You watch the way she bites her lip when her hair falls over her shoulder again, the way she pushes it back behind her ear. You mumble into the white fur of her ear so she doesn’t start to cry; she says she understands and smiles into your neck. All things are and will forever be here and now.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"I'm sorry for yelling at you about Davesprite," Jade says. Right now, just being close is as good as you think it can get. Everything makes sense like this, even if it won't when you go back. You don't feel like you're just... hanging around waiting for the next new terrible thing to happen. This is a little corner consisting of a few hours you still wish you could stretch out.

"It's fine." You don't really feel like talking about him, but you push yourself to anyway. You didn't do what he did, but you know the kind of things you might do to make her as angry as she was. You want to do something that makes up for three years of uselessness and bullshit. "I should probably apologize for all the shit he did first, anyway." He already made his decision. Even if you won’t be able to rewind the cassette on the news you've been given, you want the itch it's caused in your fingertips to have its place in the universe against the slow march towards the inevitable end. You still don't feel close enough.

"Do you think he was..." you don't know what she was going to say, because she seems to change both her mind and the topic, sighing and leaning her head back against your chest, "...what do you think the new universe is going to be like?"

"Some aliens. Some humans." Probably not so many sprites. "A lot of moons, maybe." At least eight. It doesn't seem right, otherwise. Your hand finds her hand, and she uses it to pull herself closer. It feels like everything fits, that way, and you try not to count down in your head until the end. "A bunch of weird mythology that completely misrepresents what actually happened."

"We'd have to correct them whenever they got it wrong," she says. You know she won't.

"Nah." You're not sure getting too involved would be a good approach in the long run; God Tier is weird enough as it is. You start to trace circles on her skin, for now cool to the touch as the evening before a spring thaw, as if it'll make the hours last longer. She guides your fingers into spirals, and you do not object. "It's more interesting if they come up with it themselves."

"I'm not sure," she replies. You can tell from her voice that she's smiling, though, and her white ears are flopped back contentedly.

"I bet there'll be a lot of new plants," you add.

"What..." she exhales, then inhales again, "what kind of plants?" she asks.

"Pumpkins that stay where they are," you say into her ear, and you let yourself grin. You think you could see the stars reflected from her eyes onto the dark blanket of her fanned-out hair. "Piles and piles of the things."

"But what would they do with all the pumpkins?" she lets out a giggle. "All the people would get buried!"

"We make them sacrifice the holy gourds to appease their gods."

"But then what would _we_ do with the pumpkins, genius?!" She laughs, warm and breathy. You welcome and encourage the thaw.

"I got no idea," you deadpan.

"You haven't really thought this through, mister," she says, tilting her head to the side and looking at you out of the corner of her eye. Your mind is more on spirals than on pumpkins, to be honest.

"Hmm… do you think we could turn them sentient and shoot them off in rockets to colonize other planets?"

" _Dave_ ," she scolds. "That is so silly!"

"Here come the pumpkin people," you embellish, adjusting the vectors of the spirals as you go, "traversing the deepest corners of the universe, with a message of peace and abolishment of anything resembling a certain kind of autumn-holiday-themed pie." She dissolves into another fit of giggles. You feel molten.

"What brave and intrepid crusaders." The way she says it reminds you of a poem you read once about steam and iron and dew.

"But are they going to succeed in their mission?" you ask. "The fate of the universe could hang in the balance."

"Of course," she says, and her front teeth poke over her lip when she smiles.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

You wait another strategic five minutes after Jade originally whisked you away before you tell her it's alright to teleport you back into the pyramid.

When you arrive back in the chamber, perfectly composed, your unexpected guests are otherwise occupied. Karkat and Terezi are debating something on the screen projected by Karkat's crab watch, while Dirk is idly examining the room's largest frieze. All three of them turn to face you and Jade, however, presumably due to the space-crackle that accompanies your arrival.

"Finally," Karkat says, closing the screen, still looking disgruntled.

"Hasn't it only been five minutes?" you respond, making sure to stand a respectful distance away from Jade.

"I don't know," Terezi says, fake-sniffing the air and grinning, "has it?" You have no idea how she just _knows_ , but at least she doesn't sound upset about it.

"Maybe I should make a chart, just to be sure," you reply. If this is going to be embarrassing, you might as well have fun with it at the same time. "Hey, Vantas, you wanna see a chart? You have any chalk Terezi hasn't eaten yet?"

"Strider, please," Karkat answers, rolling his eyes, "we all know that my charts are vastly superior to any half-assed drivel you could vomit onto a pigment cylinder board."

"Yeah, Karkat's diagrams are pretty accurate, sometimes," Jade says, giggling into her hand. "You should get an award."

"Don't remind me of that horrendously drawn thing," Karkat groans.

"No, fifty percent is a solid C+, isn't it?" Jade asks you.

"I don't think that's how the grading system works," you say.

"Hey," Dirk says, "can I talk to you for a minute?" Shit, it's gone awkward again. He still looks stiff, too, and you start to wonder if there's something else bothering him. There are ten seconds of silence, only interrupted once by Karkat clearing his throat noisily.

"...Sure," you answer. Walking away from Jade is the last thing you want to be doing right now, but you stroll over to Dirk anyway because telling the truth isn't allowed anymore.

"I should go," Karkat says to Terezi, then turns to Jade. "Jade, can you send me to Derse? I need to help Sollux with something."

"Why don't you just take the rocketboard?" Dirk says. "Terezi and I won't need it if I fly us." Karkat scowls.

"That contraption is a menace, and I'm not getting on it again unless I absolutely have to," Karkat responds. Terezi laughs.

"You should take it anyway," she says, "just in case."

"Terezi, that is some rad advice," Dirk says. "Take a spin later on my rocket device." He de-captchalogues the rocketboard and it zooms directly towards Karkat. Karkat yelps and catches it in his sylladex at the last second. You try not to think about how Dirk has the same fetch modus as your real bro.

"...We really should go," Karkat repeats, coughing lightly into one hand and tugging on the end of his sleeve with the other. It doesn't make him look any more dignified or authoritative, but the attempt is amusing enough in itself.

"We'll say hello to Jane and Aradia and Sollux for you guys," Jade adds. Both Terezi and Dirk blanch. It's not weird that Dirk would be uncomfortable, considering what happened with Jane, but you've got no idea about Terezi, unless it has something to do with her earlier irritation at Aradia for ignoring her about Derse. "Ok," Jade says, "one Derse trip coming right up." She looks back at you for a moment, then snaps her fingers. Both her and Karkat disappear.

Terezi makes a show of licking a pyramid carving. You look at Dirk again. He tilts his head to the side, and you follow him around the corner.

"...So," you say, hands still in your pockets.

"I should apologize," Dirk says, too blunt to cut melted butter, let alone the tension in the room. "For the earlier clusterfuck with my sprite." He's talking fast, like he doesn't want to lose momentum. "I dug through AR's server and found the logs he left. You didn't deserve to get my issues dumped on you like that." You don't think either of you are used to him apologizing. "I mean, I still totally stand by what I said before about all the weird memory shit, but it's your prerogative whether you want that to apply to you personally or not." He laughs just a shade too bitterly to be casual. "Not like I ever met anyone besides you and Davesprite personally anyway, to say nothing of airing all the dirty laundry of all my-"

"Whoa, wait," you interrupt. You know a rant amping up when you hear it. That it's coming from your teen bro is even weirder. And it's not like you're used to _talking about your feelings_ with any version of _him_ , either. "What did Davesprite even say to you?”

"He was mostly pissed off I didn't tell everyone I was getting the crowbar," he responds, turning his head away. "I told him Terezi and Rose already knew, but he was still chewing me out about it." He falls silent, but doesn't seem like he's done talking.

You have no idea when you acquired this much patience. The you three years ago would be doing an acrobatic fucking pirouette off the handle right now. Present you doesn't _feel_ more patient, but you can't keep burning bridges anymore.

“I don’t know if I should be remembering things or not,” Dirk says, “but I don’t know what Davesprite was expecting, either.” He still looks just as rigid as when you first saw him. "...I don't remember fighting anyone like that before," he adds quietly. “Sorry.”

The words feel like they're stabbing into places that you thought you'd reinforced better. You have to clench your fist and will yourself not to scream at him about LOWAS, or that you’d probably do the exact same thing Davesprite did.

"But you got rid of a juju, right?" you grind out.

"Yeah. Cal." At least he understands you're done talking about Davesprite.

"And your denizen fixed the crowbar for you," you continue. "We should get rid of the rest of those jujus before Cal shows up for real." You try to make it up to him by not mentioning how thoroughly everyone is going to be obliterated if they force you to fight Cal while he still has backups in place.

"There wasn't anything to _fix_ ," Dirk says, "it just got...combined so I can use it without having my skin rust from the physical contact." He pulls the weapon out of his specibus. "It's the Crow-Bar, with a hyphen." It's both a sword and a crowbar. The blade is a deep maroon, hooked and split at the end like a seven, and the hilt is the same as his katana. The guard is wider now, shaped like a pair of orange wings, one of which is ripped off halfway. "I got Yaldabaoth to meld the specibi."

"What did he make you do for it?" you ask. You're not sure you want to know, but you probably owe it to Davesprite to ask anyway; the evidence is staring you in the face.

When you asked Terezi for clarification about Davesprite’s death, she only told you to ask Dirk about it. You still aren't sure you want to have that conversation with him - the last time you two talked about a dead sprite wasn't fun, either - but you feel like you have to try again, now, because Terezi would be appalled at you both for ignoring cold, hard evidence.

"...I have to use it," is all he says, then promptly puts it away. You wish you didn't understand what he means by that.

"I got a new sword, too," you say. It seems like as awkward a time as any. You put your hands in your pockets again to let him know you hate why you need it as much as he hates his. "Some Welsh fucker decided to name it Caledfwlch."

"What, like the King Arthur sword?" Dirk raises an eyebrow.

"Jade made it for me with the cueball on LOHAC," you shrug. Dirk frowns. "That cueball might be another juju," you add. "You should ask Terezi about it."

"Sure," he says, still frowning.

"...What?" He's starting to tense again.

"What I meant to say was," he stops, swallows, and starts again, "I'm happy for you." He looks like every word is physically painful. "You look like you belong together." You freeze for a second, and then your face goes perfectly blank. He notices.

Shit.

Shit.

You can't tell him what's going to happen. He sounds too wistful. You can't get used to emotions on his face being that raw.

"Thanks," you reply, voice as calm as you can get it. You hate this game.

"Didn't mean to make you uncomfortable," Dirk adds. "But considering how badly I screwed up my own personal life," he clicks his tongue unhappily, "it was just... nice to see you happy." You have to remind yourself again that you're more patient than you were three years ago. "One of us should have something go right." The corner of his mouth quirks up nigh-imperceptibly.

"Is this about your fight with Crocker?" you ask. You need to change the subject because you don't think your heart can handle him talking about Jade anymore. It's ironic in the worst way.

"...What?" Now, Dirk's just confused. "No, it's-" he stops himself abruptly. "Nevermind," he declares, brisk. It must be Roxy, then, even though she’d only had dubiously positive things to say about him when you’d talked to her last. Is that why he came to the pyramid? You wonder if you should pester Rose and tell her Mommy and Daddy are getting a divorce. It's the only way to be able to laugh about it.

"Aight," you say, because you’re really not one to talk about not telling people shit.

"Anyway, Terezi and I should start juju-hunting," he says.

"Sounds good," you reply. Dirk turns and walks back towards the pyramid entrance; his footsteps are too brisk to be casual.

"See you around," he says, raising a hand without looking back.

"See you," you echo. You're not sure either of you believes the other. At least you're a little more cool with each other than before. That's something.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

You go back to combing friezes for signs of Lord English. It’s slow, boring work, and you only feel the resentment creep back up on you the further into the pyramid you wander. With fingers dragging along the sandstone purely to shake things up, you have to blink to stop the glyphs from blurring together. The one time you find a passage about a skeletal demon, it only talks about Roxy freeing a goddess from the prison of flesh that had bound her to her unnamable jailer.

When you try to pester Roxy for some insight, Pesterchum won’t connect you. Wherever she is in the Outer Ring, she’s out of range. You make an attempt to pester Rose instead, but she’s so distracted with the tadpole and Kanaya that you only end up feeling more frustrated.

You launch into an extended metaphor featuring the divorce rate in the long-destroyed Earth; she goes straight for the jugular of trying to decode the subtext in your ramblings, of course, but you don't think you actually want to talk about 50% of marriages ending in divorce. Neither do you want to talk about cherubs sharing a body. Maybe you're just talking to talk because you can't think of the point of slogging through this godforsaken pyramid when you could be doing literally anything else instead of feeling the future breathing down your neck.

TG: i dunno i think im lost on this shit  
TG: or maybe im just lost in this fucking death trap pyramid  
TG: been going round in circles  
TG: all these friezes look the same  
TG: i cant tell which way is up anymore  
TG: got some mad consort chickenscratch vertigo here  
TT: Should I send Jade to fetch you? Is that your ulterior motive?  
TG: ha fetch  
TT: On second thought...  
TG: fine just leave me here to perish all on my own  
TT: Is that a plea for assistance I hear from the boy who won't stop making dog puns?  
TG: no dont bother  
TG: its hopeless  
TG: gonna spend my final hours in some godforsaken pyramid next to a bunch of nakodile doodles  
TG: got no idea where i am  
TG: im so lost i

"There you are," someone behind you says. You whip your head around sharply. There in the corridor, in a pale yellow God Tier shirt and a speedo, hands on his hips and grinning madly, green eyes sparkling behind thick glasses, is probably the last person you'd expected to see. "I knew I'd run into you eventually, Dave." He looks like John and Jade, but at the same time, there's something very curious about him that you can't quite place.

TG: wait nvm  
TT: Dork.  
turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

"Wait, you're..."

"English," he says, winking at you. "Jake English. I'm here to help you out."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title taken from [For Me This Is Heaven](http://youtu.be/cjnRk1zb5kM) by Jimmy Eat World.


	3. Entropy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave and Jake explore a pyramid together and talk about chess, with some unexpected revelations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks as always to my beta, [mostlyharmless](http://archiveofourown.org/users/mostlyharmless)! Sam is a treasure and spent many hours with me, polishing this chapter up, giving me pep talks when needed, and making silly jokes with me when timezones had me up til 1am :)
> 
> Art in this chapter is by [kf1n3](http://kf1n3.tumblr.com/).

"Are you really here to help me?" you ask, turning to fully face Jake, sliding your hands into your pockets.

"Of course!" he insists. "I don't have anything else to do anyway, and I thought you might appreciate some assistance with your foray into battle preparation."

"You mean the old Condesce didn't give you any orders of her own?"

Jake looks away, frowning suddenly.

"I didn't like them. They were stupid. And weren't going to work anyway." Jake's voice has gone clipped, and he's practically glowering; did you say something wrong again, or was the old Condesce just that much of a tyrant? "And she's dead now."

"Nah, it's okay, we've been making new plans anyway," you say. You can tell when the subject needs to be changed. "So how are you supposed to help me prepare for this giant Cal battle?"

"I've talked with your opponent before. Done a bit of," like a snap of the fingers, he's back to smiling, "reconnaissance of my own, if you will." He winks again. "I know what's what in his noggin." This kid is so _cheesy_ ; you hope his mood swings don't end up giving you a headache. You weigh Jake's overly energetic personality against the possibility of dying of boredom from trudging through this pyramid on your own.

"...Sure," you reply, "I'll let you tag along on this pseudo-inspirational field trip." At least you won't be bored.

"Excellent! So what are we looking for?" He peers at the consort writings in front of the two of you.

"Anything about what Cal's been doing or how he operates," you say. "Most of what's in here about cherubs is talking about his sister, but every once in a while, you get some info about Cal himself." You point to the passage on the frieze in front of you. "I think the one I just found is implying that they shared a body, or something."

"Hmm," Jake mouths the translation to himself as his fingers trace the glyphs. "And this goddess they're talking about..."

"That's his sister," you answer. "But you can figure stuff out about Cal if you approach it from the other direction."

"The other direction?" Jake raises an eyebrow at you.

"I think you have to... sneak up on it, or look at it backwards," you say. It's easier to do it than it is to actually explain it. It's almost like making a SBAHJ comic in reverse; if you think about it too hard, it just stops making sense, but if you let your intuition take over and trust the stream-of-consciousness as more important than anything approaching linearity or even coherency, the answer sorts itself out in the end.

"Backwards, hum..." his face scrunches up in concentration, then clears. It's like watching a flock of birds land on a wire, all at once, and then inexplicably take off again in a flurry of wings, only sped up, on someone's bespectacled face. Every emotion is loud and theatrical. "That seems simple enough."

Does it? You're not used to other people agreeing with you about that. That's... weird, in a way that makes you feel distinctly uncomfortable.

"Where have you been, anyway?" you ask instead. "From what I heard, you were MIA for a while." You try to brush your unease off, but you can tell from the way he turns his head that it's crept into your voice regardless.

"To tell the truth," he says, still examining the frieze distractedly. "I was imprisoned by that troll empress on Derse." His voice is halting awkwardly again, and he won't look at you. He must be really embarrassed about it, or at least that's what you can infer from his mood changes. "I only escaped because there was some ballyhoo. With the guards."

"That was me," you respond. "I was helping un-brainwash Crocker, so you're welcome, I guess." Now it's your turn to look away. Way to bring a sore subject up again.

"She's back to her usual self, is she?" Jake comments, back to rambling blithely. "Only a minor setback for a girl with such a large empire circling about her, I suppose." He starts walking down the corridor, fingers tracing glyphs; you follow quietly. "I've always believed that things eventually resolve when one has the willpower to overcome one's opposition."

"That's pretty optimistic," you say. You still remember the look on Jane's face after she'd killed the old Batterwitch.

"A fellow with true gumption won't rest until he's victorious," Jake insists, turning around to frown at you. "If some ruffian tries to put the kibosh on your plans, you find your chutzpah and give them what-for." He's walking backwards now, wagging his finger at you. "Anyone worth their salt can hit on all sixes if they use their noggin right."

The old-timey language is flowing off his tongue pretty smoothly for someone who's attempting to talk philosophy in a debatably bloodthirsty manner. You wonder how much of that theatricality of Jake's is natural, and how much is exaggerated for effect.

He's still walking backwards. The corridor is going to turn a corner soon. Maybe you should warn him.

"Dude, the-"

"I'm not done yet," Jake says, still wagging his finger. "I'm sick to death of people telling me I'm. Slow at learning things. I may have fallen prey to a bit of jargogling in my time, but I-"

"Dude, I meant you might wanna-"

"I won't let some. Cheeky know-it-all Mister Orange call me out on the carpet for. Accusations that are total bunk. And I certainly won't let you-"

Jake runs into the wall with a yelp. He spins, and as you catch up, his gaze is fixed on the wall carvings with intense concentration.

"Aha!" he grins, pointing at the carvings. "Here's some news!"

"I was trying to warn you," you say, resisting the urge to laugh.

"But I discovered it by going backwards," Jake replies. "The lizards thought they were giving us the run-round, hiding our plunder from us in all these nooks and crannies, but see how things resolved perfectly once we delved unflinchingly into the breach?"

"If you say so." You shrug and keep a tight grip on the corner of your mouth because he's got no idea what that just sounded like to your ears. "For three years I've been shafted, navigating my way through a tangle of Horrorterrors, not knowing the secrets hidden in the nooks on this planet if only I had the cojones to penetrate the veil of secrecy."

"Like I said, you've got to picture your victory decisively in the ol' braincase, and it's curtains for your opponent."

"Veils, curtains, whatever," you reply. Dirty jokes aside, wouldn't it be convenient, if his hyperactive positivity actually did anything. But Jake's attention is already off to something else again.

"These must be past battles," Jake says, pointing to one of the frescoes. "This one is about the chess game said to be recreated in Complacency of the Learned."

"What, like Rose's wizard fiction?" you ask.

"Oh, I never read those books in detail," Jake replies, waving a hand absently. "They were boring. But this," he traces a line from one fresco to another, and you follow him around the corner, "shows the procession of that fateful game, does it not?" He points emphatically to the glyphs as the corridor turns sharply to the left. You keep one eye on his hand and the other on your surroundings. "Here, green is continuing her assault, while red appears to be responding very conservatively."

"I thought chess games were played with black and white pieces," you comment. "Like all the carapace dudes." Jake looks back at you for a moment.

"This one is red and green," he says. For exactly .6142 seconds, his expression is entirely unreadable. Then, he flashes you another toothy grin. "It looks to be one of the best games I've ever seen, so pay attention. This is a real treat."

“Really.” What a ham.

"Okay," Jake says, brisk, "here is where his sister - green - begins the main thrust of her attack." He stands on his toes and points towards a section of the fresco high on the wall. "Then, her brother - red - plays a conservative defense uncharacteristic of his usual conquering attitude." Jake's finger swoops down, then to the left. "She thinks she's invincible, but he remains implacable."

"So Calliope is winning?" you ask.

"Pay attention, Dave," he scolds.

"Right, go ahead." You hope your shrug telegraphs that you couldn't really care less, but Jake is already back to scanning the wall.

"Thank you. Anyway, she was very confident at that point in time." Jake follows some line you haven't yet translated further left. "She mocks his pre-game request for the King and Queen to trade places on the board, but ultimately chooses to accept. This will be important later." He looks back at you, and you raise an eyebrow. "Follow this next part closely."

His finger goes up, down-right, down again, up-left, then down-left. Then holding that finger in place, he traces another swoop in the down-left corner with his other hand.

"His sister continues her aggressive strategy, while her brother evades instead of attacking in return. She begins to corner him." Both his fingers dart left again. "Now, we are coming to the most important part. She presses her advantage, with hubris and offensive plays."  The action goes up again, still to the left. You must be a quarter down the hall, by now. "She advances, he retreats," Jake's fingers go left once more, "she aggresses, he evades, she checks, he counters," he's speaking faster, now, and you follow as best you can, "she checks again, he dodges, she checks four times altogether, _she declares checkmate_ , and _then_ -"

Jake moves to the left, his foot landing heavy on the stone with his momentum, and you hear a click. Just as every hair raises in your neck, a single gear creaks. Instinctively, your arm shoots out, pushing Jake back and pinning him against the chessboard-frieze wall.

The floor drops open into a chasm of spikes.

"You gotta watch where you're going," you tell Jake.

"We can fly, you know," Jake says flatly, face reddening.

"You can't have known it was a trapdoor," you respond.

"I'm perfectly capable. Of taking care of myself. I won't be caught flat-footed. By some measly little bottomless pit trap." Sounds like he didn't see that one coming at all. "I'm an expert adventurer, I'll have you know." He frowns, pushing your arm down and out of the way.

"It was a reflex," you say. "Sorry. Jesus."

"Honestly. You're almost as bad as Dirk." Way to be grateful for not dying painfully.

"Is that a compliment or an insult?" you ask him.

" _Anyway_ ," Jake says, floating over the chasm to point at the wall again, "here is where her brother reveals the truth." Whatever, that absentminded nerd can be embarrassed about Dirk bailing his ass out if he’s really itching to. You've got convoluted chess shit to learn. "The King is the queen! And the Queen is the King! He has not lost!" Jake turns to grin at you. "The game continues."

And that was sure another mood quick-change.

"And his sister allowed that? Isn't that cheating?"

"The two royals had not switched places after all," Jake replies. "The game was still legal. They kept playing." You sigh inwardly and follow him, though you deliberately put your hands back in your pockets.

"Ok, so what happened next?"

"The game proceeds over here," Jake points left again; you both float across the pit. "Now, her brother finally carries out the attack he's been planning the entire game." His fingers point to apparently significant images. It's still difficult for you to follow the action without assistance, though. "No more hiding and evading for him. He attacks with a thousand times the ruthlessness of his sister's previous strategies." The action goes up, left, down-left, then in a circle. "Finally, he closes in on her. He's going to corner her, just like she cornered him before."

"So what does she do?" you ask. "How does she counter him?"

"She doesn't," Jake says.

"...What?"

"She knows by then that he's going to win. _He's_ known he's going to win since they started. They both know he's going to win. So she quits. She breaks the board in half."

"And... that's it?" You feel ill. "That's the end of the game?"

"Game over," Jake nods. You both touch down on the other side of the chasm. "But it's crafted so expertly." There's a dark, jagged line running down from the top of the diagram to the floor, but the pictures on the wall are already so chaotic, you can't tell if it's intentional or not. "Disguising the queen as a king and the king as a queen was a truly brilliant move. Don't you think?" You feel so heavy.

"I don't really know how to play chess," you respond slowly, still trying to decipher the outcome of the game and the consort carvings into a coherent picture, "but I’m still pretty sure that’s cheating." Jake gives you a long-suffering look.

"His _sister_ was the one who cheated," he insists. "By agreeing to switch the places of the King and Queen. She lost because she broke the rules." You're not sure you agree with his definition of cheating, but he keeps talking, so you let it drop. "It's a shame you don't know how to play chess. I'll have to teach you sometime."

"Not that I don't appreciate the offer," you say, despite not actually being sure about that, "but shouldn't we finish all this fighting first?"

"It's not that hard," Jake laughs. “You just tell the pieces where to go.” It's irritating.

"Yeah, whatever." You shove your hands more deeply into your pockets. "Let's find the next fucking frieze already." This one is just too depressing.

"That's the spirit," Jake says. "We'll make a proper knight out of you yet." You roll your eyes behind your shades because the eagerness for battle is just as annoying as the chess talk. "On to the next amphibian-created carving." He points down the corridor. "Lead the way."

"Aight." You slink down the corridor, hands still in your pockets, and he starts following you. Dumb cheese master doesn't know what it's like to be stuck in that kind of fight.

The two of you lapse back into silence. You skim the walls, but they're all talking about Roxy again.

"This is quite enjoyable, isn't it?" Jake says. "So much information for a chap to whet his brain-whistle on." That barely makes sense.

"It's mostly random consort gossip and planet-based quest info about Roxy, isn't it?" you reply.

"I suppose the general content isn't up to standard most of the time," he says. "Even the contraptions built to keep out intruders are fairly pedestrian. Not nearly as complicated as that robotic bunny, and certainly not anything that could hold a candle to the things Dirk's made. By the way, don't touch anything that looks like a diamond in this hall."

"What?" You snatch your hand back.

"Powerful narcotics in the darts in the walls. You'd be out for three days. Not ideal, eh?" Jake fucking winks at you again, then hops in a diagonal pattern across the next stretch of floor. "Anyway, Dirk's made some great stuff. Were you aware that he can build entire limbs to replace those a fellow's lost? He even built a robotic copy of himself that he sent to my island from the future. Very different from those movies, though. Watch your feet, too."

"Robot copies? Which movies are you talking about?" You try to follow Jake's steps. No darts shoot out, so you must not be doing too badly.

"Very funny, Dave," Jake rolls his eyes. "Anyway, I have to show you." he stops jumping and takes out his phone; you look over his shoulder. The background is the Terminator, partly on fire and holding a giant assault rifle. "He's a genius. So frustrating, though."

"'Cause a jacked-up bodybuilder dude gunning down other dudes as a flaming skeleton-robot is the height of classic cinematic art," you drawl, barely managing to not crack a smirk.

"That goes without saying," Jake says. "but I was talking about Dirk's robot. The artificial limb's production level was high enough that it was able to mesh flawlessly with the client's biological systems, but the Brobot was an unparalleled masterpiece of biomechatronics." He digs swiftly through his picture folders. You wish he'd stop talking about Dirk. "Here it is. The motion-sensor camera on the skulltop took this one."

What the fresh fuck are you looking at. The robot itself itself looks as well-constructed as the one Jade had, but what it's doing...

"Why is it jumping out of a tree with a sword pointed at you?"

"It was for training purposes," Jake insists. "A mite terrifying, but we had to improve the pathetic state of Past Jake one way or another." Why is he grinning?

"Randomly jumping at people might improve your reflexes, but your ass still gets kicked in the end, you know," you say, not especially feeling like humoring Jake's idea of a good training session.

"The Brobot was quite friendly on the Novice setting." He shoves his phone in his sylladex, blushing again, so hastily he doesn't even bother to lock it. "Always handy with the post-training bandages." You don't know how someone's mood can turn on a dime like that, even if having your ass kicked by a robot is embarrassing. "Downright useful if you knew how to deal with it. Ripped its own heart out for the uranium and everything."

Both Jake's mood and yours change gears in swift order, but not in the same direction.

"Ripped it out for uranium?" you ask sharply. Dirk's Brobot ripped his nuclear heart out for this kid? That almost sounds like something from a novel Karkat would read, so of course it's too ridiculous to take seriously.

The image catches in your mind, though. You try your best not to think about what the Mayor told you once regarding uranium-removal and gaping chest wounds, how Jack had just shoved his hand in and yanked out a glowing green rock to further his murder spree, and what would've become of the Mayor had he not been healed in the bubbles at the last minute. You try really hard not to think what that might look like if a Brobot did that to itself, just for fuel. It doesn't work.

"I needed to power up the transportalizer. He acquiesced." Jake starts hopping ahead of you again, a soft _hah_ escaping his lips with each jump. "Very useful, robots. More than humans." Like usefulness matters if it still results in an empty pile of metal. "Let's get back to work. This game won't win itself."

"What if I wanna learn more about biomechatronics?" you ask, mostly out of frustration. "I gotta learn how to fall over myself ripping shit out and losing body parts for a real important Cal-fighting-relevant reason."

"Look at this drawing," Jake says, stopping to point at yet another goddamn frieze. You tamp down your thoughts about uranium and chest wounds in... Anyway, you go with the subject change as best you can and follow his steps. "Here he is. Entering the medium." He won't look at you. "Tragically wounded but victorious in overcoming. His sister and game entry conditions." Maybe you hurt his feelings.

"Where's his sister in this?" you ask.

"She's dead. Here's his kernelsprite." Well, now you feel like a jerk.

"Nice catch," you say. You should cheer him up. "What does he put in it?"

"The other kernelsprite. And then the universe." You blink behind your shades.

"Wait... how does that work?"

"Well," Jake says, turning and gesturing with his hands, "you've got his kernelsprite coming out of the turny-doodad here, and his sister's kernelsprite coming out at the same time over here. Because they had the same body, all the game apparatus was in the same location." He's starting to perk up again. "But if two kernelsprites are too close to each other, they just-" he claps his hands together, "-merge and prototype each other."

"Like a feedback loop," you realize.

"Exactly!" Jake grins. "They don't recognize they've been prototyped, so they just keep sucking things in. The game contraptions, the room, the ancient cinematically significant statues, the planet, everything."

"Statues?"

"There are always decrepit cinematic statues in the future at the end of the universe," Jake says.

"Right." That's hilarious.

"And then," Jake says, almost bouncing on his feet as he scans the wall. "Here it is! This must be the black hole the kernelsprites created. Once they reached the threshold size, there was really no stopping them." He points to what looks like a sun with a spiral tail. "See how it's sucking in the red sun?"

"That's not the Green Sun?" you ask. You remember the Green Sun, remember dripping plasma as your body reformed, pushed by expanding energy to the surface. It's difficult to think of Suns that aren't green anymore.

"No, see. Look at the way the consorts stained the rock." Jake runs his fingers along the stone. "It's red. Not green." Granted, most of the paint has flaked off by now, but you can still see some candy-red chips on the wall if you squint. "And here is where the red giant goes into the black hole.” His fingers trace the spiral inwards, now slow and careful; he's still smiling, though.

"How do you know so much about these carvings?" you press. It's starting to get a little freaky, how enthusiastic he is.

"I told you, I'm an expert adventurer."

"No, about black holes," you clarify. It doesn't exactly seem like his area of expertise.

“Well, it's all very orderly, really. You have the kernelsprites, and the sun,” he continues. "Once the kernelsprite reached a certain mass, gravity took care of the rest. The basic principle with black holes is the same. Even a universe operates the same way, at the end, just on a larger scale."

"Does it?" Physics only makes your head spin.

"It's all entropy in the end, Dave," Jake says, smile playing mischievously on his face. A shock of terror you can't explain thrills its way down your spine.

"...What do you mean?" Your voice is only calm because you've had years of practice.

"The end of the universe," he clarifies, as if it's obvious. "No matter how the outward expansion of energy tries to escape, the gravity in the center always wins out in the end. Then, everything collapses inwards to form the black hole." His dark green eyes are pleased and glittering behind his glasses. "That’s what happens to everything past the critical point, eventually, even suns. Really, you've got to keep up if you want to last five minutes against your opponent. You should know this by now." It almost feels like talking to Aradia.

"How do you know all this stuff?" you press, pulse thudding too loud in your ears.

"I think it's my job," Jake says. "As a page." He turns his head to grin at you. "To help you prepare for your final battle."

"No, man..." You feel rattled, and you don't know why. "I mean-" you cut yourself off, swallowing awkwardly.

"Hmm?" He tilts his head to the side, just so, his hand dropping from the wall. The grin disappears, replaced by an inquiring expression, and he looks so much like Jade in that moment that you have to take a sudden step back.

Thinking about Jade reminds you of when she was last in the pyramid, how the two of you had dodged everyone for a few more moments to yourselves, but it was okay for everyone to laugh it off after because the future was too terrifying to do anything else. Everyone except Dirk, who'd been so _raw_ when he looked at you and Jade, even while he was insisting things should work out for you and her.

And Jake's been going on and _on_ , talking about Dirk so much it borders on the ridiculous. Maybe Jake is just being his dorky self, but you feel like there's got to be something else going on, or you wouldn't feel like your nerves are sparking on the ends of your fingers, wouldn't feel snapped in half inside your chest, being reminded of Jade when you haven't even been talking about her at all, and you don't know how...

Oh. Dirk was talking about Jake. They were… that was totally a thing, wasn’t it. You're suddenly completely certain of that. The realization is enough to make you pause, tear down, and remake the idea of your bro. Now, it's almost obvious that Dirk reacted the way he did back then because Jake looks _so much_ like Jade with that face, right in the eyes, it makes you ache.

Jade would never talk like that about entropy, though. You feel like Jade is the opposite of entropy. The ache twists and catches in your throat and in your gut.

"I mean," you repeat. Something is very strange about all this, you feel, and you don't know what. Instinctively, you start lying your ass off. "My bro never mentioned anything about suns or black holes or any robot shit when I was talking to him." Of course, Dirk never mentioned Jake by name, or ripping out his heart for - in any case, there are a lot of things about your bro that make more sense than they did five seconds ago, so you just roll with it and decide with a sudden confidence that you'll get it right.

“I don’t expect he would,” Jake answers, frowning. “Dirk doesn’t understand yet. But he will.” He glances back at the frieze, fingertips brushing the flaking red paint again. “There were harsh words. On both sides of that conversation.” You wonder if that halting way of speaking is something that happens to him when he’s especially upset. “But I can deal with him later. We have to focus on the current situation.”

“I agree,” you lie. “Getting distracted from the battle is hella irresponsible.” You hate yourself a little for saying it, but you can’t get rid of your antsiness. “How’d you know to come here, anyway?” Jake looks back at you. “To look at friezes and shit.”

“Oh. The friezes,” Jake answers. What else would you be talking about? “To help you, obviously.”

“Yeah, obviously.” You have no idea why he’s supposed to help you.

"When I escaped from Derse, I went back to LOMAX and talked with my sprite about my role and whatnot. He kept trying to be mysterious and lacking in proper jollity. While I explored some ancient burial mounds and massacred a bunch of underlings. You know how it goes."

"Right." You have no idea what the hell he's talking about, but you're still jumpy, so you keep lying. Maybe if you keep him blabbing, he might eventually say something that's semi-coherent.

"I think I learned then what it truly meant. To be the Page of Hope."

"So what does it mean?" That this kid is bonkers?

"It was an awfully great adventure," Jake laughs. "To learn where you truly belong in the grand scheme of things." How did Dirk ever date someone this creepy? "Oh, and he gave me this really powerful gun, too. I re-alchemized it to fit my specibus, but the functionality is the same." Suddenly, he whips out two blue pistols with diamond-shaped protrusions on the tips.

You take another step back. Jake laughs again.

"Pretty ripping, don't you think?" he asks. "Now that I'm no longer imprisoned, I'm going to make good use of these." You feel like you've seen them somewhere before.

"They look like that gun that came with the robot bunny," you say. Wasn't that gun meant for Jade?

"You mean Terry Kiser?" That is the dumbest name you have ever heard. “I built him, you know.” Jake twirls one of the pistols around his finger. “Erisol is dead, now, though. He was so happy about me accepting my role that he burst! All that lime blood got everywhere! I suppose I should say I'm going to miss him? He was very helpful, as mystical guides go."

"Is there anyone's sprite who isn't dead?" you ask. Jake shrugs.

"He was always moping when he was alive, though. Maybe he'll feel better in the bubbles." You decide not to tell him about the mass destruction going on out in the Furthest Ring because you don't want to kill his optimism.

"That reminds me, you still need to talk Rose into sending that gun to my sprite in the past. So I can pick it up on LOMAX before I talk to you."

"I'm still wandering this pyramid in the past, though," you reply. "I don't remember seeing myself here before." There were also a handful of other people here at different times, and for the same reason you've been lying, you don't want Jake to know about them, either. Even Dirk, though the two of them clearly need to sort out their issues.

"We'll go to the pharaoh's secret burial chamber, then," Jake says. How does he even know about a burial chamber in Roxy's land? You don't know how that's supposed to be connected to all the mythological shit he learned from his sprite. "Shh."

Jake holds a pistol to his mouth like he's whispering, winks exaggeratedly, then turns and starts tiptoeing around a corner. You silently slide Caledfwlch out of your specibus, more because Jade made it for you than because you're enthused about making progress in the search for clues about Lord English, but also because you're still too weirded out to feel comfortable unarmed. You gesture with your head for Jake to continue when he pauses to look at your sword, then follow him down the stone corridor.

A few twists and turns later, including two instances of figuring out which floor tiles wouldn't unleash a deadly barrage of poisoned arrows, and the two of you come to a large stone frieze set into an alcove. Then, a single minute where Jake just freezes in place, fingers gripped tight enough around his pistols to crack, teeth gritted, and eyes boring holes into the stone. You don't interrupt because it feels like the heavily-kohled eyes in the center of the frieze, surrounded by an expanse of planets and constellations, are staring back at him.

As sudden as the onset, Jake's tension eases, and he puts his pistols away.

"This one is a riddle," Jake says. "I figured it out, though. Put your sword away. I can't push them all at once." You're not sure that's true - and your spine feels like jumping out of your skin again at the thought of being unarmed - but he won't talk unless you cooperate, so you slide Caledfwlch back snugly into your specibus.

"Which ones do we need to push?" You ask.

"You get the purple one, the sheep, and the teapot. I'll get the orange one, the black one, and the backwards six."

"It's not supposed to be a teapot, dude." You're pretty sure it looks like a giant, starry smuppet.

"Just get ready to push," he says. "On the count of three." You roll your eyes behind your shades, but move your hands to the appropriate positions.

The eyes guarding the tomb look a little like Jade's eyes, you think. Not in shape so much as in color.

"One, two, three." Six panels click into place, and with a shudder and faint rain of dust, the door slides into the wall.

Inside, the rectangular chamber is fairly small. There's a sarcophagus on a low dais in the center, and lining the walls are shelves with jars and boxes of offerings. Everything smells dusty and faintly of honey. In one small chest, there is nothing but metallic-looking honeycomb that hums, even without bees. An ancient urn depicts a three-way battle between denizens with a pile of treasure in the middle. A box is decorated with a woman singing to a snake, who is offering her a pumpkin, then that same woman with a bird and a cat in battle armor emerging from the pumpkin. On one shelf are half a dozen or so fist-sized jars with lids. Under all the dust and honey covering various artifacts, some of those jars seem to have been smashed a good hundred years ago, or at least before the chamber was sealed. You decide to keep this last detail to yourself.

You're interrupted from your observations be a loud scraping sound. You whip around to find Jake pushing the lid off the sarcophagus.

"Help me move this, Dave."

"What do you want a mummified corpse for?" you ask. "No, wait, don't tell me. I probably don't wanna know."

"There's no corpse," Jake says. How would he know? "Get over here."

"Then what is it?"

"Treasure, of course."

" _Right_ , of course." You draw the word out, rolling your eyes behind your shades again. “Clearly, I'm the inexperienced one here when it comes to busting open graves in dusty pyramids."

"Then listen to the expert and push," Jake says impatiently.

"Sure, whatever." You leave the jar observation and move next to him, leaning low and shoving the stone lid off the sarcophagus. The stone scrapes so loudly it rattles your teeth, but together, the two of you get it open enough to see its contents.

There is a single pile of gauzy, white fabric, which Jake snatches up with a grin.

"Excellent." The fabric drapes like some type of cape, and the Hope aspect symbol is embroidered on the semi-transparent folds in a more solid white. "You've been most helpful, Dave. Even Dirk wasn't such an eager student of archaeology." Jake frowns, at that. "It's of the highest importance that you get up to speed. The clock is ticking, so to speak." He winks exaggeratedly again.

"You keep talking about my bro." The words leave your mouth before you realize how weird a topic this is. “What is going on with you two, anyway?”

"Dirk can be so frustrating," Jake says. "He puts so much effort. Into worrying about stupid things." His speech is becoming more stilted again. He looked a second ago like he was about to put the cape on, but instead captchalogues the cape with a huff. “When instead he could be. Focusing on the best ending.” You can see him trying and failing to be optimistic, blustery, or winking; his mood has gone all sharp. "...Which is not to say. That he has had a considerate or intelligent boyfriend." He's really beating himself up about this, isn't he?

It occurs to you that Dirk had a similar expression - albeit a subtler one - when he'd implied his own romantic frustrations. You think for a moment about how you had to lie to Jade, and how Dirk said that at least one of you deserved to have something go well.

"Look," you start, "if you guys are fighting-"

"Dirk broke up with me," Jake interrupts. "And it was entirely deserved." You close your mouth silently and raise your eyebrows just high enough above your shades for him to know you're listening. "I don't think there has ever been a more oblivious, thick-headed. Or fickle imbecile in all of Paradox Space." He spits it out with such invective that you can tell he's entirely sincere. "Dirk is much better suited. To a chap who can conquer his own natural difficulties. Who can overcome them to be successful. And that person is certainly not Jake English."

"Alright, imma stop you right there," you reply, getting out your timetables. Jake tenses, like he's ready for another dressing-down. You can even see his fingers twitch unconsciously for his guns. "I'm gonna rewind and get Rose to send you that gun, _you're_ donna dial back this weird self-loathing, and then I'm gonna let you know what I think about this thing with you and Dirk." You watch Jake blink at you, then shift yourself back in time with a flick of your wrist. The universe rewinds itself and clicks into place an hour and three minutes earlier, before the time you were carving your bloody path through Derse.

You are alone in the pharaoh's burial chamber.

The first thing you notice about the burial chamber in the past is that only one of the small jars on the wall has been smashed. Examining them more closely, now that you don't have Jake looking over your shoulder, you also notice that there's a different drawing on each of the unbroken jars.

If you squint, they look like drawings of body parts.

There's a brain, eyes, lungs, a stomach, intestines, and what may or may not be a liver. You can't tell what organ the broken jar used to be. You're fairly certain it's going to be gross, but you get the strange urge to open one of the unbroken jars up and see if the mummified viscera is really there.

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]  
TG: yo  
TG: i gotta ask a favor  
TT: Does this involve your Batterwitch-sponsored quest?  
TG: thats not important  
TT: Hmm.  
TG: dont hmm me ok theres a lot of weird shit going on for me right now  
TG: and by right now i mean in the future  
TT: Of course.  
TG: but the point is im stuck in this godforsaken pyramid and i need you to do me a solid right now  
TG: and whatever you do dont tell anyone else about it  
TT: ...Alright.  
TG: thank you  
TT: But just so you know, Kanaya, Karkat, the Mayor, and I are under the command of our mind-controlled friend right now, so I can't do anything too ostentatious while she’s around.  
TG: dont tell jade especially  
TT: The fact that Jade is stalking around like an especially verdigris werewolf while making mediocre attempts at nefariousness does not actually mean that I’m willingly helping her, you know.  
TG: i mean dont tell her when shes not crazy either i have plans ok  
TT: Oh?  
TG: lower that eyebrow i know youre raising right now  
TT: Consider it magnanimously lowered for the time being. What do you need me to do?  
TG: ok somewhere in or near jades house theres a giant blue gun  
TG: like the one that came with the bunny  
TG: i know you have a crystal ball so let me know when you find it  
TT: It's at the bottom of a pond right next to the front door.  
TG: ok cool i need you to nab it and send it to me  
TT: Do you want me to actually swim to get it, or can I lasso it with yarn like the great Texan seers of yore?  
TG: oh my god rose that is so offensive to everyone who ever existed  
TG: you know kanaya started that campaign to see you in a little yellow swimsuit  
TG: dont break her alien heart for the sake of human cowboy culture  
TT: Why don't I compromise and do both at the same time?  
TT: Just imagine: I could add a smuppet in this convoluted bikini-cowgirl-gun-retrieval somewhere, and it's not far off from the plot of one of your bro's best-selling videos.  
TG: why did you just remind me about that  
TG: why must you hurt me in this way  
TT: I love you too, brother dearest.  
TG: holy shit just get the fucking gun  
TT: Well, I for one enjoyed this little diversion while sneaking away to get my hands on a giant blue rifle.  
TG: how did you alchemize a bikini that fast  
TT: I just used magic to get it, obviously.  
TG: oh of fucking course  
TG: are we talking like normal magic or creepy dark horrorterror magic  
TG: because we talked about this rose  
TG: or i tried to anyway  
TG: addiction is a powerful thing  
TT: John zapped in a while back and gave me the Quills, so I think I'm fairly safe. He says he'll be back later.  
TT: I've actually been completely sober since I got to LOLAR a while back, too, if you're curious about that.  
TG: oh okay cool  
TT: What do you need a gun for, anyway?

You notice how abrupt that subject change is, but you're not going to bother her about it right now. The important thing is that she's trying to be responsible for the battle. Her sobriety‘ll stick once everything's over.

TG: its not for me  
TG: its for someone else  
TT: And who oh who would you be giving a rifle to without the knowledge of anyone but yours truly, especially not certain parties?  
TG: i cant tell

She's assuming it's Jade because who else would she assume it is with that teasing lavender text. You decide to let her think that because it's safer for everyone that way. For some reason you still haven't pinpointed yet, talking about Jake just feels like a bad idea.

TG: its a surprise  
TT: Oh, really?  
TG: your eyebrows up to its usual snarkiness isnt it  
TT: I have to admit it's enjoying itself a great deal. The view is just spectacular.  
TG: i hope it loses its balance and falls off your face  
TT: Do you want the code or not, dork? I don't actually have much time before Jade notices I'm gone.  
TT: I might have to spill the beans on this future gift-giving if she tortures me for information.  
TG: dont tell her im serious  
TG: and dont send the code to me now send it to lomax  
TT: And when will you be in LOMAX?  
TG: nowish but send it to the trollsprite there  
TT: Which one?  
TG: the one that goes ii and ww  
TT: I know exactly which one you're talking about, and I'm getting a headache just thinking about it.  
TG: tell him that the guns owner is gonna show up soon but itll be a little bit before he gets there  
TG: dont name names hell understand what hes supposed to do with it  
TT: Alright. It's been sent.  
TG: thanks

You decide to open the brain jar because you want to see how it looks compared to your own brain in a jar.

TT: If he hits on me again, it's your fault.  
TG: i accept the blame with dignity  
TG: fishdude hitting on everyone is the cross we both bear  
TG: and the sweet satisfaction of reverse trolling him into wwhiiny despair is the burden we stoically yet secretly joyfully accept

When you reach toward the brain-jar, the air gains a tension that makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up. You swallow and keep going.

TT: Oh, no.  
TG: you have to be strong rose  
TG: be strong for the sake of serving an alien sprite slash crime against nature his just desserts

You keep reaching, even though your spine stiffens and your pulse starts rushing. The air feels thicker, charged with an energy that has yet to reveal itself.

TT: ...Dammit.  
TG: rose?  
TT: Jade just found me.  
TG: so just lie to her or something  
TT: Oh, _fuck_.  
TG: its ok if shes pissed you already sent it

You're about to grab the jar's lid when the entire shelf lights up suddenly in rainbow-colored fire.

TT: Jack is here, too.  
TG: SHIT

You snatch back your hand at the last second. You've seen this energy before.

TT: The white Jack, too.  
TT: I have to guard the frog. Goodbye.

It's time magyyks. The same kind of magyyks Lord English has been using to destroy the Furthest Ring.

These jars belong to Lord English. These jars represent something important to him. These jars therefore need to be destroyed. But  you can’t touch these jars without being burned, and you think it must be because they were found in Roxy's land, not yours.

You whip out Caledfwlch, but it only makes the flames climb higher. When you try to swing at a jar, your sword is stopped by a barrier of heat, and even with your shades on, your eyes water at the glare. You take a step back but keep your sword out, gripping it tightly despite the sweat rolling down your arms and onto your hands.

TG: rose try not to die ok  
\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] is now an idle chum! --  
TG: you don't even have to respond but  
TG: i think i just realized something  
TG: and i think its something ive actually known for a while

Your shades start slipping in the heat, and you push them up with one hand while the other continues to point your sword at the fire. Even if Dirk hadn't warned you after his own fight with a juju, you have a gut-deep certainty that your shades are the only thing keeping you from getting possessed right now.

TG: i cant actually beat lord english  
TG: cal  
TG: i just cant  
TG: and i dont think im supposed to either  
TG: no matter how many friezes i look at or special welsh swords i use or snoop dogg prophecies i hear  
TG: i know he wants to fight me  
TG: maybe because im the time dude maybe because he doesn’t take girls seriously maybe because he has a grudge against me like dirk said i dont know where one motive stops and another starts  
TG: everythings a paradox anyway so its not like it doesnt loop  
TG: but he started wanting to fight me so early i cant go back or forwards enough to prevent it  
TG: there are some things i tried to stop thirty seven times  
TG: rose i doomed everyone thirty seven times in a row and i still couldnt stop it  
TG: its still going to  
TG: rose  
TG: rose if i cant even do that what chance do i have of beating cal let alone not fighting him at all  
TG: none okay  
TG: hes the worst fucking cheater theres ever been  
TG: and i hate my powers i hate them every single fucking time i use them  
TG: but if cal can cheat  
TG: then i think i can cheat too  
TG: because if i cant beat him anyway then i dont have to  
TG: because if he wants to fight me so much or kill me so bad  
TG: then ill give him back the biggest fuck you and make him so busy looking to get his stri-murder on with me that he wont even see it coming when his sister and roxy are the ones who charge in and save everybody  
TG: davesprite died fighting the jack that was possessed  
TG: but my bro got the crowbar and destroyed the juju right away didnt he  
TG: even when cal went from jack back to the puppet and we both know that thing was his fucking bff

You stare at the flaming jars. If one of them is destroyed, then that means there are six jars yet to be smashed.

TG: we just need to keep him busy until the other six jujus are gone and i need to distract him until his sister gets here to kill him for real  
TG: and this is gonna sound like a prime grade ironic statement but its also the truth  
TG: im really just here to buy time for everyone else

You wonder if you were meant to live through this game, even if you could somehow find a way for Jade to survive it. You wonder if it actually matters.

TG: i think im surprisingly okay with it  
TG: it doesnt feel like losing anymore  
TT: I don't know if you'll actually die or not. I can only guess probabilities.  
TT: But I don't want you to.

You know she's thinking of the same conversation you are. There isn't a moon for her to jump on anymore, though.

TT: A doomed Dave just died. And the white Jack. Our Jack ran away.  
TT: But Karkat saved the frog, white Jack saved the Mayor, and Jade is back to normal.  
TG: that means jane just killed the batterwitch  
TT: Yes, I know.  
TG: jades pissed again isnt she  
TT: Yes.  
TG: that means i have to sign off now  
TT: Dave.  
TG: but just contact me again  
TT: Dave, I  
TG: and dont tell past me anything  
TT: .....Got it.  
TG: bye  
turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

You disconnect. You put your sword away and take a few steps back. The flames disappear, and in their wake, the brain jar has cracked and collapsed. It already looks like it happened a thousand years ago. There's no sign of anything ever having been in the jar in the first place.

Walking back towards the sarcophagus, you wipe the remaining sweat off your brow with your sleeve, then steel yourself to fast-forward. You still hate it, but at least it feels like it's for a reason, now.

…Wait, maybe not yet. You stop so you can message Dirk. He should know about this juju-countdown situation, even if you don't mention the jars themselves.

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]  
TG: hey  
TG: gotta talk to you its important  
TT: i know you're messaging him twice in a row, but dirk's kinda busy right now!  
TT: is there anything i can pass on later?  
TG: is that you egbert  
TT: yeah, just a sec.  
timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]  
ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]  
EB: ok, that's better.  
EB: i can't talk long either, though, i'm still trying to calm him down.  
EB: his glasses-sprite exploded, and there was a fight, and he's pretty upset.

Right, you almost forgot how much he was flipping out when his sprite died. That's not even counting what was going on with Jane.

TG: what are you the strider whisperer  
EB: he was going to pass out if i didn't help him! it was really worrying.  
TG: does the shooshing really work if youre just gonna send him off to fight his denizen anyway  
TG: how did that even happen you just met him  
TG: talking to him is like talking to a brick wall did you koolaid man it or something  
EB: hey, you know...  
TG: like yeah i know the juju breaking thingy is important  
TG: and i really need to say something about that by the way  
EB: just because i'm helping dirk out doesn't mean you're not still my best bro :B

It is so _weird_ seeing John call him by his first name.

TG: of course i am what are you talking about i wasnt concerned about that at all  
EB: pffft.  
TG: if youve got some doubts bro just know that everything will be fine i got your back  
TG: gonna beat the bad guys when they go on the attack  
EB: so what were you gonna say about the crowbar?  
TG: hold on im not done reassuring you yet  
EB: *sigh* okay dave, go on and finish your lame rap.  
TG: we cant stop the ticking bombs for destinies this outta whack  
TG: but if you need to get told whos the guy wholl get it back on track  
TG: the rad ass motherfucker wholl pick up all the slack  
TG: dont stress the distance times a circle just like arnold ill be back  
TG: k im done  
EB: heh, that was actually pretty cheesy, dude.  
TG: i knew youd like it  
EB: i'm swooning in friendship as we speak :B  
TG: but seriously I know some shits gonna go down soon  
TG: but I think I just figured out how to cheat so  
EB: cheating at what? the game?  
TG: anyway dont worry about that  
TG: the point is  
TG: i also found out theres seven jujus total and two of them already got destroyed  
TG: so there's only five more dirk needs to get so pass that on  
EB: sure.  
TG: and i know youre new at the whole time travel zapping around thing still  
TG: but its important to remember that things either happen or they dont  
TG: so if you think somethings gonna happen itll probably happen no matter what you do  
TG: so shit is gonna get really weird sometimes but on the other hand it means you probably can't fuck up too bad either  
TG: its like karkat used to tell us way back when  
TG: we already fucked up or will fuck up in the ways were gonna fuck up cause he could see all the shit in the frog from his monitors  
TG: so just be the frog john  
EB: i'm bilious slick?  
TG: no you gotta get a new cool frog name  
TG: like monsieur gluant or señor mucoso or ginoo maburak or whatever  
EB: what do those things even mean?  
TG: it means it aint over til the universe frog croaks but its already happened in the future so youll be fine  
EB: i don't really get it...  
TG: thats fine it works better that way  
TG: hey that reminds me did you give rose her quills back yet  
EB: no, am I supposed to?  
TG: yeah shes gonna need em soon  
TG: or a while back  
EB: oh no! where is she? is she in trouble?!  
TG: shes on lofaf with the frog youll get there eventually if you zap enough  
EB: ok, I'll try!  
EB: talk to you soon!  
TG: later  
ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

...That's probably enough stalling. Time to go pull a Karkat and lecture other people on their relationships while ignoring your own doomed one. Your timetables feel a little superfluous now, but you take them out anyway because they still make you look cool.

When you return to the future, Jake is still surprised by your earlier outburst.

"Ok, English," you say, "lemme tell you what's really going on. I can barely believe I'm planning to do this, but if anyone's gonna have to deal with that particular pile of shit descending onto their head in a fraternal proboscalypse, it looks like that dude is me."

"And what might that be, Dave?" He still looks like he's anticipating a verbal lashing. This is good because you're about to give him one.

"I figure you must be pretty upset at Dirk, and it's probably for a good reason seeing as he's often a massive douche." You stow your timetables away and cross your arms; Terezi's told you it makes you look like a cop. "But I know for a fact that Dirk is just as busy beating himself up for whatever made you two split, which makes me think that you guys are just having a fight and don't actually need to be broken up at all."

"Dirk is still upset?" Jake asks.

"Yeah, and I bet it'd be a good thing if you talked to him yourself, instead of just to other people about him, at least," you confirm. "Besides, worrying about your relationship problems is hella distracting everyone involved from the final battle, myself included." Jake's mouth falls open in shock. "So even if for no other reason than you two have got to stop dragging everybody into this mess, consider this a knightly order to get your shit together so we can focus on beating skulldude."

"If I go see Dirk..." Jake starts pacing, tapping his chin with a finger as he walks back and forth. "If we could recover from that last debacle, then..." This kid just gets cheesier and cheesier, you think. "...delicate frame of mind..." Then, he pauses his muttering and looks at you. "Give me a solid answer to this next question, Dave."

"Hit me," you say, letting your hands fall casually into your pockets. You are the epitome of understanding.

"Do you think it's the right time to get to the bottom of things with Dirk? And if I bring him round, then will you really put your all into the battle?" He looks so _eager_. Yeah, this was the right decision.

"That was two questions, bro," you smirk.

"Does it really matter?" he huffs. "Just give me. An answer." And there's that quirk of him starting to lose his cool. You should probably go a little easier on poor Jake.

"I know that you two can have things work out if you try," you say, "and I also promise that if this particular thing is dealt with, I will think of nothing else but using my magic sword to defeat Lord Cal himself." Jake's face breaks out into a wide grin.

"I'm going to go find Dirk," he beams. "Remember what I told you about chess." Then, he winks theatrically one last time. "See you soon, Dave." You contemplate a sarcastic reply regarding the practicality of a chess lesson at the end of the universe, but Jake is already giving you a little wave and running out of the tomb.

What a weirdo.

Taking one last glance at the jars - noting that all but three are broken - you turn, walk out of the burial chamber, and head back in the direction of Derse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title inspired by the speech from [Control](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iy9KpprZRJA) and [Terrible Thought](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ohK_c1cVs9k) by POE.


	4. Thirty-Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Several irons explode in the fire, and the clock ticks down to the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, it's a new chapter! But I was determined to finish it before November was completely over, and it looks like I've accomplished that.
> 
> Many thanks, as always, to my lovely, wonderful, amazing beta reader, [mostlyharmless](http://archiveofourown.org/users/mostlyharmless). This fic would not be half as good without your help and encouragement.
> 
> Art in this chapter by [K. Starbuck](http://artofkbux.tumblr.com/post/140492438123/commission-for-rikudera-so-much-fun-friends)

\--turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]\--  
TG: yo crocker you need any help on derse  
TG: im pretty much finished digging around here on lopan  
TG: saw some nakodile carvings looted some treasure matured in a way appropriate to game related quests you know how it goes  
TG: anyway  
GG: Yes?  
TG: i got nothin to do so i figured i could trek on over to derse and give you a hand with stuff what do you say  
GG: You mean you _don't have anything to do_ , Dave?  
TG: yeah i got nothin to do  
TG: so are you cool with running your own moon now or can i help knock some recalcitrant carapaces into line for you  
TG: i think most of em are afraid of me now anyway so it shouldnt be too much trouble  
TG: maybe i should come just to be sure  
TG: you gotta watch those derse guys they can be pretty sneaky if youre not careful  
GG: Dave, you're rambling.  
TG: oh shit  
TG: guess my own radness got away from me again  
TG: its a curse really  
GG: Things are actually going pretty well here, at the moment.  
GG: Sollux has been translating the Alternian ship's technology, and Aradia's assisting with a lot of the cleanup on Derse itself.  
TG: oh  
TG: sorry about that by the way  
GG: ...I know why you did it. It's not your fault.

Well, now you feel terrible for reminding Jane about that.

GG: Some more company would certainly be welcome, though.  
TG: ok cool  
GG: You can help Jade and Karkat with their strategy meeting.  
TG: is jade there too still

You decide to start flying over there. Best to get a head start.

GG: Yes, she's  
GG: Oh, she says to say hello for her.  
TG: tell her i said hey

\--gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]\--  
GG: wait, i have at least five computers on me, i forgot  
GG: dave!!!  
TG: hey harley  
GG: you're coming to derse, right?  
TG: yeah  
GG: ok, i'll see you soon <3  
TG: k

Your exhale goes stuttered as you try to imagine her expression.

TG: ...  
TG: <3  
\--turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG]\--

Pesterchum is still beeping.

...Oh, right, you were checking up on Jane.

GG: Dave.  
GG: Stop making googly eyes at your girlfriend over pesterchum and focus.  
GG: Did you have anything else to say?

Jane does not sound like things are actually going well for her.

TG: sorry cant help it  
TG: you doing okay  
GG: I'm fine.  
TG: yeah i know youre like this badass motherfucking empress queen ceo with mad resurrection powers and crazy strong ladybuffness  
TG: but its ok to be a little stressed  
TG: cause i know you havent exactly had a good day  
GG: Is there a point to this ridiculous and insincere flattery?  
TG: what no hold up  
TG: the fact that i am madly in love is entirely separate from how sincerely concerned i am youre overworking yourself

You are actually the world's worst Crocker whisperer, but like hell you're not still going to try.

TG: sit down a minute take some deep breaths  
GG: Because if I have ONE MORE person thinking they know what's best for me, I am going to do an ACROBATIC FUCKING PIROUETTE off the handle of my enormous Skaia-fork and STAB THAT IMBECILE IN THE GUT!!!  
TG: im sensing some shallowly buried hostility here  
TG: unearth that sucker and make like dr frankenstein on its corpse  
GG: Funny you should mention the undead and suckers!

Holy shit, she's terrifying. What do suckers have to do with the undead, anyway? You either need to apologize for your poor taste in metaphors and calm her down or just let her vent it all out.

TG: yes keep going i got nothin but time  
GG: Oh, don't worry. I'm not nearly done yet.  
GG: Not only was I compelled to listen to the GRAND TRIALS of the egotistical, self-pitying crashing-and-burning of an amateur relationship I was HOPING WOULDN'T HAPPEN in the first place!  
GG: Which of course didn't occur without me somehow managing to stick my own foot in my mouth to all my friends!  
GG: Oh no.  
GG: I also managed to acquire the ENVIABLE ATTENTIONS of a CREEPY, VOYEURISTIC ALIEN who laughed at me while telling me that my father had been murdered!  
GG: And then it gets BETTER!!!  
GG: I get this "present" of a lollipop from my alien friend and her brother the aforementioned creepy jerk, and what does it do?  
GG: This FUCKING alien lollipop gets me SO SUGAR-HIGH that I suddenly think it's a GREAT IDEA to go confess my feelings to a jerk who is DATING ANOTHER JERK and ASK HIM TO HAVE A ZILLION BABIES WITH ME!!!!!  
GG: AND THEN!!!!!!!!!!!  
GG: I systematically corrupt or help corrupt every single one of my friends into the same sugar-induced stupor of rampant hormones and delirious, unfounded optimism!  
GG: And not only when that horrifying state finally wears off—and by the way leaves me with what must be the worst hangover it is possible for a person to have—not only as we all sit in our quest crypts and have to WAIT to die because we're too embarrassed to just do it ourselves, NOT ONLY after we're nearly murdered again by the same person who just killed us, GUESS WHAT HAPPENS???  
GG: I get my brain hijacked by ANOTHER alien who's been masquerading as an elderly relative, with the very tiara I was given due to this nebulous, fraudulent family arrangement!  
GG: This STUPID TIARA somehow manages to drag every single abhorrent thought possible out of me and twist them into things EVEN WORSE than what I already felt bad about thinking in the first place!!!!!!  
GG: I hardly need to explain the rest of it because unless you were being completely unobservant in every possible way, you were THERE.  
GG: So, no.  
GG: I am not going to sit and listen to coddling platitudes because I have been SERVED ENOUGH SHIT these past few months, and I FLAT-OUT REFUSE TO ACCEPT ANY MORE!!!  
GG: AND I WILL TAKE THE NEXT PERSON WHO TRIES TO DO THIS AND I WILL REMOVE THEIR INTESTINES WITH MY FORK, DRIZZLE THEM IN THEIR OWN BLOOD, AND SERVE IT AS PASTA TO THE NEAREST HUNGRY DOG-DEMON!!!!!!!!!!!  
TG: that was a really impressively vivid metaphor and ill take notes on that in case i ever want to go completely bonkers but  
TG: you feel any better now  
GG: YES, AND  
GG: ...What?  
TG: now that youve got all that outta your system  
GG: ...Oh.  
GG: Oh. You know what?

Yes. You totally know. The Mayor has taught you well.

TG: what  
GG: I actually do feel better.  
TG: yess score one for the crocker whisperer  
GG: The what?  
TG: it means im gonna help you clean shit up and or stand around looking intimidating in the background k  
GG: How did you even do that?  
TG: magic  
TG: also terezi says i got a good trollcop stare  
GG: ...Nevermind. I'm not going to give myself a headache trying to translate that into something coherent.  
TG: dont we just got you out of your headache (it means like a cop but in that particular example one who is also a troll)  
GG: Point taken. (I know :B)  
TG: score two for the crocker whisperer  
GG: Don't get ahead of yourself, buster.  
TG: yes maam (one and a half)  
GG: Alright, I'm going to tell Jade to just teleport you here. (One-and-three-eighths, and that's my final offer.)  
TG: k (deal)  
\-- gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

Exactly four seconds later, Jade pops right in front of you.

"Hi, Dave," she says, smiling. The green crackle stays around her another two seconds.

"Hey," you respond, braking just before you touch. She blinks once, suddenly sad, but by the next blink it's gone, and she closes the distance between you.

You're stalling.

“Hey,” you say again, as casually as possible. Jade’s smile curves more naturally.

“What took you so long?” she asks, electric-green eyes crinkling at the corners. “I don’t want to hear any excuses.”

“Sorry,” you respond, finding yourself smiling slowly. “It’s one of my numerous yet inherently cool character flaws.”

“It’s okay,” she says, leaning forward and touching the tip of her nose gently against yours. “I like you even when you’re a jerk.”

“Not a ringing endorsement, but I’ll take it.” You think her fuzzy, white ears might be wiggling. By the time your hand reaches her waist, she’s kissing you again. You wish your mental photography could keep the two of you in this moment forever, perfectly preserved.

Pesterchum interrupts you swiftly enough.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened memo on board WE ARE STILL FORBIDDEN FROM SLOPPY MAKEOUTS  
CG: WILL YOU STOP SLOBBERING ON EACH OTHER FOR ONE GODDAMN MOMENT SO WE CAN GET BACK TO OUR STRATEGY MEETING?  
CG: NOT THAT IT ISN’T DEEPLY SENTIMENTAL – WHICH I HAVE ON GOOD AUTHORITY IS THE HUMAN WORD FOR USELESS AND MILDLY REVOLTING, BY THE WAY – BUT WE NEED TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO NOT GET EVERYONE TOASTED BY DEMONIC RAINBOW-LASERS IN THE NEAR FUTURE.  
CG: I, FOR ONE, WOULD LIKE TO AVOID GETTING TOASTED. HOW ABOUT YOU?  
GG: oh my god, karkat!!!!! We are on our way :( !!!  
TG: we seriously need to get you a girlfriend  
TG: or boyfriend or trollmesis or whatever  
TG: someone needs to watch out for the watchcrab  
TG: gotta snatch you a partner both romantic and fab  
EB: is this memo supposed to be public?  
TT: It's amusing either way.  
TG: the match well hatchll make your life less drab  
CG: IF YOU KEEP RAPPING, I'M GOING TO BAN YOU.  
CG: ESPECIALLY IF THERE ARE MORE FISH PUNS.  
TT: And Jade,  
TT: While we’re on this board and again discussing Karkat’s inimitable command over all things regarding romance, fifty percent is an F.  
GG: hehehe oops I keep forgetting :P  
GA: F Is An Acceptable Human Grading Right Rose  
TT: In this case, yes.  
CG: YOU'RE DOING THIS ON PURPOSE, AREN’T YOU?  
TG: just latch onto our schooling and itll nab you a catch  
[CG] banned [TG] from responding to the memo.

Jade is giggling, grinning unrestrained and unadorned.

"What are they saying now?" you ask.

"Rose is just..." Jade dissolves into giggles again; while she no longer has those crazy-fangs, her buck teeth still poke out over her bottom lip. You wish you could kiss her again.

"If she says anything about me," you warn, moving closer despite the fact that Rose is likely watching, "it's completely untrue." You have no idea what Rose is actually talking about, either, but it's the principle that's important, here.

In any case, floating next to Jade makes you feel less dwarfed by the expanse of the medium than floating on your own without any frame of reference. Might as well put your hand around her waist again, too, just to be sure.

Jade looks up at you, types something to Rose, then puts her phone away.

"We should probably get back to work," she says, then kisses you. You want to rewind, and you know you can't because it would only make things worse.

"Yeah," you agree, kissing back and trying to think about the green in her eyes rather than the impending disaster. She sighs again, then slowly moves back; it's still too soon. "Let's go before Karkat misses any more of my sweet raps." Jade sticks her tongue out at that, but snaps her fingers.

You appear in a room with metal walls on each side, one of which is taken up nearly completely by a computer into which Sollux is typing a lengthy ~ATH code in Alternian. Jade walks over into the next room, but you linger, trying to parse the code from your rudimentary knowledge of the troll language.

"What's that?" you ask. Sollux pauses in his typing to glance over his shoulder at you.

"Entry-exit program for Roxy," he says, then resumes his work. "So she'll be able to get back here with her friend before the Furthest Ring degrades completely."

"Degrades?" you ask. "I thought it was just getting laser-blasted."

"Lord English has already finished his circuit," Aradia pipes in. She traces a circle in the air with one finger. "He's done permanent damage to the structural integrity, and all that's left now is to wait for the whole thing to collapse."

"...Entropy, right?" you suggest casually.

"Exactly," Aradia agrees, grinning. "The horrorterrors won't be able to maintain the bubbles for much longer, so all the ghosts out there will move on, the way they were always meant to. The gravity in the center that's been increasing since the initial destruction of the Furthest Ring will cause the Green Sun to collapse into a black hole according to its intended fate, as well, and what's left of the Ring will get sucked into that singularity until it disappears completely."

"This program," Sollux thankfully explains, "will let Roxy and CL escape into the medium before they get sucked into the black hole."

"CL?" you prompt.

"It's a nickname," Sollux says. "Considering her name makes it easier for her brother to find her, saying the full thing isn't exactly healthy for the structural integrity of Paradox Space."

"Got it," you answer.

"The format of the program itself isn't really anything special," Sollux says, still typing up a storm, "up until you start bifurcating it. Not to mention the requirements relating to compatibility with a server that so ancient that it still uses..." His explanation starts becoming too technical for you to follow, so you just start nodding along.

"Sollux," Aradia says, smiling, "you're getting distracted again."

Sollux stops typing.

"Right, sorry," Sollux answers quietly.

"Let's get back to work," Aradia says. "Dave, weren't you going to join the strategy meeting?"

"...Yeah," you say. "Are you helping him with the code?" You didn't know she was interested in coding.

"Just some things relating to Paradox Space as a whole and things I've gleaned from the horrorterrors themselves." Nope, that doesn't sound worrying at all. "It's mostly navigation for getting to the ~ATH server itself."

"Anything I can do to help? I'm pretty experienced in the map-making department."

"Thanks, but we've got it under control," Aradia responds, smile not dimming in the slightest. At least one of them is cheerful. "I'll let you know if we need another set of eyes."

"Alright," you shrug. "Have fun geeking out." You then walk into the other room, where the strategy meeting is currently being held.

In the charting room, Jade, Karkat, and Jane are pointing to different points on some diagram. They look up when you come in, and you give them the laziest salute you can muster.

"Sup," you say.

"Nice of you to join us, Mr. Strider," Jane says, crossing her arms. She looks like she's unsure whether she should humor you or not. Karkat just looks disgruntled, but it's more reassuring than anything else.

"It was a trial," you reply, "but I somehow managed to drag myself here." Karkat rolls his eyes. "What's the meeting about, anyway?"

"We've been going over some of the projections for the tadpole's development," Jade says. "You can help!"

"So you're allowed to do frog stuff again?" you ask her. "And you don't have to be on your planet for that?"

"The last time I talked with Echidna," Jade says, "she said I had to let Kanaya take over with the tadpole, but she never said I couldn't help by giving advice." She points to some of the charts and diagrams on the table, which you can't make heads or tails of. Maybe they're like... frog Punnett squares, or something. "Especially while the protein chains are in such a delicate state. If we pool our knowledge, we can weed out the ineffective chains much faster."

"So the frog's okay?" The last time anyone mentioned him to you, Señor Mucoso had narrowly avoided becoming dog chow.

"We're making very good progress right now," Jade confirms with a smile. "The frog-legs should be finished growing soon." Should she really be referring to Señor Mucoso in the same way people talk about things like escargot? "When Kanaya was first helping me, the whole concept was pretty confusing," the smile on her face turns smaller and stranger, "but it's going much more smoothly, now that we can calculate how the tadpole's maturing."

"Hey," Karkat protests, "I'm the one who's been making all those charts to analyze the calculations." Jade keeps looking at you for another 2.938 seconds.

"Yes, and you've been very helpful with some of the ectobiology theory, too," Jade answers, turning her attention back to Karkat, "but humans are very different from trolls in some ways." You can't tell what she means by that. "It makes some of the genetic maturation calculations different, so we have to be much more precise to make sure the reaction will go off correctly when we release the frog into Skaia."

"It's a resource conservation issue," Jane says. At least _someone_ else seems to be able to figure out what Jade's saying.

"In a way," Jade hedges.

"Are we gonna run out of grist for the final alchemy if we mess up, or something?" you ask. You're still really lost in this conversation. Most of the help you gave Jade last time was catching frogs with her, and you assumed that's what Karkat did for Kanaya; Jade had done all the actual frog combinations herself. If it's something Jade and Kanaya have to do in a spacey way, you wish Jade would at least explain the overview using language you can understand.

"It's just that we've only got one chance to do this right," Jade replies, staring back at you, "or Lord English will already be here before we can try again."

"...Oh."

"Everyone's working together so we can get it right the first time, though," Jade says. You feel like you've been punched in the gut. "You can help Karkat with some of his calculations."

"Okay," you say, through the ringing in your ears. None of the diagrams on the table make any sense to you. You listen to Karkat launch into a convoluted ectobiology explanation, and continue nodding even when you get a pester.

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--  
GG: itll be okay  
GG: im doing everything i can to take good care of the frog :)  
GG: well... its not a frog yet! but it will be as long as we keep working at it :)))

You look up in what you thought was a surreptitious manner, but Jade's already looking back at you again, the same small smile on her face. You'd felt so terrible knowing what was going to happen the first time you'd gone hunting frogs with her—and you know you wouldn't actually enjoy having that particular canine-induced disaster hanging over your head again—but waiting for only your own death seems enviable compared to what's going on now. Maybe it's the temptation to fling yourself in front of a future you know won't last, even though you know too well that it wouldn't help Jade. Or maybe you just want to preserve the feeling of working together to make something tangible. You can't stop thinking about how the ends of her hair and the hem on her dress had gotten all damp from snowmelt whenever she'd knelt in the grass to pick up a frog.

GG: were not going to give up  
TG: i dont want to give up

Or maybe you just want to kiss her again.

GG: everything will be fine, i promise  
TG: i

Someone else is pestering you.

\--gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] \--  
GC: D4V3  
TG: yo  
GC: 1 JUST K1LL3D G4MZ33

You freeze in your tracks. It only takes you a second to put your poker face back on, but Karkat frowns at you. Busted.

"Dave?" Karkat asks.

TG: holy shit  
TG: are you serious  
GC: Y3S  
GC: 1T F3LT GOOD  
GC: 1 DON’T TH1NK 1T W4S SUPPOS3D TO  
TG: he was a soda-guzzling murderclown who treated you like dinosaur dung i think youre allowed to feel good about it

"I think my eyes glazed over," you tell Karkat. "Can't you explain it more clearly?" He starts talking again, but narrows his eyes to let you know you're not fooling anybody.

GC: 1 M34N  
GC: 1 KNOW 1T W4S TH3 R1GHT TH1NG TO DO, G1V3N TH4T H3D B33N SO D3VOT3D TO LORD 3NGL1SH 4ND 4LL  
TG: wait what  
GC: BUT TH4T 3XPL4N4T1ION F33LS MOR3… CONV3N13NT TH4N 1T SHOULD, YOU KNOW?  
TG: hold on whats this about him being devoted to lord english  
TG: i thought wed agreed he was being brainwashed by the puppet  
TG: shouldnt he have gone back to just being a regular shitty alien clown once lil cal was destroyed  
GC: TH3 PUPP3T W4S D3F1N1T3LY T3LL1NG H1M WH4T TO DO  
GC: 4ND 1 GOT H1M TO CONF3SS TH4T LORD 3NGL1SH H4D B33N T4LK1NG TO H1M THROUGH 1T  
TG: shit  
GC: BUT 1 W4S SO D1STR4CT3D BY H1S C4RN1V4L W1L3S TH4T 1 COULDNT S33 HOW MUCH TH4T STUP1D R3L1G1ON TH1NG W4S 4LL P4RT OF 1T  
GC: B3C4US3 WH3N H3 CONF3SS3D H3 S41D TH4T LORD 3NGL1SH W4S H1S "M1RTHFUL M3SS14H"  
TG: youre kidding  
GC: 4S MUCH 4S 1 W1SH 1 W4S... 1M NOT  
GC 4ND 1 JUST COULDNT T4K3 1T 4NYMOR3  
GC: SO 1 K1LL3D H1M  
TG: you shouldnt have had to take any of that in the first place  
GC: D4V3 1 KNOW 1 M3SS3D UP YOU DONT H4V3 TO RUB 1T 1N  
TG: i wasnt

If it's not your business to comment on that anymore, then why did she message you in the first place?

GC: UGH TH4TS NOT WH4T 1 M34NT TO S4Y  
TG: ok then what did you actually want to tell me  
GC: WH4T 1 M34N 1S  
GC: H3Y D4V3  
TG: what  
GC: TH3R3S 4 BUNCH OF P3OPL3 TH3R3 W1TH YOU ON D3RS3 R1GHT  
TG: yeah why  
GC: 1 N33D TO T4LK TO SOLLUX  
GC: C4N YOU P4SS M3 OFF TO H1M

...Alright, you understand that Terezi is probably something approaching an emotional wreck right now, but she could at least be a little more considerate.

TG: cant you just troll him yourself  
GC: NO 1T WOULDNT G3T THROUGH  
TG: why  
TG: and how do you know where everyone is  
GC: T3CHN1C4L R34SONS  
GC: 4ND JOHN Z4PP3D 1N 4ND TOLD US  4 WH1L3 B4CK  
TG: i just shouldnt ask anything else should i  
GC: Y3S YOU SHOULD 4LW4YS L34V3 TH3 1NT3RROG4T1ONS TO M3 BUT  
GC: C4N YOU T3LL K4RK4T WH4T H4PP3N3D PL34S3

Terezi doesn’t often ask for things politely. It’s not really your business anymore, though, is it?

TG: sure  
TG: lemme go find captor  
GC: 1LL W41T

You slink out of the strategy room and back into the adjoining one with the computer, ignoring Karkat's eyes following you.

“Hey, Captor, you’ve got a call,” you say. Aradia turns around, but Sollux keeps typing.

“Who is it?” Aradia asks.

“Terezi, I think she wanted to ask Captor something.” Sollux stops typing and turns around.

"What would Terezi need to talk to you about, Sollux?" Aradia asks. The tone in her voice is innocent enough on the surface, but you think it's hiding something very sharp underneath it.

GC: WH4TS T4K1NG SO LONG  
TG: nothing just letting captor and megido know im passing you off  
GC: YOU D1DNT T3LL M3 4R4D14 W4S TH3R3 TOO  
TG: didnt know it was a thing i needed to mention  
TG: what is going on with you and her anyway  
TG: she just asked me who it was  
GC: N3V3RM1ND 1LL JUST  
GC: JUST FORG3T 1T

"It's probably about that thing we were talking about with AQ earlier," Sollux says, turning around and holding his hand out for your phone. You're pretty sure he's bullshitting you, but Aradia apparently buys it.

"Just remember we've got to finish this," she says.

You hand your phone over, and Sollux immediately begins typing. You remind yourself that whatever's going on between Terezi and Aradia is none of your business.

"What's going on?" Karkat asks the second you get back into the strategy room.

"Yo, Vantas, lemme talk to you for a sec," you say, gesturing to the corridor opposite the computer room. Karkat frowns more deeply but follows you without complaint.

The second you turn the corner, though, he’s all up in your grill like a piece of particularly disgruntled barbecue meat.

“Ok, Dave,” Karkat says flatly, “you’re going to cut the bullshit now, or so help me, I will slice it for you. What the fresh fuck are you being so secretive about?”

"Hey, I've been meaning to ask..." you make sure he knows you're looking directly at him, "... what happened to your arm?" Karkat gives you a flat stare.

"That's not what you've been messaging about," he responds, distinctly unimpressed.

"Yeah, but I wanna know first."

"You're kidding."

"Nope."

"I found out I’m immune to the Red Miles," he says, looking away.

"And how'd you find that out?" You thought the big thing about the Miles was that they were inescapable.

"How do you think, moron?" Karkat retorts. You just raise an eyebrow and wait for him to keep talking. "Your Jack was using his ring to attack everyone on LOFAF. It was an accident more than anything else." He's still not looking you in the eye.

"So you got stabbed and didn't die?" you prompt. Come to think of it, that was the same battle that Rose said the doomed you died in, wasn't it?

"I could control them a little when I was touching them," Karkat pauses, coughing once awkwardly, "but they ended up disappearing on their own." What's with the bashfulness? It's not like you're interrogating him. "This arm is..." he coughs again, "...a sort of souvenir."

"That's useful, then," you say. Doomed you was going to die anyways. That's why he was doomed. You can't blame anyone but yourself for that, and certainly not Karkat.

"Sure," Karkat frowns. Then, he seems to remember his earlier obstinate prodding. "Stop stalling and tell me what's going on. Who were you messaging just now?"

“…It’s about Gamzee,” you say, after two seconds of silence. Karkat frowns, his eyebrows drawing low and close together.

“What did that unsympathetic, facepainted jerk do this time?” Karkat asks. “And stop hesitating, I already told you I’ve been broken up with that sorry excuse for a honk-happy moirail for a while now. I can take it.” You hate being the messenger for things like this. “Well?”

“…He’s dead,” you say. Karkat winces before he scowls in the direction of the voices of the others from the hall. You ponder for a moment the term ‘kicked the bucket’ but suspect it doesn’t mean quite the same thing to a troll.

“I can’t say I’m all that surprised,” Karkat answers. “Did Terezi at least do it herself?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s how that kind of thing usually ends on Alternia.” You’re not certain he’s telling you the truth. Maybe you shouldn’t have been so blunt.

“He had a juju on him,” you add.

“You don’t have to make up excuses,” Karkat says, looking back at you finally. “I know he deserved it. I was there when Terezi explained it, just like you, and I—”

“The reason he had the juju,” you interrupt, “is ‘cause his mirthful juggalo clown god told him to.”

“Strider, please,” Karkat retorts scathingly. “Everyone knows the mirthful messiahs are the fakest load of behemoth droppings I’ve ever—”

“It’s Lord English,” you say.

“What.”

“The juggalo messiah is Lord English,” you repeat. Karkat is blinking at you. “He was working for Lord English. Willingly and enthusiastically.” Karkat opens his mouth, closes it, then opens it again.

“I…” Karkat says, suddenly subdued, “…I should have known. I should have figured it out.”

“What are you talking about?” you ask. “There was no way anybody could’ve known what he was up to.”

“No,” he insists, “I had all the chances anyone could possibly have to maybe stop fondling my own goddamn bulge over my own numerous and varied, hideously pathetic neuroses to notice when my fucking moirail was working for the enemy. Fuck, even if he wasn’t my moirail, any leader with a quarter of a functional thinkpan should be able to figure out when their friend is plotting the destruction of Paradox Space in between bouts of ill-advised, soda-guzzling, sorry excuses for immature black relationships.” You decide to try and stop him before he gets wound up even more.

“ _Was_ he your friend?” Your hands are still in your pockets. Karkat rubs one of his own hands against his temple.

“Shit, I don’t even know anymore,” he says. “I can’t even tell if he was the _person_ I thought he was.” Karkat starts pacing. “Although considering the way he was so smug and dismissive whenever I brought up any of my concerns, I…”

Someone in the other room is raising their voice. Karkat blinks and opens his mouth to continue, but closes it again when the yelling doesn’t abate. He shuts his mouth and walks briskly toward the source of the commotion. You follow him back, past the strategy room where Jade and Jane are looking awkwardly at each other, and to the computer room where you first popped in.

Sollux is gesturing dramatically, your phone still in his hand, an agitated expression on his face. Aradia, still near the computer itself, is wearing a sympathetic, almost pitying expression.

“Sollux, dear,” Aradia says calmly, a gentle smile on her face, “you’re overreacting again.” She spares a glance at you and Karkat, then moves it back to Sollux. “Let’s stop being _distracted_ , and focus on finishing the program. We can discuss this later, in private.”

“How can you tell me I’m getting distracted,” Sollux demands, “when you’re never actually willing to talk any of the times I’ve asked you to?” At your side, Karkat winces uncomfortably.

“That’s no excuse for this frivolity of yours,” Aradia replies, “which has not only been _incredibly_ hurtful but is beginning to get in the way of our mission.”

“It’s not—” Sollux retorts, then snaps his teeth shut. The next part is very quiet. “I’m working on the mission.”

“Well, you’d better start actually acting like it,” Aradia says, “or I’ve got no choice but to call it what—”

“The lady!” Jade says, loud and sudden from the strategy room.

“…What?” you blink behind your shades, then move to ask her what’s going on. Aradia beats you to the door.

“What’s going on?” Aradia demands.

"This is what I'm talking about!" Sollux insists.

You and Karkat share another glance, then turn your attention back to Jade.

“Harley?” you prompt as everyone pours into the other room.

"Is she here?" Aradia asks, almost eagerly. Her mood's done a complete one-eighty from her earlier argument with Sollux; it's like she can't stand still.

"Who's here?" Karkat asks Jade, though he's still staring at Aradia, frown deepening.

"The blue lady," Jade answers. She's staring at the wall, but you can tell she sees something beyond the flagship. "I can't remember what I—" she holds a hand to her head. "Jane, do you remember her?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Jane responds sternly.

"All your grandpa's blue lady dolls got left on—" you start.

"AA," Sollux interrupts, distressed again, "we need to do the code, you—"

"Not now, Sollux," Aradia says. Karkat is still looking anxiously between them.

"Harley," you try again, "all those dolls are on Earth, remember?" Jade looks at you for a moment, then looks over at Jane again. You feel an impending sense of panic start to creep over you, but you shove it down roughly. "There's no blue lady doll anywhere."

"Did I fall asleep again, Jane?" Jade asks.

"But you said—" Sollux protests again.

"Be _quiet_ , Sollux, this is important," Aradia says. Sollux slumps and falls silent. Karkat steals your phone from Sollux's hand.

"Everything's fine," you lie. "No one's been asleep for a while."

"I can't remember what I was doing," Jade repeats. "She's doing something weird to my head, Jane. Am I still asleep?" Jane shoots you a look that slices right through your lie, but turns her attention to Jade.

"She's can't do anything. She's dead," Jane says. "I killed her myself. Dave was there, too. I’m Condesce now. You're just as awake as everyone else."

"No," Jade's shaking her head now, "not _her_ , the _blue_ lady."

" _What_ blue lady?" Jane asks. She's starting to lose her patience.

"The one who—" Jade starts, then cuts herself off, eyes wide like electric, green discs. "What is she _doing?_ " She teleports away.

"Jade!" You're too surprised to catch her.

"What’s going on?" Jane asks you. The sense of dread only presses heavier than before.

"I don't know where she went," you reply.

" _Dave_ ," Jane says. You're dodging the question and she knows it.

"I can't..." You swallow roughly. You don't know where Jade is, and you don't want your gut to be right. "I couldn't..." The weight of thirty-seven consecutive dead Daves is careening towards you like a meteor, counting down inescapably.

"Terezi says she found the last juju," Karkat says, breaking the silence. You feel like dominoes falling. There's no way to stall anymore. "She says..."

"Where is she?" Aradia presses. You can't bring yourself to ask.

"Karkat?" Jane prompts.

"There's been a breach near Skaia," Karkat says, looking between you and Jane. "Terezi said—" Aradia darts off immediately, Sollux following close behind. "Fuck, I shouldn't have told her, should I?" Karkat asks, grimacing, then coughing again. After another moment, he hands you back your phone.

"...Let's go," Jane says. She follows Aradia and Sollux. You flashstep towards the exit, leaving Karkat and Jane behind.

GC: 1 COULDNT STOP H3R  
GC: 1 TR13D TO STOP H3R BUT SH3 WOULDN’T L1ST3N  
GC: SH3 N3V3R L34RNS 4NYTH1NG SOLLUX  
GC: 1T W4S L1K3… L1K3 SH3 W4S TH3 3X4CT S4M3 P3RSON 1 K1LL3D 4 SW33P 4GO  
GC: W4S SH3 L1K3 TH4T TH3 WHOL3 T1M3 YOU W3R3 1N TH3 BUBBL3S?  
TG: i left when tv did  
TG: i thought i had t0  
TG: i thought i couldnt be in that atm0sphere anymore  
TG: i sh0uld have stayed  
GC: NO, YOU M4D3 TH3 R1GHT D3C1S1ON G3TT1NG OUT OF TH3R3  
GC: 1 WOULDN’T W1SH H3R PR3S3NC3 ON 4NYON3 4T TH1S PO1NT >:|

What the hell is going on? You’re flying as fast as you can.

TG: its my fault shes getting away with this  
TG: i cant make the kinds of decisi0ns you can tz  
GC: Y3S YOU C4N  
GC: YOU C4N 4LW4YS D3C1D3 TO DO SOM3TH1NG  
TG: but even if i tried t0 do s0mething  
TG: if i tried to  
TG: ...t0 stop her  
TG: i dont think she wants t0 listen anymore  
GC: SOLLUX 1M SO SORRY  
TG: i d0nt know what t0 do  
\-- turntechGodhead [TG] is now an idle chum! --  
GC: SOLLUX?  
GC: 1S SH3 ST1LL TH3R3?  
GC: PL34S3 S4Y SOM3TH1NG >:[  
\-- turntechGodhead [TG] is no longer idle! --  
TG: I’M SORRY.  
GC: …K4RK4T?  
TG: I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN. ABOUT GAMZEE, AND…  
TG: ABOUT HER, TOO, PROBABLY.  
GC: 4BOUT VR1SK4 >:?

“…Vriska?” you repeat aloud.

TG: NO, ABOUT ARADIA.  
TG: I’M SORRY.  
\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] has ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] \--

You exit the Flagship Condescension and fly from Derse towards Skaia as fast as you can. You cheat the shit out of fastness. You push it as hard as you can. You leave Jane and Karkat behind, you pass Sollux, and you pass Aradia. You catch up to Jade and pass her, too, and then you—

Wait, what?

Jade catches up to you again.

"Jade," you call out to her.

"I don't know what she's doing," Jade says, still flying, gritting her teeth. "I can't teleport anymore. I can't _smell_ anything anymore."

"What?"

"I can't even tell if I'm _awake_ or not," Jade says. "I don't know how she's _doing_ this!"

"Jade, wait—" you grab her wrist, and she slows, turning to face you. "I need to..."

Behind her, John zaps into existence.

“Dave, we have to hurry before she does too much damage,” Jade says. Her eyes are wide, but her voice is even.

“But—” You don’t know how to explain the way your guts are twisting together. You don’t want to think about it, but the feeling something terrible’s going to happen is pulling at you like an approaching event horizon.

John is looking directly at you. He's crying silently. Jade can't smell that he's there, can she?

Even now, he is giving you the opportunity to save her. It's almost too late, but it's not there yet. There's a fraction of a second, right between .1972 and .6102, where you can still try to change things. That window will only be open exactly then. You won't have to run out of thirty-seven-repeats' worth of momentum. You want nothing more than to stop this, and John has to know that, or he would not be asking if you want his help.

“I…” you start.

“Dave, what is it?”

"...Nevermind," you say. You can't do it. You can’t tell her fucking anything because anything that happens is something that was always going to happen and you have to sit there and let it happen. You can't _fucking_ do it, and when John silently zaps away, you know that the window has gone to a place in the past even you can't reach. "We have to hurry, or we'll be late." Jade turns her wrist, her hand sliding to intertwine her fingers with yours. You start flying again.

"I don't want to give up," you say, so soft you can barely hear it yourself. Jade squeezes your hand.

You fly the rest of the way like that, until you reach Skaia.

“I was beginning to think you losers would never show up,” Vriska Serket says. “I’ve been waiting soooooooo long I thought you were gonna croak from old age before you got here!”

“You’re here!” Aradia says, now arriving with Sollux close behind. Her enthusiasm is far more disturbing than the last time you noticed it.

“Really,” Vriska continues, rolling all eight of her eyes, “this is why you dweebs can never get anything useful done. You’d better be thanking me when I save your asses from Lord English.” She crosses her arms over her orange outfit and flutters her blue wings impatiently.

“…Lord English?” Jane echoes, she and Karkat just behind the heels of Sollux.

“I keep telling you that you’ve got it backwards,” Aradia says. “How can you expect to defeat him when he already knows what you’re planning? You’ve got to stop listening to little cueball men if you can’t see where they keep their brains.”

“AA, you can’t do this again, either,” Sollux says. Given what you’ve seen from his pester with Terezi, you’re mildly impressed he’s holding it together this well.

“Not _now_ , Sollux,” Aradia retorts, annoyed.

“The grownups are talking now, and the grubs need to wait,” Vriska adds to Sollux, then turns her attention back to Aradia. “Can’t your moiraillegiance crash and burn some other time? I’ve been waiting long enough for this!”

"Vriska!!!" On your left, Terezi is shouting as her form comes into view from the other side of Skaia, Dirk and Jake approaching with her. You figure they're probably coming from Jake's planet, since that was where Jake had insinuated he’d go earlier. They all seem... different in another way, somehow, but you can't put your finger on the exact reason why.

Jake almost looks like a different person entirely. He's still in his god tier outfit, but there are a pair of white, feathered wings at his back in the same shape as his aspect symbol. They look just like the design on that cape he'd taken from the sarcophagus earlier. You can't tell if it's the wings that are glowing, or if it's Jake himself, but he's radiating an aura of white light that makes you dizzy if you look at it too long. He flings Terezi forward like a cannonball; as she hurtles towards Vriska, Terezi takes out her cane-sword.

"I _said_ ," Vriska repeats, glaring at Terezi, "that the _grownups_ are _talking!!!!!!!!_ " She lands a punch on Terezi as she approaches, and Terezi goes flying back with a yell. Terezi picks herself back up immediately, but she can't do much more than kick without a jetpack or god-tier assistance. You have just noticed that Vriska is still three years younger than everybody else.

"Now," Vriska says, grinning, "I'm going to take what's mine." She holds out her beringed hand, and you feel an invisible shockwave rattle through you. You see others bracing themselves against the force as well as it ripples through the area, followed by a faint howling whose origin you can't place and a blurry haze you have to blink out of your vision.

In the distance, John zaps in from the same direction as Terezi's group. Then, John zaps in and shoves John, the both of them vanishing back into the aether. You really hope no one else saw that.

“Jade…” you hear yourself saying as you reach for her hand again. Why are you still trying to tell her when you know that nothing can come of it?

"No, Dave," Jade says, voice steely, pushing you behind her. "Stay back."

"But—"

"Tell future-you I'm sorry, but I'm not going to stand here and let you get hurt." She's glaring at Vriska, green eyes electric as she moves directly in front of you, emerald lightning arcing around her body. You'd been so preoccupied with agonizing over not being able to save her that you hadn't realized it would be her saving you. Saving everyone. You don't know why you hadn't expected it when experience should have told you otherwise, but looking at her now, you can't imagine it having gone any other way.

Something inside you is snapping in half. She's never looked so radiant, and you've never been so awestruck or helpless against the inertia of the future. All you can do is watch what will happen to her just like everyone else. John had only stopped himself once, after all.

She makes a wall of emerald fire, a curtain between a handful of underprepared kids and the endlessly hungry grin that is her opponent. The space around Jade and Vriska warps and stretches like a fourth-dimensional map, their vortices of power dropping like lead weights in cloth. The fabric keeps stretching until something rips, and behind the tattered cloth is the searing light of the Green Sun itself.

"Finally," Aradia says, off to your right. She darts forward, grinning with a gleam in her eyes that is deeply, horrifyingly ecstatic. Jade's curtain blocks her from joining the battle, but she keeps darting forward like a bug trying to get through a closed window. Sollux is following close behind her, but he's not making any progress, either. On your other side, Dirk is hanging back with Jane and Karkat. Only Jake and Terezi are moving towards the battle.

Jake tosses Terezi forward again. Thankfully, you manage to grab Terezi before she burns herself to a crisp.

"Dave, let me go," Terezi grimaces. “We can't let them fight.”

“You can't let her keep the ring,” Jake says. “It doesn't belong to her.”

“Not while—” you choke back the rest of your sentence. “Just… just wait a little,” you say instead, sparing a glance at Jake to make sure he isn't making any sudden moves, either. “Stay back.”

“Are you sure?” Jake asks, looking at you closely.

“Just a little longer,” you repeat, trying to keep your voice as even as possible.

"...I'll leave the details to you, then, if you know what you're doing," Jake says, gaze lingering on you before he turns to fly back towards Dirk.

“I really _hope_ you know what you’re doing,” Terezi says. You don’t have anything to say to that, so you watch the battle behind the curtain instead.

Vriska keeps reaching for the Sun with the hand wearing the ring, trying to suck it closer to her like a tractor beam. Jade, meanwhile, has her own hands out in a box shape, frantically trying to shrink the Sun as quickly as possible. All through this giant tug-of-war, Aradia keeps battering herself against Jade’s wall of fire, the entire curtain of flame rippling and shuddering with each blow. Sollux is desperately trying to pull Aradia back with psiionics towards Terezi and yourself, but Aradia only shrugs him off to continue her assault.

" _Dave_ , you have to let me stop them," Terezi grits out, after one particularly violent shudder. You don't loosen your grip on her.

"No,” you say, “you have to stay put.”

"Then at least go help her yourself, you can't just—"

"Shut up," you say, tonelessly.

"But if you don't—"

"I know," you interrupt again, voice so monotone it gives too much away. Terezi shudders, her hands forming into fists.

"...I thought human boys were supposed to be chivalrous," she grits out.

"Who the fuck told you that." Your tone of voice doesn't change.

Vriska has her dice in her left hand. Jade cradles the shrunken Green Sun as it floats between her hands, her whole body glowing with the same green aura, her eyes bright and neon behind her glasses. Vriska tips her hand, and for exactly seven seconds, nothing else happens as the dice clatter against each other in midair.

Then, with a crack, Aradia breaks through the wall of fire, shooting straight for Vriska, leaving a maroon afterimage so brief you think you are the only person to see it.

Jade whips her head to look at Aradia, almost glaring at the now-crumbling curtain of fire slowly flickering out, and with a pit in your stomach the weight of two universes, you catch her gaze as it passes by.

In that moment, Vriska reaches again, and you can see in a corona behind Jade's hands the near-blinding flash as the Sun is pulled away once more. Grinning with all her teeth visible, Vriska opens her mouth, closes it around the Green Sun, and swallows it whole.

Thirty-seven times. You have tried to stop this upcoming moment thirty-seven times. You have to let it happen. It was always meant to happen. You can feel every second grind against the next one, jagged and discordant.

Jade gasps in shock, her hands reaching out now to get the sun back, but you already know it's not going to work. She opens her mouth to shout something but the sound is quickly overtaken by what can only be described as a roaring all around you.

Vriska grins and grabs her dice. A green fireball blazes around her hand, sucking more flame towards it. Over the roaring, you hear a scream, high and piercing, coming from Jade's mouth. The flame around her is pulled away, and she tries to grab some of it back, to no avail. Every bit of flame that leaves Jade goes right to Vriska's ringed hand, wreathing both it and the dice in her fist.

Jade is whipping her head from side to side now, still trying to recover the bits of green that are leaving her. Her whole body is glowing, and the more green she becomes, the less of it remains. At the last second, her eyes catch with yours, one last time.

She looks so _confused_.

Then, she is entirely flame, and the flame disintegrates into a single, whispering stream that flows into Vriska's mouth with the rest of the Sun.

"Now," Vriska says, "I have the power to 8eat Lord English on his own terms." You can't move. You can't even speak.

"Aren't you forgetting something still?" Aradia asks, shooting forward again. She meets Vriska in a dive; they clash, spin, then part once more. "Like the part where I told you that you're going about this all wrong?"

"Aradia, quit it!" Sollux shouts again. "Don't you even know what you're doing?"

"Dave, please, let me stop them," Terezi says. You keep your grip on her.

"No, no one else is going to—" You can't even finish the sentence.

"Dave, I'm begging you, I can stop them."

"I don't think I've got any idea what you're talking a8out," Vriska smiles back at Aradia.

\-- gutsyGumshoe [GG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--  
GG: Dave.  
TG: dont let anyone else get involved

"What about the part where you _said_ ," Aradia shoots a maroon disc of energy at Vriska, who dodges, "we were going to fight him _together!_ "

GG: Dave, we need to do something about this.  
TG: please  
\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] \--

The two winged troll girls dive for each other in another brief, spinning clash.

"Aradia, you have to stop this!" Sollux shouts, sending a blue-red blast of psionics at Vriska, who leaps out of the way scowling.

"Will you keep him from 8othering us, already?" Vriska snaps at Aradia. "I 8n't in the mood to deal with wigglers, and it's 8eginning to get irritating." Sollux blasts his psionics again, and Vriska just swats them away. "Anyway, I told you that was only if you could _keep up_ with me. " She rattles her dice, and a barrage of green fireballs shoot out at Aradia.

Aradia blocks some of the fire with a conjured clock-face shield, but ends up having to dodge the rest when the shield dissolves in the onslaught.

"8ut since that doesn't seem to 8e the case," Vriska continues, "I think I'll leave you with the rest of the wigglers."

"There's no point to this!" Terezi is shouting. You're only holding onto her just enough to keep her from slipping out of your grasp and into the battle. You glance around just enough to confirm Jane is doing the same with Karkat. Dirk and Jake seem to be hanging back of their own accord. Jake's amusement from inside the pyramid before is gone; he's all business, with his pistols drawn and pointed at Vriska, glaring at her almost as much as Terezi is.

Dirk has his Crow-Bar out, but is staring back at you. You return your gaze to the ongoing fight.

"You think I don't know what I'm doing?" Aradia shouts back. "You think I haven't been waiting for this just as long as you?"

"No," Terezi says, "no, no, you can't not—"

"You think I don't know how to honor my end of the bargain?" Aradia challenges. You've got no idea what anyone's talking about anymore. You keep seeing Jade and green fire.

Aradia copies start appearing, quartz music boxes chiming and echoing discordantly against each other.

"Aradia, _please_ ," Sollux says.

"I am trying to _concentrate_ ," Aradia says. Vriska starts picking off Aradias with some sort of dice-turned-catapult. Some of them charge at her, some simply fling red clock-discs in her direction. Sollux quickly adds to the energy being flung at Vriska.

"Get out of the way, twerp," Vriska growls. "You're 8eyond out of your league, here."

"Leave Sollux out of this!" the original Aradia snaps, zigzagging towards Vriska, a disc in each hand. The other copies keep up their assault, slowly getting fried and replaced in the process.

"I'm _trying_ ," Vriska says, flaming armor coating her clothes, dice now a barbed, blue sword. Sollux zooms towards her again. "You can send as many doomed clones as you want, 8ut you still can't match the power of the sun I've gained!"

"If you'd listened to me in the first place, you'd know why that won't work against Lord English!" Aradia says. Another plethora of copies attack in formation.

"Ugh!!!!!!!! Will you just _stop_ ," Vriska wreathes her sword in flame and swings in a wide arc, all eight eyes trained and glaring at Aradia, "with the _pointless_ tricks? " The energy slashes a hole in the cloud of Aradias, and Sollux quickly fills the gap. "If you want to 8e on my level, you've got to 8e adapta8le to the _plan_ I've got! " Vriska sends a fireball with her other hand to pick off the rest of the Aradias.

Aradia freezes.

"That's more like what I'm talking a8out!" Vriska grins, still focused on Aradia. You follow Aradia's gaze to where Sollux used to be.

The next thing that leaves Aradia's throat is a terrifying, rattling screech of pure fury.

“Don’t you get F8CKING mad at me now!!!!!!!!” Vriska screams. “I warned you! I T8LD you wh8t needs to 8e fucking done!” Aradia is done talking, though; she rockets forwards, maroon coating her arms with a ticking so low it’s nearly subsonic. Vriska's dice morph again, this time into a guillotine that appears between her and Aradia. Aradia doesn't change her course; you're not certain she _can_ , at that speed.

Then, the guillotine is below and between Aradia. You know in your gut that she isn't going to revive.

You realize that Vriska Serket has been crying.

“I’m doing what none of you fuckers have the guts to do!” she screams, mostly in the direction of Terezi and yourself. “Everyone 8itches and _8itches_ at me, but _I’m_ the only one willing to do what it takes to win! I’ve spent _centuries_ in those 8ullshit 8u88les while you all sat on your asses on a stupid meteor for three years 8eing _hornswoggled_ 8y a 8unch of clowns, and I 8nt a8out to roll over l8ke the r8st of the 8niverse is do8ng f8r L8rd Engl8sh!!!!!!!! ”

Out of the corner of your eye, you see Jake visibly flinch; Dirk reaches out to Jake, but then Jake steels himself, and they both ready their weapons. They look like they’re planning to make a move soon. You need to stop anyone else from fighting, but how?

Terezi takes this opportunity to squirm free and rush at Vriska. You only catch her again because she can’t fly.

“I told you not to do it!” Terezi shouts back. “I _told_ you you’d regret it, but you didn’t _listen_ because you never listen to anything that won’t get you your way!” This is the worst time in the history of everything for you to be thinking about that sbahj meme; you don’t know why your brain catches on it. Your brain always dissolves into shitty jpegs at the worst possible moments. “You never _learn_ anything, and all it does is get people killed! This is _your_ fault, and—”

“And what?” Vriska interrupts, snarling. “I’m an _om8pot8nt goddess_ w8th m8re l8ck 8nd p8wer th8n y8u c8uld _8v8r im8g8ne_ , 8nd 8’m go8ng to drag th8s game fr8m the cr8er it sp8wned 8nto s8meth8ng w8rth 8ll th8 g8dd8mn _b8llsh8t_ 8’ve b88n p8t thr8ugh, 8nd 8LL Y8U 8NCOMP8T8NT F8CKERS 8RE GO8NG T8 _8ASK 8N MY GL8RY_ WH8LE 8 S8RVE TH8T CH8RU8 F8CKER H8S STUP8D 8SSH8LE GR8N 8N H8S EP8L8PT8C F8CK8NG 8YE S8CK8S, 8ND- ”

John zaps into reality again, right in front of Vriska.

“…Oh. John,” Vriska says, voice suddenly even. “Tell them, John.”

“Tell them what?” John asks. You can’t see his face, but his voice is like the calm before a storm.

“Tell them, John,” Vriska repeats, grinning now. “Tell them about how I’m going to use my awesome magical goddess powers to wipe the floor with Lord English’s sorry green butt.”

“No,” John says.

“Come _onnnnnnnn_ ,” Vriska is still grinning, “you know this is the best chance to get out of this clusterfuck of a game. All we need to do is—”

“ _No_ ,” John says.

“…What?” All eight lime-green eyes blink. Terezi is just as frozen as her sister’s smile.

John takes out his hammer and slams it into Vriska Serket’s chest. The bones crack so loudly that something in your ear pops from the pressure of the soundwave. The force of the blow makes Vriska cough up the Green Sun, and she reaches for it helplessly as it drops back into the dark pocket from which it emerged. Even that small, you can still see it glow and the space around it warp, just on the verge of collapse.

The next thing Vriska says is so garbled you can’t comprehend it. John reaches out and gently plucks the ring from her finger. Vriska vanishes in a silent blip. When John turns around, he’s wearing the same face Jane had right after she killed the Condesce. It is equally as terrifying.

John starts flying over to Dirk. Someone rests a hand on yours and Terezi’s ears, and they suddenly stop hurting.

“Be careful,” Jane says, Karkat still further back behind her. You can’t respond, only stare back at her.

“Everyone else was out of range?” Terezi asks, wiping at her eyes. You don’t know when she started crying, either. Your own eyes behind your shades are exactly the type of desert wasteland the Mayor once told you Earth became.

“Yes,” Jane says.

“There’s one more after this, right?” John is asking Dirk. You turn your head to the sound and start flying over there yourself leaving Terezi with Jane. John’s palm is up, the ring resting on it. The front of his shirt is splattered in blue.

“No,” Jake interjects, surprisingly insistent. “That’s the last one.” If you feel like a desert, he's turned stony and unwavering.

"I thought you couldn't find it," John says.

"It's been taken care of," Jake responds.

“Yeah,” Dirk agrees, subdued. He's still staring at you, though.

“I’ll go dump this in the volcano, then,” John responds, "unless you have to...?"

"It's fine if you do it," Dirk says.

"Okay." John takes his hand back and puts the ring in his pocket.

“Wait,” you say. John looks at you. Your voice is the barren rock of an ancient planet bombarded by meteors. Rose is at the volcano, with Kanaya and the frog. You and John _both_ have to go.

“I know,” John says. Of course he knows you knew this was going to happen. “Dave…”

“…” You can’t say anything more. One word was all you could get out.

“Was it really…?” John’s voice trails off, like he doesn’t want to make the question real by finishing it. You wonder what the other you told him.

“…” Your throat is a nuclear winter, and the only thing that falls onto your tongue is the ash of thirty-seven consecutive failures.

John closes his mouth, then zaps away. You make to start flying in the direction of the volcano, but Dirk grabs your arm.

“I’m coming too,” he says. You yank yourself from his grasp with a sudden grimace and flashstep away as fast as you can.

\-- timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--  
TT: Hey.  
TG: leave me alone  
TT: …I’m sorry.  
TG: go away  
TT: I didn’t know, I’m sorry.  
TG: fuck off  
TT: …  
TT: …  
TT: …You knew, didn’t you? Back in the pyramid.  
TG: shut up  
TT: You _knew_.  
TG: shut the fuck up  
TT: How long have you known?  
\-- turntechGodhead [TG] has blocked timaeusTestified [TT]! --

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gentle reminder that this story will still have a happy ending. I promise.


	5. Ragtime/12:01 AM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Smith in D minor, a chess game, the end of the universe, and the morning after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finally done! Thank you everyone who STUCK by this fic until the end. May the final 413 fare you well. Also, all the time travel is internally consistent, which took no less than three charts to accomplish.
> 
> Many many many many many thanks to my beta, [mostlyharmless](http://archiveofourown.org/users/mostlyharmless). You are a champ.
> 
> Art in this chapter by [ikimaru](http://ikimaru.tumblr.com)!

"Rose is in the house," Kanaya says, still at LOFAF's volcano with the frog.

"Did you..." Your throat still isn't working very well.

"I heard about it," Kanaya adds, darting her gaze away from you. "John was already here. He put the ring in the volcano." She dares a glance at you, holding back green tears, then resumes fiddling with frog equipment. "I need to remain with the frog until it's been delivered to Skaia. I'm sorry." You don't know what to say to that, so you fly the rest of the way to the house.

John and Rose are at Rose’s information headquarters, on one of the higher landings of the impossibly tall house. You land, get a good look at the twist in Rose's mouth, and then promptly forget how to speak or move. You spend several seconds just standing in place, willing your legs not to buckle from the black hole that's overtaken your chest.

Jade should be here. She should be here with you and Rose and John, but she's not, and it's _your fault_ for not doing anything about it, and the only thing anybody _wants_ you to do about it is throw yourself at the wall of death that is Lord English.

"Dave..." Rose starts, brittle. You don't know what to say. You don't have any excuses.

John pulls Rose up to you with him and squashes you all into a giant hug. You try to work your throat, but don't produce any discernible words; instead, you just squeeze back as tightly as you can and hope that they understand. You can't tell if it's you shaking or not.

You can't stay like this forever, either.

"Dave," Rose says again, after you've parted, staring at you, voice composed but eyes still red, "someone needs to input the code Sollux and Aradia were making."  
  
You're glad to have something else to think about.  
  
"Sollux was making it," you reply. "Aradia was just doing the navigation for him."  
  
"All that needs to be done now is to put it in the server," Rose continues. "The frog is done, too, so all Kanaya needs to do is deliver him to Skaia."  
  
"Really?" John asks. "Karkat told me that Sollux's code still needed work. And it's in ~ATH, so it still needs to be... activated."  
  
"Well," Rose answers, "I'm sure it's nothing big, so I can go and finish it while Kanaya—"  
  
"Whoa, hey, wait, hold up," you say. You know exactly where this is going, and you absolutely detest it. Rose flashes her eyes at you like she's daring you to challenge her. "John just said they weren't done yet. You'll never get there fast enough without a completed map."  
  
"So I'll finish the map, too," Rose replies. If she thinks you're gonna buy that, she's wrong.  
  
"That's not how the Furthest Ring works," you shoot back. You are _not_ going to let her pull this on you again. "You'll just get lost cause you won't know where you're going." She doesn't even have any yarn this time, either. It's just not going to work.  
  
"I'll just ask the Horrorterrors to finish it for me," Rose says. Her face is so carefully controlled it's like looking at yourself in the mirror.  
  
"It doesn't matter if they tell you or not," you reply. "If you can't translate what they're saying into a functional map, you'll just end up going in circles. I'll do it."  
  
"I know how to ask for a more direct connection," Rose says, "I've done it before. It’s worked. And you have a _prior commitment_."  
  
For exactly .85 seconds, you forget how to breathe.  
  
"I'll cheat," you say. “There's gonna be a window of time,” your voice goes stringy on the word _window_ , and you notice Rose noticing it, but press on regardless, “between the croak and the door Karkat talked about, so why wouldn't there be one between the computer shit and when Cal shows up? I can go there, finish the code, and then get back to being buried fuck deep in a stupid prophecy that doesn't do shit for anyone." You feel like you're unraveling.

"Guys, can we—"  
  
"That's not how ~ATH activation works," Rose interrupts. "you can't just _go_ and _come back_."  
  
"Guys," John says again.  
  
"It doesn't matter if the end result of my _prior commitment_ is gonna be the same, does it?" you ask her right back. "Cause the only other person who has an aspect they can navigate with is _Kanaya_ , and she's a little _busy_ right now, too, unless you fucking _forgot_ why she's had to sub in on that." Rose gives a little gasp, but you don't care. If she's going to play dirty, then you can do it, too.

" _Guys_ ," John repeats.  
  
"You know that if you run away from your responsibilities, it'll only make everything worse for everyone else," Rose says. "You can't just _whine_ to me about your situation when we both know you could go and change it if you actually had the guts to do it." You think your hands are starting to shake. "I know what needs to be done, so I'm going to do it, and that's final."  
  
" _Hey_ ," John says.  
  
"Oh, Rose, that's so _altruistic_ of you," you retort, "everyone knows that watching things happen from a little crystal ball is exactly the same thing as having to fucking do it yourself." An icy panic is gripping at your chest, but Rose only looks like she's waiting for you to run out of steam.

"I did forget that the world still revolves around you. Thank you for reminding me that no one could _possibly_ be upset about wanting to act and not being able to while you're angsting about _doing your one job_ , Dave."  
  
"I'm not the one who wants to jack her brain back into a bunch of eldritch squids ‘cause the booze’s gone and that's the only other way she knows how to _deal_ with not having complete control over everything."  
  
"So _wise_ and _mature_ for someone who's afraid to deal with a ten-year-old alien who's essentially a fucking _puppet_."  
  
"She says as she pitches a hissy fit like we haven't had the argument about who's gonna go do the thing before."

"I'm the only expendable one this time—"  
  
"You actually have something to look forward—"  
  
" _I'll_ do it," John says.  
  
You and Rose freeze, gazes locked, then both immediately turn to John as one.

“No way—”

“You can't—”

"I-I'm leader," John says. You and Rose fall silent. "I can zap over there if I concentrate hard enough." He's staring you down with what looks like every single ounce of determination he possesses.

It's such a far cry from what he might've said three years ago. Three years ago, he used to grouse and protest that title, insisting that you were all just friends playing a game together, and no one had to worry because it was supposed to be fun. But you can't pretend your actions don't have consequences, and you can't block out the gaping hole where Jade should be. You tried to keep John from having to think about all the times you've had to calculate and weigh your own death against the steady march of the alpha timeline and the lives of your friends, but just when you've reached your limit, he's ready to do what it takes to keep you and Rose from spiraling into recklessness and suicide. And you realize that yes, this is John, too, it's only that he's acknowledging it instead of stubbornly pushing it away. If this is what he thinks will keep the rest of you together, then he's going to do it, and to watch him finally accept that brings you a strange, sincere joy at the same time as it breaks your heart.

"Anyway, I'm the only person here who actually knows how to code," he adds, almost as an afterthought. "I'm going."

"But—"

"John—"

"No," he finishes, voice more even now. Five seconds of utter silence stretch like a rubber band about to snap, and you realize that absolutely nothing is going to make him change his decision.

This isn't fucking _fair_.

John crushes you into another hug just as you reach for him and Rose again. Rose buries her face in your shoulder, and you hold her there because you know what it is to want to hide that. John's glasses creak when they hit your cheek, his hand gripped tight against your back through your cape, and you think the only reason it isn't trembling is due to how forcefully he's pressing, because your hands are shaking like you've been awake for days. You don't see but hear Rose's breath hitch softly, and will your knees not to buckle.

A few moments later, John disconnects just as quickly. Your hand is still on Rose's hair as he backs up a couple steps, eyes wide like he doesn't want to forget what you and Rose look like, and then he swiftly turns and flies away, up towards the roof. Even if you wanted to chase after him, you feel too heavy to lift yourself off the ground.

Rose carefully wipes her face with her sleeve, then disengages herself from your arm.

"Alright," she says, brisk. "The important thing to remember with Slick Junior is that the algorithms are in D Minor." What is she talking about? "And he likes Scarlatti more than than Bach, but Tchaikovsky will also work in a pinch."

"You mean Señor Mucoso, right?"

"...What?"

"I was talking about it with John and Dirk when they were in LOTAK," you say. It's not exactly the truth, but it's not too close to a lie to feel wrong. "We decided to name him Señor Mucoso."

"Slimer?” Rose asks pointedly. “Did you even tell John that’s what it means?"

"Does it really matter?" you ask. It's the least you can do to name a universe frog after that stupid mascot.

"I suppose that detail is of less consequence," Rose answers. "In any case, you have to remember to keep transposing into the right key, or the protein chains will start unraveling. The rest of it shouldn't be too different from last time."

"What are you talking about?"

"Helping Kanaya with the frog, of course. He has to remain stable while she carries him. It's your knightly duty, isn't it?" Rose looks ready to start arguing again, but also like she's trying to keep her temper in check. Her ability to pokerface left with John's leaderly decision. Your own pokerface is useless, anyway. Rose has always been able to read you like an open book. Everything hurts so much it's gone all the way around the clock back to a total blank.

"You were telling me literally two minutes ago that I had to fight Cal and wasn't allowed to do anything else," you say.

"The situation has changed," Rose says. "If I use the Quills and work together with Jake, there's a chance we could hold out until Roxy gets back with Callie." She must be talking about Jake's freaky anime wings.

"But it's not _as_ good of a chance, is it?" you finish for her. Rose doesn't deny it. Terezi conditioned you to not personally think much of chance, but you know better than to undermine Rose's confidence in her precognitive powers.

"...No," Rose says, after a few moments of silence, very quietly. "Not as good a chance." She pauses again. "I still don't know how it'll end up."

"That's fine," you say, toneless.

"Dave, don't." Oh, there’s Rose’s anger again.

"It doesn't really matter as long as the frog's okay, does it." You can't get Jade's confused face out of your head. You can't stop thinking about John flying off to go write his own death into a computer.

"Of course it matters!" Rose insists, spots of color appearing high in her cheeks.

"I really, really hate this," you say. You can't fathom a way for it to be fair that this is the alpha timeline. You want to go back and know that you can't.

"Yes," Rose agrees.

"...You know, if you actually put me on frog duty, I'd just play Snoop to spite you, right?" Goddamn, do you love subject changes.

"Kanaya recited Troll Gangsta's Paradise to him once," Rose says. You love how quick she catches on. "But I don't think Señor Mucoso would react positively to Snoop."

"Try Will Smith," you suggest, "it'll bug the hell out of Vantas as an added bonus, too." Rose tries to smirk, but doesn't quite make it. "And..." shit, this is going to be too serious again, "...if you have to, you and Jake tag-teaming isn't a bad idea. But you gotta give me room to throw down, so don't try it unless I give you the thumbs-up on it."

"Of course I'm going to bail you out if you need rescuing," Rose says. You wonder if dumb facades that stay up too long are something that's genetic or learned. Your sister probably has an entire book on that very subject.

"Cool," you say, as casually as you can, then shove your hands in your pockets and turn to leave before your pokerface cracks in half completely. "Imma just alchemize some last-minute stuff now, k?"

"Sure," you hear Rose say. “I'm going to see how Kanaya’s doing.”

You start making your way downstairs, but are quickly interrupted by a blur of gray and red that crashes into you. It's Karkat, riding on Dirk’s rocketboard.

"Shit, Vantas, could you be any more of a terrible flier?" You help him up from where he's fallen over.

"Where..." Karkat's huffing like he's just run for miles. He starts tipping over again, and you push him back to center. His teeth snap into a grimace with a click as he uses the rocketboard to pull himself back up. "Where is he?"

"What?"

" _John_. Where is he?" Karkat stares at you, eyes manic, still breathing heavily. You feel your entire body tense.

"He left," you say, as shortly as possible.

"Where," Karkat says, then coughs raggedly. "Strider, where did he _go?_ "

"To finish Sollux's code, shut the fuck up," you hate this stupid game, "I'm gonna alchemize you training wheels before you crash into anyone else."

"No, I have to—" Karkat wheezes again, doubling over with a grimace, then catching himself on the rocketboard and shakily pushing himself back up, "fuck, I have to—"

"No one else is leaving," you declare. There's something very wrong with the way Karkat's breathing, like he's got needles in his chest. You know that if you let him chase after John, even if they finish the code, he's going to do something stupid out of a desire to save somebody else, and it's going to be the end of him. You don't want to stand here useless while another of your friends flings himself headfirst into his own destruction.

Three years ago, you don't think you ever would have guessed that you and Karkat would be friends. He was egotistical, abrasive, never knew how to shut up about anything, and never knew when to stop digging into a subject when you'd rather leave it alone. Now, you consider him one of your closest friends, but you'd almost been competitive, then, and over what? Respect as a competent fighter? The attention of your friends? His ability to actually admit how he feels for someone out loud?

"You don't _understand_ ," Karkat's eyes are wide, "I have to go before—" his teeth like knives. You've never seen his face so unguarded before. "I can't just let him _leave_ without telling him—"

"What the fuck don't I understand?" you snap, throat feeling just as ragged as Karkat's seems to be. You see in Karkat's desperate, reckless face everything you haven't let yourself show since Jade disintegrated into green flame.

"Just tell me where he went, _please_." You...

You can't deny him. He gets to choose how he's going to die, who he's going to die for. You almost envy that he's about to run off and go out in a blaze of glory with John for the sake of everyone else succeeding, while you have to stick it out til the bitter end and watch yourself let your friends down over and over again.

You just point up with one hand.

Karkat nods. You clap him on the shoulder with your other hand, then watch him pull himself back onto the rocketboard and careen haphazardly up the side of the building.

"...Shit." No one's there to hear you say it. You squeeze your eyes tight for exactly six seconds, then open them with an exhale. You shove your hands back in your pockets and trudge the rest of the way to the alchemiter.

Dirk is there, fiddling with the controls in a purposefully casual way.

"Sup," you say.

"...Sup," he replies. He previews a set of magenta pants, then cancels the alchemization. "Just you and Rose here?" He's not even mentioning John by name. Though considering what they went through during their trip through LOTAK catacombs, maybe he can't.

"And Kanaya. Yeah." You can't mention the people who aren't here, either. "I'm probably gonna head back to the center soon."

"Gonna do some last-minute alchemy first?" he asks. You shrug.

"Maybe." You contemplate filling your sylladex with glass shards. "You should make the pants, those poofy shorts make you look like an asshole from a dumb anime." Surprising no one, you are the real asshole, here. It must be a reflex. You should probably unblock him on Pesterchum.

"...Nah. They kind of grow on you." Like a fungus, maybe. Dirk fiddles with a few more buttons, then comes up with a black-and-white picture of Geromy's face. "I could make you a rad tat before you leave." He's joking, right?

"That JPEG isn't nearly degraded enough," you counter. "Bunp down the quality one more time." Before your eyes, the Geromy hologram becomes even more pixelated.

"This version will rub off in about a week," he says, pausing to shove his shirt sleeve up, "but we can still match."

Sweet suffering alien jegus. He's a total nut.

"Fire up that sucker and slap it on me," you reply, rolling your own shirt sleeve up. "Let's show them to Señor Mucoso while he's still in his impressionable childhood years." You must have made a dumber decision sometime in your life.

"It's negative two-hundred-and-three artifact grists." He punches the button, and the grist flows into the hoard.

"Could do better, but every little bit helps." The temporary tattoo pops into existence on the pad. Dirk retrieves it and walks up to you.

"You ready?"

"Do it." He makes it happen. This is truly the absolute _dumbest_ thing you have ever done, and it's fantastic not to have to be responsible.

Someone started pestering you while you were busy being a dumbass.

\-- golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--  
GT: Dave you should get back to skaia.  
GT: The breach is going to reopen and hes going to be here very soon.  
GT: Were all on the battlefield and you should be here when it happens.

There's absolutely no one Jake could be talking about other than Cal, is there?

"Who is it?" Dirk asks, hand still holding the picture of Geromy against your shoulder while the ink sets.

"Jake," you say. His fingers tremble, but only for a second.

"What's he saying?"

TG: i thought he was always already here  
TG: like  
TG: that was his thing  
GT: Yes but dirk got rid of the jujus and hes downright incensed.  
TG: ok but how do you know cals going to be on the battlefield  
GT: For heavens sake just ask dirk!!!  
TG: fine ill ask him

They're both so touchy about the weirdest things.

"He says the breach is going to open again soon," you tell Dirk.

"Already?"

"He says you'd know because of the jujus."

Dirk stiffens, then goes blank.

"Yeah," Dirk says, dipping his head down to peer closely at your shoulder. He won't even _try_ to hide his avoidance. "The ring's been taken care of, and Jake and Terezi and I got one before that, so that's all seven, now. If Jake says Cal's going to show up soon, he's probably right."

"Okay, but how do you know?"

"'Cause he told me he was gonna," Dirk replies. "...Cal did, I mean, in between all the talk about serv—" He halts again. "I don't really want to talk about it. Sorry." He peels the temp paper away from your shoulder. "You should let that dry, so it doesn't smudge."

"But all the jujus are gone?" you ask.

"Yeah." Dirk looks back at you. "You should be fine."

Well. He should, at least.

"Listen," Dirk says, "about before..." You can hear the weight in his voice. He's noticed. Something must be showing on your face.

"Not right now," you say quickly, just above a whisper. "I-I still need to..." You take a few short, shallow breaths. "You just said... so..."

"...Later?" He sounds like he's expecting you to say no. He sounds like he's expecting there to _be_ a later.

You don't want to still be mad at him when you go to fight Cal, though.

"...Okay," you say, still quiet. You roll your shirt sleeve back down.

“Not gonna dazzle them with Geromy’s angelic face?” Dirk is talking at a normal volume, now, but he’s fidgeting with the temp paper in one of his hands.

"I know it's there," you respond. Rose would probably call that a metaphor for something weird and Freudian, but you can tell Dirk understands. Ok, you definitely need to unblock him. Maybe that will make him feel better about it. "You ready to go?"

"He really is serious about that grudge, bro."

"Yeah, I know." Shit, you guys are gonna start slipping into raps if you don't watch out. "But I've got some ideas."

"Alright," he smirks. You hold out your fist tentatively. He bunps it perfectly. Because he’s your bro. You can be okay with that, for now.

[TG] is an idle chum!  
GT: Ill wait.  
GT: You two sure have a tendency to ramble dont you?  
GT: We dont have all day to spend lollygagging around.  
[TG] is no longer idle!  
TG: it happens  
TG: on our way  
GT: Excellent see you soon!  
\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT] \--

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--  
TG: i got a tattoo  
TT: What.  
TG: its geromy  
TT: Oh my god. You're serious, aren't you?  
TG: dirk has a matching hella jeff one  
TT: I think I need to see a picture of this to believe it.  
TG: no get over here kanayas bringing the frog to the battlefield anyway right  
TG: you better not be late  
TG: you got courtside tickets to the lord cal smackdown  
TG: theres some choice seating over here  
TG: hang on a sec  
TT: I'm almost too afraid to ask.  
TG: k dirk says its quote the plushest most comforting derriere on which a discerning lady such as yourself might want to rest her own posterior unquote why the fuck did i type that  
TT: Oh, now I can't wait.  
TG: no do wait  
TT: I'm coming at once, and I'm bringing a camera with me.  
TG: scrub my brain clean and make a temp tat of the big man first so we can all match  
TG: itll be good family bonding  
TT: ...Now you've gone too far.  
\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] has ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--  
TG: rude  
TG: ...  
TG: be careful

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Good, you got here," Jake says, once you and Dirk return to Skaia. Jane and Terezi are still with him, anxiously looking at the spot where the breach was, while the Mayor is aimlessly wandering around, gaze towards the ground.

You’ve never been to Skaia itself before. While the planet is all blue swirls with opaque, white clouds from afar, the entire landscape is actually composed of black-and white checkered squares, from the hills and castles in the distance to the relatively flat plain you're on right now. Every now and then, cracks and fissures break up the ground, a molten glow peeking up from underneath.

Everywhere you look, there are old, dried bloodstains. You don't know where the bodies went, only that there must have been an enormous number of them.

The Mayor stops walking and looks up at you. He stares at you like he knows exactly what happened here. You've never seen him look so _old_ before; it makes you want to distract him from the deep red splotches and sprays on the ground with something inconsequential, or else sit and hold his hand until whatever movie repeating in his head abates because that's always what he did for you on the meteor. It must work the same the other way around. You've suddenly got three years of negligence to make up for, and this is your last chance before Cal shows up.

"Are the others on their way, too?" Jane asks. You resist the urge to jump, and instead turn back to her.

“I talked to Rose,” you reply.

"And?"

You look to the Mayor again, still at a loss for words, then back to Jane.

“And she's gonna help Kanaya bring Señor Mucoso here,” you add. Jake grins back at you.

“Strider,” Jane says to Dirk, nodding once.

“Crocker,” he replies, nodding back awkwardly. Then he breaks from your side to go over to Jake, and they begin talking quietly. Jane watches them for a moment, then turns back to you.

“So,” Jane prompts. “Rose and Kanaya have the frog, and John and Karkat…?”

“And Rose and Kanaya are gonna get here soon,” you repeat. When you glance at the Mayor, he looks down swiftly at the ground once more. You look back at Jane, whose eyes are currently squeezed shut.

“We’ll just work with what we have, then,” she says, opening her eyes again calmly. You lapse into silence.

“...I couldn't tell him no,” you say, eventually. You can't tell if you're talking about John or Karkat. “They went to finish the code.”

“They made their own decisions,” Terezi says. She looks about as cheery as you feel, but at least she doesn't look particularly surprised.

Another silence creeps over the three of you.

“Is Cal here yet?” you ask. You just want to get it over with, at this point.

“No,” Terezi says, pointing, “but they are.” You follow her finger to Rose and Kanaya.

Rose is carrying Kanaya, who is guiding a frog at least five times her size, down through Skaia’s clouds to the ground. Rose is also softly singing the _Wild Wild West_ theme to the frog.

“Hello!” Jake calls. “What an excellent song choice! I loved that movie.” He would.

“The frog is growing nicely,” Jane comments.

“Thank you,” Kanaya responds. “He’s doing most of it on his own now. Rose and I are just keeping him stable.” Even as she says it, you can see the frog nearly doubling in size. "Once he's full-sized, he'll be ready to—"

Someone calls out to you that he hopes you haven't forgotten about him. You turn to see who it is.

"Jack," Terezi chitters. "How the hell did you get here? And why are you a robot? And who are they?"

Jack tells Terezi that she and that other backstabbing troll kid did a real good job banishing him to her planet's wasteland, but he's done a lot of hard work with his crew to rise up from that setback, even though his subordinates have since folded, so to speak. It was pretty close for him, too, but he's got new, strong robot parts to make up for that. He's even got fifteen new subordinates, now, as you can all see from the numbers on their hats, and they all snuck in here through that purple-yellow clock of Lord English’s.

The Mayor starts gesturing frantically to the carapace lady who's standing next to Jack. She looks at him, then back to Jack.

This carapace is wearing Jade’s starry gown. That was the dress Jade wore when you were frog-hunting, the dress she wore when she shot you. She'd gone tramping through the grass and mud and woods in it, but no matter how scuffed up or bloody you got, she still looked like she was wearing a sparkling, emerald galaxy.

Jack says oh yeah, he made this lovely lady with the paintbrush a member of his crew, too. Isn't she swell?

He points to her with the large, golden staff in his arms, topped by a black orb. Yeah, this bling used to be English’s, too, but like he said, new management's in town. It even used to do some weird rainbow shit, but that stopped working a little while ago. Much less of a headache this way, though, don't you think? Anyway, he's getting real tired of looking at that slimy monstrosity, so he's gonna make him croak the right way, now.

"NOT YET." You feel every single hair on your body stand on end. You turn to look back at the breach.

Jack says you have got to be kidding him. How did this guy get here so fast?

"I WAS ALREADY HERE."

Cal is large and ugly and green, wearing only a threadbare green coat and torn, white shorts held up by green suspenders. His eyes are the same cherry-red as yours, and where his lower right leg should be is a gold peg-leg. You expected him to be covered in the flashing rainbow of his clockwork majyyks, but they’re gone; maybe that's another consequence of the jujus being destroyed.

"DAVE." You try to keep your breathing even. "CAN YOU HOLD ON A COUPLE MINUTES? I'M ALMOST READY FOR OUR GAME. LET ME TAKE CARE OF THIS FIRST, AND THEN WE CAN PLAY."

You can't move. You've been thinking about this impending battle since you saw Cal shatter the Furthest Ring exactly one year ago. You were supposed to figure out how to win, or barring anything in your life working out, psych yourself up to at least die with a sense of purpose. You were supposed to be _ready_ for this by now. You're not. Jake and Rose and Dirk already have their weapons out. Jake looks like he wants to attack right away, but Dirk is holding him back with one hand.

"JACK. GIVE ME MY STUFF BACK." You weren't expecting him to sound like a petulant twelve-year-old. It doesn't make you feel any more confident, though.

What? No. Finders keepers, you big green lug.

"I SAID. THAT'S MINE." Cal snaps his fingers, and then the golden staff suddenly appears in his hand. "THERE WE GO."

What? Jack is complaining. That is so unfair. How did he even—

Cal clears his throat. The green pool-ball guys all scoot over to stand behind him. The carapace lady looks between Cal and Jack, and then dashes over to stand with the Mayor.

"JUST TWO MORE THINGS." Cal tips his staff horizontal, which turns it into a machine gun, nonchalantly fires a good couple dozen bullets into Jack, then brings it back upright into a staff again. The entire thing is over in four seconds. Then, Cal points it at the breach. “GOD. HE WAS SO ANNOYING.”

Your teeth start rattling. The breach sends out shockwaves in ripples, like it did when Jade and Vriska were fighting over it, and then the shrunken Green Sun rises out of the abyss and shoots towards Cal. He grins as the Sun gets sucked into the orb at the top. You can't breathe.

"Much better," Cal says. "Now. Where were we? Hello, Dave."

"What do you want?" you ask him, sounding much steadier than you feel.

"I want to play a game, Dave," Cal grins.

"What kind of game?" you ask. You wish he wasn't staring holes in you, talking to you like no one else is there. You're not any sort of leader. You also want to know why your bro thought it was a good idea to teach him that phrase, but you should probably focus on more pressing concerns right now.

"Chess," Cal says. The word sinks into the pit of your stomach so deeply you wonder if it has its own gravitational field.

"... _What?_ " you demand. You can't keep the sharpness out of your voice.

"You heard me. Dave." He looks so pleased with himself. You whip your head to look at Jake, who is gripping onto his pistols and glaring at Cal with all the anger currently rising to the surface from inside of you, then whip your head back, too furious to do more than call your sword to your hand and bare your teeth in a scowl of your own. "What else would we play here? I told you I would teach you. Didn't I, Dave?"

That entire time in the pyramid, you were talking to Cal instead of Jake. He's been playing you this whole time. The _creep_. You don't know how much you've helped him get to this position, but it's probably way more than you were supposed to.

"Fine," you grit out, your fingers tightening over the hilt of the sword Jade made for you. "You want to play, we can play your stupid game."

"The time limit is fifteen minutes," Cal says. At least that's going to give Roxy one last chance to get here. "That should be plenty." He means neither of you are allowed to go forward more than that during the battle, which is about the upper limit of how long you can keep it together, anyway.

"Anything else?" you ask. Better cover your bases just in case.

"No cheating," Cal smiles. "We start... now."

[TG] created memo on board board FRU1TY RUMPUS B4TTL3 TOWN  
TG: terezi i dont even know how to play chess  
GC: TH4TS OK 1 DO  
GC: 4LR1GHT P3OPL3 L1ST3N UP  
GC: UNT1L FURTH3R NOT1C3 TH3S3 3R3 TH3 POS1T1ONS  
GC: D4V3 4ND J4K3 4R3 L3FT 4ND R1GHT KN1GHTS R3SP3CT1V3LY  
GC: K4N4Y4 4ND J4N3 4R3 L3FT 4ND R1GHT ROOKS  
GC: 4ND D1RK 4ND ROS3 4R3 L3FT 4ND R1GHT B1SHOPS  
GC: TH3 FROG 1S OUR K1NG OBV1OUSLY

She shouts the positions the same time she types them, and your opponent grins in response. Of course, he has a skull for a head, so he's always grinning, but you can tell the difference.

"Were we supposed to tell him that?" you ask.

"It's part of the rules," Terezi replies briskly. "Now, go forward two, then in the direction of that trail."

GC: 1 W4NT YOU 4S CLOS3 TO TH3 M1DDL3 4S F4ST 4S POSS1BL3 DAVE  
GC: K4N4Y4 S33 1F YOU C4N G3T ON TH3 OTH3R S1D3 OF TH3 FROG SOON  
GA: I Will  
GC: J4N3 1 W4NT YOU TO ST4RT ON TH3 OFF3NS3 W1TH D4V3 BUT T4K3 4 F3W ST3PS B4CK 4ND DO H34L1NG WH3N YOU H4V3 TO  
GC: D1RK COV3R J4N3 WH3N SH3 H4S TO H34L  
GC: ROS3 4ND J4K3 S33 1F YOU C4N DO SOM3 FL4NK1NG WITH D4V3 4ND J4N3  
GT: Roger that terezi!

You glance toward your right, where red smoke is starting to trail. There's nothing there yet, but you trust Terezi’s ability that there will be in two minutes.

"Got it," you reply, and fast-forward. Two minutes later, you dash to the right. Your sword clashes with one of the green guys and his mobster tommy gun.

He's fast, maybe to the point of Cal using time powers to boost his speed, but you're still faster when you rewind outright. The faces of all those terrified carapaces in the Derse prisons flash into your mind for a second, but you shake them loose and slice at the green guy until he stops moving.

You wait two more seconds to make sure he’s dead, then square your shoulders to wade deeper into the vortex of the fray. Just when you’re about to move closer to the battle’s center, though, another green guy comes up, this one with a bright red fire extinguisher.

“Lay off, man,” you say, swinging your sword at him. He blocks it, then tries to spray you with the hose. You dodge, but it smells terrible.

“I’ve got this other guy,” Dirk says, flashstepping to your side. “You go after Cal.”

You nod at him, then move on, dashing towards Cal, slaloming between two more of his henchmen to get at him.

"There you are," Cal grins, deftly blocking your blade with his staff. "Good to know you're not a total pushover."

"So how's this supposed to go?" you ask, pulling your sword back, only to attack again. "We fight a lot, we talk smack, you leave my fucking friends alone?"

Cal's high-pitched laugh send shivers up your spine.

"What happens is I kill you," he says. "Your flailing around until then is pure entertainment." He makes a strike of his own with his staff, and you dodge out of the way.

"Nah," you reply. "Think I'd rather win."

"You're going to be disappointed," he growls, striking again. You're forced to block with the flat of your blade, and as you connect, it shifts you both forward another two minutes.

"Wanna bet?" Is it really going to be this easy to goad him?

"I'm not a gambling cherub," he says. "I don't start fights I won't win." He strikes a third time, skidding you back by your heels along the ground.

“I’m rolling my eyes, dude.” You spin to the side, letting his staff slide off your blade and to the ground. As soon as your sword’s free, you swing it up in a counterattack.

“Prove it,” Cal grins, blocking you again. So he’s fast, too. _Whatever_. You’re not gonna go down easy, either.

“Bet you’d like that,” you retort. “I saw your creepy rainbow light show in the pyramid.” Trying to hit this asshole is like trying to punch a wall.

“Are you going to fight on your own this time?” Cal asks. “Or are you going to hide behind others more competent than you again?”

“They’re called friends, moron.” Hey, that reminds you, you should probably see if Terezi needs you to do something again. You rewind until you see her teal text in the memo again.

GC: D4V3 GO 4FT3R TH3 L1TTL3 BOUNCY ON3 WH3N 1TS CONV3N13NT  
TG: got it  
GC: ROS3 L3TS G3T 4 L1TTL3 MOR3 4GR3SS1V3 1 W4NT TO SM3LL SOM3 BLOOD  
TT: Gladly.  
GC: J4N3 4ND D1RK GO FOR TH3 HOL3 ROS3 OP3NS UP  
GT: J4K3 YOU SUB 1N ON TH3 B1G GUY WH1L3 D4V3S ON TH3 L1TTL3 ON3

You switch from dodging machine-gun fire to chasing after the smaller green guy, who is currently heading for the frog. Both the Mayor and the white female carapace are preparing to hold the Felt member off, but you're not sure how effective a cable lasso, a half-dozen cans of soda, and a paint can are going to be. In any case, you can't leave the Mayor hanging. Terezi must have known that when she sent you here.

GC: HOLD THOS3 POS1T1ONS UNT1L 1 T3LL YOU OTH3RW1S3  
GT: TAKE THIS YOU BONY RUFFIAN!!!!!  
TG: go for it dude

You don't know how so much anger can fit into shorts that small, but you can't blame Jake for being pissed, either. Out of the corner of your eye, you can see his wings extend and then propel him towards the spot you're currently leaving, pistols firing searing white-blue lasers as he goes. At least _somebody_ wants to fight Cal.

TT: Are you sure about this, Terezi?  
GC: 1 KNOW WH4T 1M DO1NG  
GT: I can take him!!!  
TT: That wasn't my question.  
TG: whats going on  
GC: JUST TRUST M3 ON TH1S ON3

Neither Rose nor Terezi sound happy, but you can't spare the attention to worry about it because you've reached the Felt member currently harassing the Mayor and his companion. The Mayor looks tense, but he's gripping a can of Tab in each hand, fingers primed to crack them open and spray. The female carapace is next to the Mayor, paint can in one hand and brush in the other.

"Sup," you say, holding your sword against the little green guy's neck.

The green guy giggles and tells you he doesn't think you want to do that. He's still dancing a little—or at least the parts of him not near your sword are—and the purple hat with a 4 is bouncing on his head as well. What a fucking weirdo.

"And why the hell don't I want to do that?" you ask. The Mayor frowns when you curse but keeps gripping onto his soda. "I got a deadline to stab a hole in your boss. You really don't wanna get in the way of that."

The Felt guy says it would be extremely unlucky for you to harm him! He waggles his eyebrows at you and adds that even a hotshot kid with such a long, pointy, _Welsh_ sword can't outrun Lord English's plans, and any attempt to fight will result in Lord English stabbing you with your own sword, chopping you in half, and roasting the pieces to make an example out of your incompetence.

"What," you return, voice flat. With all the dancing, you can't tell if he's threatening you or hitting on you. The Mayor starts shaking one of his cans, and the sound of it brings you back to your original point. The point being the edge of your sword Jade made for you pressing flush against the Felt guy's neck.

The Felt guy says that any attempt to kill him will just make something disastrous happen!!! Your sword could slip and hit the pawn in raggedy bedsheets instead, causing a catastrophic carbonation accident!!!!! You look back at the Mayor.

The look the Mayor gives you is one of asking to be reminded what the chances are of a tragic soda accident. You deliberately smile back in thanks.

"That's nice," you tell the Felt guy, "but let me tell you a secret." He leans closer, feet dancing ecstatically. "Luck doesn't actually matter."

The Felt guy blinks at you, frozen, and then you chop his head off.

TG: little guy taken care of subbing back in jake  
GT: Cream him strider!

What a fucking dork.

“Did you miss me?” you ask Cal.

"Do you really think you're going to be able to beat me?" Cal shoots back, dragging you six minutes forward. In the background, someone's shooting grimdark lacerations of thorns, though you don't have to look very closely to have a solid guess who. Almost reflexively, you rewind yourself and Cal back eight  minutes and twenty-two seconds because you don't want to find out why just yet.

"You can talk shit all you want, I don't care," you say, Caledfwlch slicing towards his gun. It turns back into a staff at the last second, blocking you.

"And you can shut that impertinent mouth of yours," Cal says, bearing his weight down and shoving you back. "And die."

"Nah," you lie, smirking for added effect. "I'm gonna win."

"You're going to be _obliterated_ ," Cal grimaces at you, swinging his staff down towards your head. You dodge at the last second, flashstepping to the side. "And when I grind you into the dirt. To make an example out of a person who thinks he's. Hot stuff or deserving of things that belong to me." His staff follows your movement, and you have to spin in place, holding Caledfwlch out with both hands to block it. "Then we'll see. Who gets to be the meat puppet." You jump back, keeping your sword out in front of you. "And who gets to win everything. Forever."

GC: D4V3 S33 1F YOU C4N G3T TH3 B1G GUY TO G3T CLOS3R TO M3  
GC: D1RK SW1TCH W1TH J4N3 FOR 4 L1TTL3 SO SH3 C4N H3LP K4N4Y4 W1TH THE CL34NUP

You glance over to where Terezi is; she gives you a little wave with the cane-sword she’s just pulled out of a Felt member.

“Pay attention, Dave,” Cal says, sending a short stream of bullets into your path. You dodge at the last second. “I’ll tell you when it’s time to stand back and watch.”

GA: There Are Only Two Green Creatures Left But Thank You  
GC: ROS3 4ND J4K3 KEEP UP W1TH YOUR D1STR4CT1ON  
GT: HAVE AT THEE!!!  
TT: Jake, get on my other side. I've got an idea.  
GT: Well make a sweater out of his sinews!  
TT: Crocker.  
GG: Strider.

Dirk and Jane nod to each other as they pass; Jane even smiles, this time.

So why do you feel uneasy?

“I’ve got a joke for you, Dave,” Cal says.

“You’re finally ready to rewind us back to the moment of your birth?” you ask.

“How many times are you going to fuck up before you finally admit your defeat to me?” Cal blasts at you with another round of gunfire. You flashstep to the side, then dart back to close the distance between you two.

“It ain’t gonna happen,” you retort, swinging Caledfwlch in a wide arc at him.

“Really?” Cal grins. “Just watch.”

Somewhere about eleven minutes in for you and seven minutes in for everyone else, Terezi gets riddled with bullets.

TT: Dammit, Terezi.  
GG: I'm on my way.  
TT: I’ve got your back.

You're too busy bringing your own time-lapsed version of Cal closer to whatever the equivalent of check is to be able to reach her before it happens. It's the scream that catches your attention, your own breath stuttering in response, but a Green-Sun-tipped staff blocks your way. You swing your sword to cut the staff again, but with the wind knocked out of you, there’s no force behind it. Your sword only sparks and scrapes.

"She did it on purpose," Cal says, bearing down on you with his full height.

"Jane's just gonna bring her back," you reply. Both of you rewind four minutes, then fast-forward another six. You can't actually tell who's initiating the jumps at this point, only that you're becoming increasingly frustrated with this asshole and his stupid skeletal grin.

"But only once." You and Cal go forward another minute and twenty two seconds.

"Quit fucking running," you say, slashing at him again.

In the memo, Future Dave and Future Terezi are butting heads.

FGC: D4V3 1 4M TRY1NG TO PL4Y 4 G4M3 H3R3  
FTG: no  
FGC: D4V3 1 S41D HOLD YOUR POS1T1ON >:[

"You first."

FTG: this shit is unacceptable  
FTT: What?

You pull the both of you back three minutes.

"Just stay the fuck put," you say. Out of the corner of your eye, Jane is zapping the teal-covered Terezi with blue life energy.

"I've waited thousands of years for this," Cal says. "You can't hide forever." Now, Rose is yelling at the newly-revived Terezi.

“I'm not afraid of you anymore,” you retort. “I'm gonna stop you from this maniacal pool-demon shit you're deluding yourself with, and I'm gonna kill you so this game can _end_ already.” Terezi is brushing the accusations off and urging Rose forward, though she's hanging back with Kanaya and the frog herself.

TG: whats going on over there  
TG: is everybody alive again  
TT: Terezi isn’t dead anymore, though not for a lack of effort on her part!  
GC: 1M F1N3  
GC: 1 C4NT 4TT4CK 4NYMOR3 BUT W3 4CTU4LLY H4V3 4 MUCH B3TT3R POS1T1ON NOW  
TG: are you sure  
GC: Y3S 4ND 1V3 GOT SOM3 MOR3 1D34S WH3N YOUR3 R34DY

"You don't get it. Do you," Cal says. You send another flurry of attacks at him. "It's not that you don't have the skills to defeat me. Which by the way you don't." You don't let up on your assault for a single millisecond. Pesterchum blurs so swiftly you have to start tuning it out. "It's that I'm the one writing the story here. It's already been typed out. Whatever author this story had might as well be sitting. In the middle of a black hole right now."

"Do you think that's funny or something?" Him and his _stupid_ black holes.

"I've already decided how everything ends," Cal says, laughing. "I'm just waiting for everyone else to catch up."

"You're not deciding shit," you say, slashing at him. You only get his coat, though.

"Did you know? Dave," he says. "You're my favorite person to kill. It never gets old. No matter how many times I get to arrange it."

"That was a real creepy thing you said, just now."

"In two minutes. You'll die." He grins and gnashes his teeth at you. "And then. Three minutes and forty-one seconds later. You'll die a second time. And then I'll win." Then, he drags the two of you back four minutes.

"Quit _running_ ," you say. Your sword connects with his staff one more time, and you use the moment of the clash to fast-forward five minutes one last time.

TG: k im ready whats your idea  
GC: H3Y ROS3 AND J4K3  
GC: TRY TO G3T 4 B3TT3R 4NGL3 ON H1M 1F YOU C4N  
GC: YOUR3 4LL CROWD1NG TH3 S4M3 S1D3 OF TH3 F13LD  
GT: Well do our best!  
GC: TH4NKS  
GT: Come on rose lets see if we can get the jump on him.  
TT: Not with those wings, you won't, but I'm right behind you.  
GT: Leave the trail blazing to me then!  
GG: Should I head around to the other side, then?  
GC: Y34H TH4TS F1N3 YOU SHOULD B3 DON3 H3R3

Something feels weird. Maybe you should fast-forward a little to see what Terezi's planning, but... no, you can't do that. Cal's in assault-rifle mode right now. If you let him do as he pleases, he might start jumping without you, and that could get messy very quickly. If you can at least keep him focused on you until he's back to staff mode, you should have enough room to figure out what else might be going on.

TT: What about us?  
GC: YOU TWO ST4Y WH3R3 YOU 4R3 1M TRY1NG TO SURROUND H1M

Why would Terezi give that order? This is a terrible position to be in while Cal's got his gun out. You're sitting ducks like this.

TG: im gonna get him to switch back to the staff  
GC: D4V3 G3T B4CK H3R3

Terezi shouts her order at the same time as her teal text appears in the memo. You ignore her and start flashstepping towards Cal again. He doesn't switch his weapon’s form, and instead turns so he's between you and Rose.

Why would he let himself get flanked on purpose like that?

GC: D4V3 WH4T 4R3 YOU DO1NG  
TG: this isnt right  
TT: Hey, wait for me.

Cal sprays bullets into your path, and you have to turn on your heel and dodge back the other way. He follows with his gun, then abruptly switches his angle, sending you back in your original direction. You're much closer to Cal than anyone else, now, practically between him and Dirk.

TG: somethings wrong  
GC: TH4TS WHY YOU N33D TO HOLD YOUR POS1T1ON UNT1L J4K3 4ND ROS3 G3T TO H1S OTH3R S1D3

You lunge at Cal sword-first with a yell, forcing him to shift his rifle back to a staff, skidding him along the ground for two seconds.

"You have absolutely no sense of chess strategy," Cal says.

"You afraid you're gonna lose?" you spit back, striking again at him anyway.

"All I've wanted is a good game. Dave." You trade a few more blows. "I told you. I don't make bets I don't win." Cal digs his heels into the ground, shifting your balance so you're suddenly on the defensive. "And I know exactly what you're going to do in the next thirty seconds."

"Let me guess, it's kicking your ass," you say. You try not to let him shove you back and take back all the ground you just gained, but he's at least twice your height and weight.

"You're going to _let_ me win," Cal says, suddenly grinning. Your stomach lurches. “Because I’m going to start killing people until you do, and the traitor I’m going to start with is—” He darts his gaze off to your left, and then a split second later, he smacks you back a good fifteen feet with a blow that nearly knocks the air out of your lungs. How does he still have that much energy left? Is he playing with you again?

He's playing with you again. But who's he going to go after?

GT: Napoleons knickers that looks like it stung are you okay?  
TG: im fine im going back in  
TT: Do you need help?

Jake has joined up with Jane on Cal's other side. Rose is off to your left again, between Cal and Terezi, having retraced her steps to presumably back you up. Dirk is between you and Rose, alert but otherwise stationary.

GC: UGH OK4Y W3 C4N ST1LL F1X TH1S  
GC: CH4NG3 OF PL4NS ROS3 B3 PR3P4R3D TO 4TT4CK

Is it really a change of plans if everyone is exactly where Terezi originally wanted them to be? You know from previous jumps that Rose is going to start using her grimdark powers soon, and that last time, she activated them because someone else died. But if he's not going after Rose, then who…?

GC: 1M TRY1NG TO G3T H1M 1N CH3CK SO K33P B4CK STR1D3R  
TG: not yet  
GC: D4V3 1 4M TRY1NG TO PL4Y 4 G4M3 H3R3  
TG: no  
GC: D4V3 1 S41D HOLD YOUR POS1T1ON >:[  
TG: this shit is unacceptable  
TT: What?

"Dave?" you hear your bro say, sharp and alarmed, the same time the orange text appears on the memo screen.

TT: Dave?  
TT: What's going on?

Dirk is darting his gaze around, to you, to Terezi, to anything near him that so much as twitches.

TG: you dont gotta be so stone cold  
TG: why dont you actually ask people what they wanna do before you make decisions like that  
TG: anyway ive been counting  
GC: D4V3 TH4T 1S NOT HOW CH3SS WORKS  
TG: i dont care  
GC: D4V3 W3 H4V3 GOT TO TH1NK 4BOUT OUR PR1OR1T13S H3R3  
TG: says who  
TT: I think I'd like to know what's going on now, too.  
TT: Someone please tell me what's going on.  
GC: D1RK JUST GO B4CK J4N3 UP  
TG: rose  
TT: What?  
TT: Well, fuck this.

Dirk turns sharply from the direction he was headed and veers towards Rose.

Cal grins at you like he knows exactly what you're about to do, because he does. He's arranged it. It makes you pretty pissed off that this is the tune you're currently dancing to, but it's not like you're just gonna sit and twiddle your thumbs, either. Cal turns and follows Dirk's path, aiming not at Rose but at Dirk himself; you can see him start to squeeze his finger.

"Check it," you murmur, flashstepping between them, because if it's good enough for rap battles, it should be good enough for chess battles. No one else is going to dissolve in front of your eyes.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--  
TG: tag  
\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

Cal's teeth flash green and gold as he shoots, spraying you in a deluge of bullets.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

You wake to howling wind and psychic screaming. Things you refuse to name with too many beaks and tentacles race past you, eyes rolling and pink-black gore streaming behind them like meteoric trails. Large cracks in the darkness glow with searing rainbow, breaking off into chunks of solid nothing that seem to fall sideways. Are they being pulled? You can't tell. Your shirt's so wet with red it's dripping.

"What were you EXPECTING?" you shout back. You'd clap your hands over your ears, if you weren't so busy holding onto your shades. Despite your best efforts to get away from the chaos, you feel yourself being dragged right along with them to who knows where. Your teeth feel like they're rattling by the individual molecule, like you're falling towards some inexplicable point of no return.

"IT'S HIM, NOT ME, YOU STUPID SQUIDS!"

"Is someone there?" The sound is nearly drowned out entirely, and you only hear it because you're trying to shut out the Horrorterrors as much as possible.

"Over here!" you shout back.

"We've been out here for three days! There's no one else left!!!"

"I'M OVER HERE!" At this rate, your throat's going to go raw. You fly as fast as you can towards the sound, though it's hampered by all the debris in the way. In between dodging the existential flotsam, you can make out a small group of people.

"It's another one!" Is that Aradia? There's one troll wearing red, at least, and you don't think you'd be able to see the horns from here if it was a Vantas.

"What's going on out here?" you shout. There's a blonde girl in blue, too, and another troll in green you can't recognize. Is that girl Roxy? She looks a lot like Rose, but you can tell she's not Rose. The others are behind those three.

"Keep—!" Was that…?

“Is this one thirty-eight or thirty—” you hear Aradia’s voice again.

"STOP _COUNTING THEM!!!_ " the other person yells back again. Is that _Jade's_ voice?

"Jade!"

"Just—!"

The group falls away from you, shooting down towards the source of the calamity, and for a single second, you can see Jade staring back at you, shouting. Then, her words are drowned out by a wall of panicking Horrorterrors and you lose sight of her.

"JADE!" You're trying to fall after them, but it's not working. " _JADE!_ " You can't catch up to her. " _JADE!!!_ "

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

You come back to life with a gasp, cradled in shaking arms. When you blink away the glare from the magic, Jane is standing in front of you, palm out, gaze steady. But if she's not holding you, then... Oh, right. You should have known by the gloves.

"How's everyone?" you croak. Your throat feels like it's lined with sawdust. Caledfwlch is on the ground, off to the side, waiting to be picked up again, but you don't want to move.

"...We're fine," Dirk replies, fingers clutching at your shirtsleeves. "You weren't out more than a couple minutes." Well, you knew that part. Jane is still staring at you both, but she slowly lowers her hand.

"Didn't make sense to wait until everybody was doomed," you say. Jane still hasn't given you a real smile since the last time you saw her on Derse, but her expression softens just enough to let you know she's not going to chastise you for not being careful again.

"I should go help Rose and Jake," Jane says, then turns and leaves. You follow her gaze; Rose and Jake are holding up, but they don't look like they'll last much longer without more help. You don't want to go back and fight Cal again, but you make yourself turn to face Dirk before you do leave. The second you start to move, his hands jump off you like you've burnt him, then hover like he wants to grab onto you again. The front of his shirt’s all red, now.

"Dave..."

"I have to go," you mumble, looking away. You don't want to tell him who you heard when you were dead.

"...Okay." Dirk picks up Caledfwlch, hesitates one more second, then pushes the hilt against your chest. You cover his hand with yours, letting it linger there for a half-second, then take your sword from him and flashstep back towards the battle before you can change your mind.

Rose is screeching at Cal, a white laser shooting from one wand and black thorns snaking from the other. Her eyes are glowing white, and a terrifying, dark smoke is rising off her ash-grey body. She doesn't seem to notice the multiple bullet holes in her body. You hear your name in between Horrorterror curses and accusations towards Cal of _your fault your faultyourfault_.

Jake is dive-bombing towards two other Cals with pistols firing steady beams of searing energy, his own white-hot aura making him almost too blinding to look at. The Cals just keep blasting at them relentlessly. They're holding up, but it doesn't look like it'll last long.

TG: im back  
GT: I knew you could do it!

Yeah, Jake's still a cheeseball. He's got a couple bullet holes in him as well, but at least he isn't as bad off as Rose. He flies off to the side to let you slip into the position Rose was occupying, his wings buffeting you gently. You can still see him firing at Cal out of the corner of your eye, but he's slowing down, only dodging Cal's return fire by the barest amount.

"Yo," you say.

"You're not allowed to move anymore," Cal says, glaring at you.

"Says who?" you retort.

"I got you," Cal says. "You're out." You keep flying towards him. "Stop cheating."

"Fuck you." Jane is dragging a still-shrieking Rose back to tend to her bullet wounds.

"That's not a legal move." Jake is sending his own barrage of fire at Cal because holy shit does that kid never give up, but it's just being brushed off.

GC: 4CCORD1NG TO TH3 RUL3S H3S T3CHN1C4LLY R1GHT  
GC: 1TS NOT 4CTU4LLY 4 L3G4L MOV3 D4V3

"Shut up." You pick up as much momentum as you can.

"THAT'S NOT FAIR." Another Cal appears in the present and cold-clocks you from behind. Your shades go flying off.

TT: Dave!!!

You can see Dirk flying towards you as fast as he can; he looks more terrified than you've ever seen him, more than when you died, even. You can hear Cal's weapon shifting to its machine-gun form. If you flash stepped, you could probably turn around and counter it with only minimal collateral damage. Everything around you would get blasted to hell, but you'd live. You'd maybe find out what sort of grudge he really has against you. If you keep flying, he'll get a wide-open shot.

But _John_ gave you those shades, dammit. You reach out with both hands.

Cal blasts at your right leg, and your knee erupts into a screaming, open wound. You slam your shades back on automatically, then look down.

Below your knee, it just isn't there anymore. That's a lot of blood for just one leg.

In the seconds while you take deep, shuddering breaths and stare down at what remains of your leg, Cal goes after Jake again. You hear the crack of metal against bone, and whip your head up again just in time to see Jake careening back, holding onto his ribs. From the other direction, Rose has shrugged off all but the most essential help from Jane and is heading back. Dirk is flashstepping back towards the battle, too, but you can already tell neither of them will get there fast enough.  
  
You rewind and cheat your way to where Cal is. A wave of dizziness washes over you when you skid to a halt, but you blink it away.

"I thought you wanted to fight me, dickface." Spots form in your vision, and you blink them away again. “I'm the one you're playing against.”

"You've already lost," Cal says. "Quit your whining."

"Come on, asshole," you say. "I still got three limbs left." You're stalling, and both you and Cal know it. You're losing enough blood that you can barely hold your sword up, but you point it at him as best you can. Cal is starting to look smug.

"I'm done dealing with you," Cal says. Part of you wants him to get it over with before anyone else gets close enough to be caught in the crossfire, but most of you is still trying to buy some time. You've got three-quarters of a minute, tops, before your fifteen minutes are up.

"Doesn't mean we're done yet." Dirk, Jake, and Rose are flying towards you, from all directions. Jake gets there first, but he looks almost as exhausted as you feel. You look at him, still bristling just as much as at the start of the battle, then roll your shoulders and try to focus. "Right, guys?"

"Infuckingdubitably," Jake says, glaring at Cal.

"Right," Rose agrees, from your other side, eyes starting to glow again. You meet her gaze for a moment; there's no visible countdown, no giant bomb about to go off, but it feels the same as that crypt in Derse. If you could've talked her out of being here, you would, but at the same time, you're glad you don't have to do this alone.

"You two are next," Cal says. He levels his machine gun at you.

"No." You grit your teeth and adjust your grip on your sword, but don't move. "Not yet." Bluffing like you're hot shit with no substance to back it up is the only way you can fight back right now, but you don't care how embarrassing or stupidly ironic it is. You won't stop while you're still conscious because as long as Cal's busy killing you, he isn't hurting anyone else. Once you're dead again, Jake and Rose will buy everyone else another few precious seconds until Cal starts aiming again.

"I win," Cal says. You can see his green, clawed finger start to squeeze on the trigger like it's an eternity. You swallow.

Something rips. You can feel the milliseconds split apart from each other. The aftershock of spatio-temporal energy throws you back. You and Cal turn your heads to look at the source at the same time.

There's a crack in the universe, reaching from the ground to the clouds. Looks like John and Karkat finished Sollux's program. You don't have a chance to dwell on that, however, because two figures immediately come flying towards you from the other side.

The latter one you recognize as Roxy. In front of her is a green creature in the same green suit as that troll from earlier.

"Calliope!" Jake shouts. She has the same skull-face as Cal but is half his size, with eyes of lime-green rather than cherry-red.

"Hello, Brother," Calliope says. You look at Cal; his jaw has dropped open and his eyes are practically bugging out of their sockets.

"Hey guys!" Roxy shouts back, waving and grinning brightly, pink eyes sparkling from behind her midnight blue bandit-mask. She looks just like Rose, except for the parts of her face that aren't Rose, that you recognize when you look at yourself.

The rest of the smoke around Rose dissipates. She rapidly blinks her eyes until they're normal again, her chest rising and falling just as quickly, then she stumble-runs towards Roxy.

"I believe these belong to you," Jake says, flying more serenely to Calliope. He removes his wings, which transform into a familiar cape, and hands the shimmery fabric to her. He also gives Roxy his pistols and motions for Rose to follow suit. Rose jumps, then quickly pushes her wands at Roxy.

"Thank you," Calliope replies, making sure to smile at everyone in turn. "I couldn't have gotten here without all of you." She puts the cape on, and it turns into white, feathered wings again. Her suit also changes into a white, classical-style robe with the Space symbol emblazoned in all the colors of the rainbow on the front. Beside her, Roxy has combined the Crosshairs and Quills into a single deudly revolver, which she hands to Calliope.

"Are yoU ready?" Calliope asks. She's no longer smiling. Cal's jaw is still open.

"WHAT," Cal says.

"Good enoUgh," Calliope says, then fires. Cal blocks the shot at the very last second, then attempts a counterattack, which Calliope easily dodges. Then, she attacks again.

You watch these first few clashes between the two cherubs, but you’re so exhausted,  it quickly loses its appeal. Instead, you turn back towards Roxy.

Behind where Rose and Roxy are now speaking to each other, hands clasped tightly together, the crack in the universe is still open. It takes you a second to realize that there's someone standing right in the middle of it. It's Jade. You start flying toward her, as fast as you can, before you even consciously realize you've started moving. Someone calls to you, but you keep going.

"Dave," Jane says, "get over here."

"'M fine," you reply, flying closer towards the crack in the universe.

" _Dave Strider_ ," she repeats. You hunch your shoulders and slow until she catches up.

"You already zapped me once," you say. "Not like I'm gonna change my decision when I've already gone and made it." You're so dizzy. "Go save your zappy shit for someone it'll be more use on."

"I'm just going to bandage it, silly," she responds, not without gentleness in her tone.

"Ok," you say, breathing uneven. She cuts your cape off in a jagged line with her fork and wraps it around the stump, twisting tight enough to make your eyes water before knotting it deftly. "Shit, Crocker." You don't miss the slight glow from her hands as she does so, however.

"It's only enough that you won't pass out," she explains before you get the chance to protest again. "Now, let me get back to work." You nod once, and she flies back into the battle.

You fly the rest of the way to the slowly widening crack.

Jade is there. She looks almost exactly the same as the last time you saw her, dark clothes, dark hair, white dog ears. The main difference is that her eyes are completely white, too.

She's smiling. You don't understand why she's smiling. You don't get it at all.

"Hey," you say, throat ragged. Jade opens her mouth, but no sound comes out. You try to reach out your hand, but hit some kind of invisible wall. It feels like static, white noise on an out-of-tune television made physical. Like infinity leaking out the cracks of reality.

"I'm sorry," you say. "I couldn't tell you." Jade says something, smiling. You wish you knew what it was. "If I thought there could be any other way, I... I'm sorry," you repeat. You watch her mouth for your name. The only things you can hear are the distant sounds of battle and your own uneven breaths. You wish you'd tried more than thirty-seven times.

Then, she starts pointing, emphatically, to something behind your shoulder.

You turn just in time to see the final blows. Calliope, resplendent in her white robes, pistol-wand in her hand and feathery wings at her back, levels her aim at her brother and fires. He's still swearing at her.

She fires the second beam. He tries to block with his staff, but the bullet pops the miniature Green Sun right off the crown and sends it tearing a hole straight through his chest. The Sun keeps going until it falls one last time into the blackness.

"Go back to yoUr black hole," Calliope says. The words make every single cell in your body vibrate at once, and the disintegrating body of Lord English follows the Sun's path down and out of sight. The dip in gravity ripples, then smooths over into calm.

When you turn back around to tell Jade what happened, the crack is gone. All that’s left is the black-and-white of the battlefield and old, red blood. Your exhale is too thready to make a sound.

Above Señor Mucoso’s ever-increasing bulk, a platform has appeared. Calliope starts flying toward the frog, Rose carrying Kanaya, and Roxy close behind. Eventually, everyone begins to gather around them. You're not sure you can move. You see Terezi and the Mayor with Jake, and the other carapace with Jane. Jane says something to Dirk, who then flies over to you and starts pulling you with him to the rest of the group.

"My leg hurts," you mumble.

"I'll make you a new leg," Dirk says. He flies you up to the platform, and you hold on so you don’t collapse completely.

"Like a robot leg?" you ask. You can't think of the scientific word for it; you're starting to get dizzy again. He hoists you up when you start to tip.

"Yeah."

"...Okay." As long as it's not gold, but you think even he has better taste than that.

When you get to the platform, the Mayor is hugging Terezi and Rose and Kanaya; Terezi looks like she’s trying not to cry. Once he's done that, he goes up to you.

“Hey, dude,” you say.

The Mayor says he knows you kids will build a good democracy on the other side.

“...What?”

The Mayor explains that he and the other carapace need to go back down to Skaia before it merges with the frog.

“No,” you say, barely above a whisper. He hated being on the battlefield; now he has to go there when you all just got away?

Only Players are allowed to go through the door, the Mayor says. Game constructs have always been meant to become part of the frog. The way he calls himself a construct twists at you, and you don't know how he can be so composed about this. And you’d thought there weren't any other ways this Game could take people away.

"I'll send them to Skaia," Calliope is saying. You just sort of stand there, Dirk still holding you up, and then look back at the Mayor.

He hugs you, and presses a paper into your hands, soft and worn from having been folded many times. You look down at the paper, see John's name in capslock crossed out, replaced by a little doodle of what's probably supposed to be your face, and then look back up quickly because you know what's written on the rest of it. If Dirk sees what it says, he doesn't say anything, just keeps you from tipping over.

You don't know how to respond, since no one's ever said that to you before, so you just hug the Mayor again, and then shove the paper in your pocket and do your best not to cry.

The Mayor goes over to Calliope, who snaps her fingers, sending them down into Skaia. The Mayor gives you a thumbs up until he's too small to see clearly.

"Everything's set, now," Calliope says to Kanaya. “When he reaches the threshold size, he’ll merge with Skaia, correct?”

“It should be any—” Kanaya starts, then stops with a gasp as a low croak rises to the platform from the surface of Skaia. The frog grows even bigger, the sound swelling with him, until he’s so large you can see him from up here, then as big as the planet. He starts changing colors, stars swirling to life within his body as the noise permeates all around you.

On the platform, a door shaped like a house appears.

"ThroUgh this portal," Calliope says, "is a new reality." When she speaks, it echoes through your head. "It's oUtside of paradox space and beyond the reach of any Unsavory individUals who might want to take advantage of the genesis frog yoU have all helped create."

"We can really go through?" Rose asks. "What if your brother tries to...?"

"My brother is trapped in a loop of his own devising," Calliope answers. "He can only emerge into a Universe as it dies, and yoU have already seen those deaths. He will not be back." That answer seems to satisfy Rose.

 _Dave_ , Calliope says into your head, lime green eyes vibrant, heavily lined with kohl, _there is still one more thing for yoU to do._

"What?" You're so tired.

 _Roxy and I are gratefUl to everyone who helped Us get here. I want to thank them._ You think about the two people who made it possible for Calliope and Roxy to enter the Medium. You think about the leaderly decisions that were made not too long ago on LOFAF. Your throat is too dry for the whine that wants to escape it.

"But—"

 _Whether it's three years or three Universes or three days doesn't matter_ , she continues. _I'm the one writing the story, now._

"She means bein' terrible at something is sometimes the best way for it to be good," Roxy says. Can she hear what Calliope’s saying to you? “So really, everybody did great. I was talkin’ to the squids, and they don’t always make sense, but I’m pretty sure they agree with me, too.” Does she mean you were terrible at stopping John and Karkat from dying because it was the thing that was supposed to happen? Did the Horrorterrors anticipate and facilitate that particular failure? "Don't make that face," she whispers, cupping her hands and leaning close, "I liked your movovies."

You think about how incredibly shitty a SBAHJ movovie would be. Both John and Karkat were shitty at coding, too. Something clicks. You look back to Calliope.

 _You have ten minUtes and twenty-six seconds_ , Calliope says, still smiling. _Yes, go!_ Roxy wonks at you.

You can do it.

"Crocker," you say, brisk, disentangling yourself from Dirk. Your head's still spinning. "I..."

"Dave?"

You can still save them.

"I need your help."

"What's going on?" your bro asks.

"We..." you start again, but have to pause for a second again when spots appear in your vision, "...we have to hurry." Jane is looking at you critically, but you don't have to look at how pursed her mouth is to know she's aware of your current state. "Please."

" _Hey_ ," your bro says, sharp and tensing. You have to leave before he stops you. You can't get Karkat's face from when he was on the rocketboard out of your head.

" _Crocker_ ," you say. Jane quickly grabs your arm. You look back to Calliope, and Jane follows your gaze.

 _Start northwest_ , Calliope suggests. _YoU'll figUre oUt the rest from there. I have faith in yoU._

"I convinced the rest of 'em to help you guys a while back," Roxy adds. She must be talking about the Horrorterrors. It's easier to decipher her speech as long as you're not trying to think about it logically.

You look back to Jane; she squeezes your arm lightly. You point towards where you think northwest is. Jane starts flying you.

When you chance a glance behind you, your bro is shouting at the both of you, Roxy in front of him, gently pushing him back.

"Faster," you say quietly. You turn your head back, doing your best to block it out. Jane seems to understand, and she picks up speed, carrying the both of you until you're out of range. You lean against her heavily.

"Dave," she says.

"We've got ten minutes and twenty-six seconds," you reply. "That's what Calliope said." Your leg feels heavy and light at the same time. "To get them and bring them back." You hate yourself a little for not being able to use complete sentences, but you need to save your energy if this is going to work. "I'll get the route. You have to mark it."

"I can do that," Jane says. "Chin up, mister."

"Right." You take your shades off, grip them tightly in your hand, and start to navigate. The Horrorterrors, in their infinitely horrible sense of humor, give their directions as a song originally sung by a frog. "Got a message in through the telephone, a secret cheat like Konami's code, send me a wire what you're up to now, got me running ragged but I don't back down, don't screen, come clean, gotta split this scene, pond's too small for your answering machine..."

Jane starts beatboxing because she's fucking awesome.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

At first, you're unsure which of the nearby meteors is the one with the ancient computer on it. Jane, however, seems to have an idea, and she drags you toward one in particular without batting an eye. The chunk of rock in question is strangely-colored, redder than the others and oddly smooth on one side. You can see a few entrances, but Jane instead heads for an expanse of metal with a single, round hole in it.

"I can feel someone still in there," Jane says. "Wait here." She detaches you from her arm and takes out her fork, flying down and sticking it in the hole. With a loud tearing sound, she drags her fork across the metal, slicing it open, then with a yank, pulls it up and away from the rock. Then, she collects you again and flies you inside.

On the floor of the computer room, laying right underneath the hole in the ceiling, are John and Karkat. They're curled close around each other, like parentheses of exhaustion joined by tightly clasped hands. Red blood covers them in splatters, spilled out in excess with more pooling under and around them. A horrifyingly short trail of more blood leads to the computer, then winds in a staggered path through a door. Whatever they had to do to finish the code must have used up the entirety of their energy.

Karkat's still breathing, though it's a slow rasp, like he could hold himself together through sheer force of will. John isn't.

You don't hear what Jane says in that moment because your ears are filled with a sound from your throat even the Horrorterrors couldn't decipher.

Jane shoots a quick stream of blue energy from her hand at Karkat, then descends to pick up John into her lap. You watch as the blue aura surrounds them both completely, until John’s chest starts rising and falling once more.

“Nanna?” John murmurs.

“Not exactly,” Jane replies, smiling. “I need to switch.” She puts John down, then goes over to Karkat, pulls him away far enough to give herself room to work, and starts healing him too. You float gingerly down to John's other side, but he's still staring at Jane.

"How are you here?" John is still boggling at Jane and Karkat.

“Because you guys are shit at coding,” you reply, attempting to pack as much reassuring snark into your voice as possible, “and if anyone halfway competent at it tried, we would’ve all been retroactively fucked by the causality loops.” Well, that’s the impression you got from Roxy, anyway.

John blinks up at you with his left eye, the right scratched and scarred shut behind the broken frame of his glasses. It's still infinitely reassuring compared to his state just a few minutes ago, though.

“The croak’s only going to last about ten and a half minutes," you continue, "relatively speaking, so if we don’t get our shit together and haul you dorks through the portal soon, we’ll miss our exit.” Not that you actually _have_ your shit together at all, but it’ll probably make John feel better if you at least pretend to. Or maybe you can just distract him from worrying by talking a lot.

“Karkat—” John starts again. Of course the first thing John asks about once he's semi-coherent is Karkat. God, Karkat’s shitty attempt at using a rocketboard is still fresh in your memory, too. They’re both your best bros, but they’re so _dumb_ sometimes. The fact that his reckless, suicidal plan to chase after John actually _worked_ is a feat in itself. It won’t undo the other loss that still cuts like a knife in your chest, but if you’re able to at least help preserve this, then that’s at least one thing the universe is looking kindly on.

"Crocker's patching him up right now," you say. When John tries to stand, he stumbles, and you reach down quickly to catch him. "Try floating instead of standing." He at least gets the hang of that easily enough, which is more reassuring than thinking about how much Jane's having to conserve her healing powers to merely bring everyone to consciousness.

"You'll have to fly us back," Jane says to John. "I need to borrow your hood, by the way." She's looking pretty exhausted herself, so you take out Caledfwlch and slice off the blue windsock, handing it to her before she uses up any energy that could go to healing instead.

"Dave, your leg—" John says. You look down at the blood seeping through your cape; so much for not overexerting your own injuries.

"Fuck, lemme tighten it again," you reply quickly. You stick the hilt of your sword into the loosened knot of fabric at your knee, then twist until everything goes numb again and you can re-secure it with your eyes watering behind your shades.

You do your best to copy the way Jane first secured your cape as a bandage. You try to distract John from his worry by filling him in about the battle he and Karkat missed, and it works semi-reasonably. You mention your shades, but you think John's still too concerned to get the implication. Just as well.

Once Karkat is fully conscious, John lifts him up with a gust of air and then they’re clinging to each other again; the whole thing takes less than ten seconds. Watching it doesn’t make what happened to Jade hurt any less, but it’s reassuring to know that at least they were able to find something good from their would-be suicide mission. Neither of them seem to mind, either, so you shoot them a thumbs-up to let them know it's the best use of a rocketboard you've seen yet.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

John drags you all back towards Señor Mucoso, following the route Jane recorded for you earlier. No one seems to appreciate your _Stairway to Heaven_ rap on the way back to the portal, so you make up a new one.

"In the winter, window's opening, future's almost on its way, we're so much older than this morning, in the snow, I heard you say, in the starlight, write a letter, New Year's Day is on the rise, sailing east til I see the heavens shining like your eyes..."

You arrive at the frog just as he’s finishing the final notes of his croak. You wobble down onto the platform with the house-shaped door, still holding onto Jane for balance. Everyone crowds around, Dirk patting awkwardly at your shoulder, and then Calliope is ushering you all to go through the door with a smile. John and Karkat go through first, and then the rest of you follow.

”I mUst go throUgh last, bUt i will be there on the other side!” she calls. “Thank yoU, so mUch!”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

In the new reality, there is a planet, lit up and shining like a rainbow. There are a multitude of moons orbiting it, each a different color. Other planets are visible in the distance, then a sun, then an endless expanse of stars glittering like fireflies in the background. You can't tell if you're standing or floating. You try to walk, and start to tip over; John pulls you back up.

At exactly 12:01AM, you make out two people in front of the planet, waiting to greet you. It's Sollux, and… and… it’s _Jade_.

Your whole body careens towards her, your pulse thunderous in your ears and her name spilling out of your mouth before you even recognize you’ve made a sound out loud.

You completely forget about your leg, and end up spinning in place. John catches you again and carries you towards them, the other humans swiftly following behind; Karkat is doing the same with all the trolls. Everyone crashes into each other all at once.

"Jade," you say. "Jade." Someone's laughing. "Jade." Someone's yelling. "Jade." More than one person is crying. "Jade."

"Hey," she says. Her eyes are green, like the stars.

Behind the stars, another pair of green eyes smile, then disperse. But these are new stars, and you think they could last past forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title partially taken from [Hello My Baby](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bkjsN-J27aU), originally by Howard and Emerson, made famous by Michigan J. Frog, later remixed by Dave Strider [accompaniment by Jane Crocker].


End file.
